Last Of The First Of's

      The eve of my wife’s birthday. She takes her birthday fairly seriously. I think perhaps because she grew up in a house with multiple children, that may have been the only day that she actually got to be special. I am happy to oblige, although I do not wish that much hoopla for myself. She’s usually pretty excited, and I think she is, but this is the first one without her father, so I know she mentioned being a little sad about that. The other day she was on the phone with her mom, and her mom finally admitted how sad she was over the holidays, knowing that the girl’s father was no longer with us. My in-laws had been separated for over 20 years. I don’t know how much they still spoke. I imagine it wasn’t very much. But, having her mother admit to being sad, made me wonder. Maybe she was just sad for the girls. I don’t know. I’ve been in the picture for 22 years, and never saw him at a Christmas or Thanksgiving, so his absence was not felt by me. I think my mother-in-law’s admission of sadness, ignited another sadness in my wife, for the fact that she wouldn’t be getting her father’s birthday call. He hadn’t made the call in a while, but one of my wife’s fondest memories was him calling on her birthday, and telling her the story of the day of her birth. Much like that movie City Slickers. When she first told me about it, that’s instantly what I thought of. I know she was already a little sad because the call hadn’t happened in a while, and I heard her say the other day that knowing that it’s never going to happen again, was making her sad again. She wishes she had a recording of it. We are rapidly coming up on the anniversary of his passing, so this is the last of the “First ‘of’s’ without him.” I know it will eventually mellow, but now is too soon.

     We’ve got a 3-day party lined up. I know she thinks it should be the whole month, but that’s a little ridiculous. She really tried to make it a week. And I think deep down she really thinks it should be a whole week. It practically is a whole week at this point! Sunday was our friend’s birthday, so we went down to the beach, and made a whole day out of it. Mostly eating and drinking, not any actual beach time, except for looking at it from the boardwalk. It was pretty fun, we hadn’t done anything like that in a while. That was a long day! Then we had fancy dinner together 3 nights in a row! I did all the cooking. It was delicious. Now, tonight she’s going out with one of her oldest friends. Or, friend she’s known the longest? They are the same age, ergo I wasn’t sure what to put. I think her “oldest” friend is the one we were with on Sunday, but I’m not sure, and you probably shouldn’t say anything. That’s not even the point. She’s not even really “going out” tonight, they’re just meeting to have some pizza and play cribbage. Something they enjoy together. Then tomorrow we have scheduled a “friends” party at our local barbeque spot. It’s too tough to think about who to invite, so I just posted where we’ll be, and at what time, so people who want to show up can. It has the potential to grow out of control, but I don’t think it will. Although a lot of people like her. Oh well, we wanted it where lots of people could be there if they wanted, however, also making it a situation where only people who are “real” friends would make the trip. Then Saturday is casino day with her mom and our daughter. My parents may show up too, along with her mom’s boyfriend, and a close family friend. Finally, on Sunday, we’re going to my parent’s house so I can cook one of her favorite meals with my family. That feels like a week!

     The reason we got 3 meals in a row together is because The Calvins canceled practice on Tuesday. I think the drummer had something to do on Tuesday, and the guitarist had something to do on Wednesday, so it seemed like Thursday was the only day. It’s a month until our next show, but still, we like to stay sharp. On Monday, I sent out my usual request about band practice to the Eruption. Only the drummer responded, with a “no.” I waited until Tuesday for the others to respond, but it didn’t happen. I thought that was weird. So, I decided Calvins are practicing on Thursday. The Calvins know where my heart is, and what my schedule is, so they were very appreciative. I also thought it was weird that once I canceled Eruption practice, the other 2 texted me back right away, saying “okay.” You can’t get back to me about practice in an entire day, but you’re all over a text cancelling it? Weird! Especially since we just had an interesting practice last week, where I had to bring up the uncomfortable topic of our drummer. Eruption’s drummer, and the other 2 have been friends a long time. A long time. They used to live together, they grew up together, it’s a whole thing. Unfortunately, not having life-long friends, I don’t think the same way as people who do. So, when I tried to have the talk with them last week, I was met with a sea of vagueness. The guitar player kept saying “it’s like you’re reading my mind,” but we never decided anything. It was like every question I asked was met with: “that’s a good question,” instead of an answer. And I know we don’t need an answer right away, we just need to start thinking about it, and search ourselves for thoughts. It was apparent that to the 2 of them, this was bigger than just replacing a drummer. Which is fine, that’s what I needed to know. After our “meeting” the guitar player called the drummer, who told him that he thought he’d be ready in about a month. Which is not what he had told me.