Scary Start Of The Year

      Well, I don’t know where I should begin, it feels like a lot has happened since I last wrote you. I guess I’ll start with the easy stuff. I’m a little unsure of what’s going to happen tonight. I practiced with the Calvins last night. I usually don’t like to practice 2 nights in a row, because my fingers can get kind of sore, but I’m feeling good today. Practice was good. We’re working on a new song, and it’s getting pretty close to being written. We also started learning a new cover song. We want to play it at our next show, which is February 17^th. We’ve got a lot of work if we want to get that done. It’s not that hard of a song. I’ve already memorized it, and last night we found out that the guitarist hasn’t even listened to it yet. Hence some of our problems. But the first time went well, and I think we can get it in time. People will be stoked! I was glad to find out that Wednesday practice will only be for another couple of weeks, and then we’ll get back to usual. The reason I’m not sure about tonight, has to do with the Eruption. Well, technically JoZ. Remember last week when I was confused why it took so long for them to get back to me about playing last Thursday? This week was different. I sent out my usual message on Monday, asking about Thursday. The guitarist responded right away, he was in. Then the drummer, you guessed it, said he couldn’t. And then, a little later, the keyboardist said he was in. I responded “sweet,” like I usually do. I took that interaction to mean that at least 3 of us, JoZ, were getting together tonight. However, usually on practice days, the guitarist will text me to make sure what time I’m picking him up. I did not receive a text from him today. I assume we’re on, I know I could text, but I’d like to think I don’t have to.

     My desire for mystery could end up costing me $50. My card has already been charged for the room, so if we don’t practice, I’m out $50. I hope we’re practicing! If not, at least it should be fun to see the look on his face when I show up on his doorstep unannounced. I hope I have assumed correctly. That’s the thing, with the Calvins we don’t need to verify. Even if we don’t text, everyone shows up on time to practice. I prefer it that way. Oh well, I like a little mystery. This ought to be interesting. I’m sure it’ll be fine. Sort of. Now that we got that out of the way, we can get on to more serious content. Last Friday was my wife’s birthday. I think I told you about the events we had planned. So, for her actual birthday, I believe I told you, we planned on going to our local barbeque spot, and I put out a message on social media letting people know. She got a pretty good turnout. I’m not sure she got everyone she wanted, but there was a good amount of people. The surprising part to me was that most of the people there were the same people we had hung out with on the Sunday prior. It’s not that big of a deal, apparently, we like to hang out with each other, I was just surprised at how many people were willing to do it again. I kept looking around with the feeling of: “I guess these are our friends.” There seemed to be, at least to me, a lot of noticeable absences. There were people I thought would definitely be there, but no. I was a little surprised, but my wife didn’t complain once. She seemed pleased with the crowd, and I never heard her once say anything about who wasn’t there. In the subsequent days, she received a lot of “Sorry I couldn’t make it” texts. We had a good time, the pictures looked great, it was fun.

     I just got the confirmation text! Whew! From both of them, within a minute of each other! We are in synch! And I continue: The next morning, we slept in, and as we were getting ready to get ready to go to the casino, my wife got a phone call from an unknown number. She answered. It was our daughter, she was at the hospital because she was in a car accident. She was the only person injured. Approximately 200 yards away from her grandmother’s house, she lost control of her vehicle, crashed into a parked car, and rolled her vehicle. She had to climb out of an upside-down vehicle with a shard of glass in her hand. It separated her middle finger from her index finger to about the middle of her palm. She’s alive! That’s all we could really think at the time. It was near 2 am, she had been out with friends, and luckily the officer did not test her BAC%. She may not have been “drunk,” but still. This is the 2^nd car she’s destroyed in 2 years! Both times avoided going to jail! Both times avoided injuring anyone else. Thank God! Needless to say, this is not what you want to hear on your birthday weekend. The mood was dampened. Her grandmother picked her up from the hospital, she was sleepy, and said that we should go on with our plans. Although our plans were to hang out with her! My wife thought it would be best to go about our business, thinking it would take her mind off of it. I don’t think that would’ve been possible. We lost a bit of money, had a nice dinner, and saw her the next day. It was not good to see her like that. Mostly just the hand, and a bump on the face, but still, you don’t want to see your loved one in pain, even if it is their fault. So now we get to wait and see how this will all unravel. More details to come.

Last Of The First Of's

      The eve of my wife’s birthday. She takes her birthday fairly seriously. I think perhaps because she grew up in a house with multiple children, that may have been the only day that she actually got to be special. I am happy to oblige, although I do not wish that much hoopla for myself. She’s usually pretty excited, and I think she is, but this is the first one without her father, so I know she mentioned being a little sad about that. The other day she was on the phone with her mom, and her mom finally admitted how sad she was over the holidays, knowing that the girl’s father was no longer with us. My in-laws had been separated for over 20 years. I don’t know how much they still spoke. I imagine it wasn’t very much. But, having her mother admit to being sad, made me wonder. Maybe she was just sad for the girls. I don’t know. I’ve been in the picture for 22 years, and never saw him at a Christmas or Thanksgiving, so his absence was not felt by me. I think my mother-in-law’s admission of sadness, ignited another sadness in my wife, for the fact that she wouldn’t be getting her father’s birthday call. He hadn’t made the call in a while, but one of my wife’s fondest memories was him calling on her birthday, and telling her the story of the day of her birth. Much like that movie City Slickers. When she first told me about it, that’s instantly what I thought of. I know she was already a little sad because the call hadn’t happened in a while, and I heard her say the other day that knowing that it’s never going to happen again, was making her sad again. She wishes she had a recording of it. We are rapidly coming up on the anniversary of his passing, so this is the last of the “First ‘of’s’ without him.” I know it will eventually mellow, but now is too soon.

     We’ve got a 3-day party lined up. I know she thinks it should be the whole month, but that’s a little ridiculous. She really tried to make it a week. And I think deep down she really thinks it should be a whole week. It practically is a whole week at this point! Sunday was our friend’s birthday, so we went down to the beach, and made a whole day out of it. Mostly eating and drinking, not any actual beach time, except for looking at it from the boardwalk. It was pretty fun, we hadn’t done anything like that in a while. That was a long day! Then we had fancy dinner together 3 nights in a row! I did all the cooking. It was delicious. Now, tonight she’s going out with one of her oldest friends. Or, friend she’s known the longest? They are the same age, ergo I wasn’t sure what to put. I think her “oldest” friend is the one we were with on Sunday, but I’m not sure, and you probably shouldn’t say anything. That’s not even the point. She’s not even really “going out” tonight, they’re just meeting to have some pizza and play cribbage. Something they enjoy together. Then tomorrow we have scheduled a “friends” party at our local barbeque spot. It’s too tough to think about who to invite, so I just posted where we’ll be, and at what time, so people who want to show up can. It has the potential to grow out of control, but I don’t think it will. Although a lot of people like her. Oh well, we wanted it where lots of people could be there if they wanted, however, also making it a situation where only people who are “real” friends would make the trip. Then Saturday is casino day with her mom and our daughter. My parents may show up too, along with her mom’s boyfriend, and a close family friend. Finally, on Sunday, we’re going to my parent’s house so I can cook one of her favorite meals with my family. That feels like a week!

     The reason we got 3 meals in a row together is because The Calvins canceled practice on Tuesday. I think the drummer had something to do on Tuesday, and the guitarist had something to do on Wednesday, so it seemed like Thursday was the only day. It’s a month until our next show, but still, we like to stay sharp. On Monday, I sent out my usual request about band practice to the Eruption. Only the drummer responded, with a “no.” I waited until Tuesday for the others to respond, but it didn’t happen. I thought that was weird. So, I decided Calvins are practicing on Thursday. The Calvins know where my heart is, and what my schedule is, so they were very appreciative. I also thought it was weird that once I canceled Eruption practice, the other 2 texted me back right away, saying “okay.” You can’t get back to me about practice in an entire day, but you’re all over a text cancelling it? Weird! Especially since we just had an interesting practice last week, where I had to bring up the uncomfortable topic of our drummer. Eruption’s drummer, and the other 2 have been friends a long time. A long time. They used to live together, they grew up together, it’s a whole thing. Unfortunately, not having life-long friends, I don’t think the same way as people who do. So, when I tried to have the talk with them last week, I was met with a sea of vagueness. The guitar player kept saying “it’s like you’re reading my mind,” but we never decided anything. It was like every question I asked was met with: “that’s a good question,” instead of an answer. And I know we don’t need an answer right away, we just need to start thinking about it, and search ourselves for thoughts. It was apparent that to the 2 of them, this was bigger than just replacing a drummer. Which is fine, that’s what I needed to know. After our “meeting” the guitar player called the drummer, who told him that he thought he’d be ready in about a month. Which is not what he had told me.

Another Awkward Position

      Well, the Calvins’ show went great. There were a lot of people there! We got there a little early, close to 8 for a 9 start time, and we were like: “Alright, there’s a good amount of people in here.” And the people just kept coming! I should back up a bit. Originally there were 5 acts on the bill. Cochinas Locas were supposed to start at 8:30, and us at 9:15. Earlier in the week They had asked us if we’d go on first, because their drummer didn’t get off work until 8:30. That seemed suspicious. We’ve known the line-up for a little while, and there seemed adequate time to make arrangements. I know things happen, but I also know sometimes people try to improve their slot with shenanigans. We said we didn’t want to change. Then one of the other local acts decided to drop the gig, so there was extra time. So instead of the original start time, Cochinas Locas would start at 9, and us at 9:45. Not that big of a deal. Apparently, a lot of people were there to see them. I had never heard of them. At first, I was put off by how late they started. They didn’t even start setting up until 9! Then, it seemed like the singer/guitar player didn’t know how to use her equipment. Someone had to help her! I thought: “Oh great, this has ‘suck’ written all over it.” They finally got their sound together, a little late, but no big deal. They were actually okay. She could really sing. The crowd was pumped. We went on, and the place was still packed. People were going ape shit. We recognized a lot of people, but to our knowledge, we did not bring that many people. I think only about 10 were “friends” of ours, and a few scenesters, other than that I don’t know how they knew who we were. But they loved it. Someone actually came up and took our set list!

     Come to find out, it was some kind of rock girl show. The “headliners” were an all-girl band from Arizona. We were the only band that did not have a female singer, and no females in the band. It didn’t seem to matter, but I wonder how we got on an almost all women show. We were definitely more testosterone driven than the rest of them. It was noticeable. When I checked social media, I could not believe how many pictures we were in. People we don’t even know posting pictures of us! It was wild. A very good show. Although we fell apart half-way through our last song. Then we decided to start again, and fell apart again. Oh well, it’s punk rock, and no one seemed to care. I have since discussed with the guys what we could have possibly done, and it was received with humility. I have JoZ practice tonight. I’m stoked. It has been a month since we’ve seen each other. It should be Eruption practice, but the drummer is still healing from his car accident. I’m not sure what to do. We got offered a show a little bit ago, and I had to turn it down, because of his injuries. And then, the other day, we got offered a pretty good gig on March the 2^nd. I asked if he thought he might be ready by then, and he said he didn’t know. You don’t know if you’re a month out from being able to practice?! It’s disheartening. I’ve never been through whiplash, and I know it can be serious, but still, what do I do? Just keep waiting? It’s been 4 months, and he doesn’t have any idea if he’ll even be close in 6 months. That means a whole lot more JoZ. Which is fine, but at the same time, we want to be doing other things. At least I think we do. I’m going to have to have a serious talk with the other guys tonight, to kind of see where they’re at.

     I have another drummer in mind, but it might feel weird. He just lost his bass player. Our mutual friend Mario passed away New Year’s Day! What a bummer. Saturday, we went to visit with his wife and some of our friends. It was sad. It’s weird seeing all of my friends crying. He was a talented musician, and knew a lot of talented musicians, I couldn’t believe how many people were there. So, because Eruption’s drummer doesn’t seem to like to play that much, I’ve been thinking about this other drummer for a little while. And now that drummer has no band. Times like these are when my mind starts to wonder: Is this divine intervention? Is this the opened window to a seemingly closed door? I have to talk to the guys. Even if it’s just for some fun. The drum machine can be fun, but that’s not what we got in this to do. So, I feel I’m in an awkward position, and I’m about to ask my bandmates if they want to join this awkward position. I feel weird asking another drummer in if we’re not going to gig. We’re fine not gigging that much. But I would feel weird asking some one to join a band that doesn’t really want to play that much. Although taking the extra time with the songs, with a new drummer, might inspire people. I would also feel weird bringing in someone, and letting them know “It’s only until our drummer is ready to come back.” Although, having someone sitting in might be the motivator to help people heal quicker. I don’t know. This is where I’m at right now. I know the last time I saw our guitar player, he said we may have to have a “big conversation” about what’s going on. Tonight may be that conversation. I hope so, I don’t want to “kick anyone out,” but I also don’t want to be sitting around waiting, while opportunities pass us by. We’re not getting any younger, and we don’t know if he’ll ever be “ready.”

First Post Of The Year!

      Happy New Year! When I used to teach traffic school, I would say that to every class until March. I often made a little joke about not knowing when to stop saying it, after all, I had not seen them yet this year. I’d usually get a little chuckle. But, in general, it is something that I like to acknowledge for a little while. Living here in California, sometimes it’s only the holidays that let us know times are changing. It gets a little colder than usual at times, it gets a little warmer than usual at times, but there are no obvious changes like there are in other parts of the world. Which is fine. It seems like most people here are from places that have obvious change, and they, like we, are here for the usual. Although it did rain yesterday. “The first storm of the year,” they called it. That’s another fun part of the clock turning over, everything is “for the first time this year.” And here I sit writing to you for the first time this year! I bought a house once back in ’95. I had a pretty good size New Year’s party as we entered ’97. I had a video camera, we took a lot of videos. I was drunk. Every little thing that happened, I would say: “For the first time in 1997.” I was getting some chuckles, but watching the video some time later, it was actually kind of annoying. Imagine that, something that a drunk finds funny is actually annoying!  I just realized that I don’t talk to any of those people anymore. It’s kind of sad, but not really. I was in the military, and people move on. Plus, my whole life has been one long journey of not talking to people anymore, so I don’t really have the habit of staying in touch. I’m just glad I thought of them, and realized how much of an affinity I have for being aware that we are in, what I like to call: “A whole new now.”

     I’m tempted to go into my “whole new now” idea, but alas, now does not feel like the right time, and I should leave that for another now. I could take up a whole session on that topic, but I’m going to try to be a bit more organized this year. It’s not a “resolution!” It’s just that in an area where I wish to improve, writing, things need to be changed every once in a while. I want to be getting better, not stagnating. And the thought I had through most of last year’s writings was: “I should be more organized.” There should be more story telling here. Obviously there will be times when words just flow out, and I’ll appreciate them just the same, but in general, I feel like I should be telling you something, not just letting you read my random thoughts. Although we do find some juicy nugs in my random thoughts, that doesn't mean I’m getting better. I have to remind myself that I am not doing this just to do it, I’m trying to get better at it. It being storytelling, it being expressing myself, it being typing at the speed of my mind. The last one is the hardest. I used to think I had to write it all out freehand, because that was the closest way to keep up with my mind, but now I feel like I’m almost able to keep up better while typing. It was suggested to me a long time ago that I should probably work this way, since it’ll help from having to do everything twice. But, sometimes it takes a long time for advice to sink in. At the time it was suggested to me, I wasn’t really in a situation where it was feasible to do so, and now that I am, they were right, I have almost trained myself to be able to type at the speed of my mind. Thoughts travel fast. Sometimes I feel it’s like trying to jump on a train, holding on for dear life, hoping I don’t lose it.

     Well, that was unintended! Oh well, as usual, I’m sticking with what comes out. In an attempt to be more organized, I thought I was going to start using a format, where one paragraph would be present, one would be past, and one would be future. This has not happened. Oh well, it’s the first one of the year, I’ve got 51 more chances to be more interesting. Past: My parent’s house was pretty fun this weekend. We ate a lot of good food. I love the opportunity to be able to cook for them. They are always very appreciative. They don’t socialize much, so when we get to go over, we make it a party. They seem to really like the food I make. All of them comment on it. They seem to notice that I’m getting better every visit. I do think about it a lot, and I do practice a lot. A lot! So it makes sense that I’d get better. But I’m still never sure if they’re just being appreciative, or if they really like it. It sounded silly as soon as I typed it, but the thought is there: are they just being nice? It doesn’t seem like it. I’ve known these people my whole life, they aren’t that good at acting. Plus, I just had leftovers last night, it is delicious! They even want to make plans to do it more often. It must be true. Future: The Calvins have a gig tomorrow night. First gig of the year! It’s with a couple of touring bands, which is cool, but at the same time, you never know how many people will show. It’s hard enough to get locals to show up for a hometown band, let alone a band you’ve never heard of from a place you don’t know. Who knows? They may have a big following. I’m just excited to play in front of new people, and hopefully get some new fans. It’s also kind of mysterious ‘cause we don’t know who offered us this gig. Things could be happening!