A Month Behind!

      Wow, three weeks behind, and only three weeks left to catch up. I guess I’m going to have to be doubling up. I’m not sure exactly how this is going to work, but I’ll try to make it seamless. I’ve done two things I never do: 1) I made a list to make sure I stay on top of where I should be, and 2) I looked over the last post, so I knew what I said. My note to myself said the missing post was from “Veteran’s Week.” Then, when I logged on, I noticed/remembered that I did post on Veterans Day, so I don’t have to go through that again. Although, that was to have been from the 6^th, so technically, I am a month behind. Exactly a month. That doesn’t change what I have to do, it just changes the perspective. Obviously, it has been tough to squeeze this in. Adapting to a new job, along with the holidays, and a fleeting relationship, doesn’t really leave much time to stop and think for a bit. I think a lot in the car, while I’m driving, but thinking at the keyboard has obviously gone to the wayside. Which is the type of thinking I’m typing about here. The kind I share with you. This may get a little messy, but I hope to make it easy to follow. Obviously, after all this time, there is a lot to get to. But, there is also a lot going on in my head right now, so I’ll try not to trail off so much, but some things need said/written, and some are just to keep myself straight, and put context to what has been going on. For example: Yesterday was my mother’s birthday. We are going out to celebrate our combined birthdays. Mine was on the 3^rd. I’m excited, we’re going to Kaiserhoff’s, in OB. We’ve never been there. It should be fun. Waiting until I got to the appropriate posting day would be lame in this instance.

     When I say that “we” are going to Kaiserhoff’s tonight, I’m talking about my nuclear family. Nuclear being the family I was born into. I made the reservations for 5, but, after this week, I uninvited my “wife.” As usual, I’m not sure how much I should get into, but, also as usual, it is what’s on my mind, and can’t “skip” over it. Things are not going good. Last night “we” were supposed to go pick out our cups for the chili cook-off tomorrow, but I cancelled that too. I feel bad, because I really wanted to go. It’s the SONO Chili Cook-Off, and it’s a big deal. I’ve been wanting to go for a while. I also feel bad because some new friends of ours actually bought our tickets, weeks ago. They wanted to go with us so bad that they took the initiative! But I just can’t do it. When I looked back at my last post, I was reminded how long this “rough patch” has been affecting me. It hasn’t been good. And it seems like a really long time since I last wrote you. I do, however, feel that I can’t do this anymore. How many last chances? Jesus said to turn the other cheek, but I’m running out of cheeks! The last straw had to have been my birthday. All I wanted was her to be sober and present, but she wasn’t. I don’t expect presents, I wanted her presence, but I did not get it. For some reason, she feels that not working means she can just get wasted all day. I don’t agree, and I have said as much, many times. I let her know that I’m about done, and that if she can’t make an effort to stop this behavior, I have to go. But she doesn't seem to care. She just keeps saying one thing, and doing another. Sneaking around, completely unaware that she’s not fooling anyone. It’s really sad. And I can’t take it.

     So, I think this is the demise of my second marriage. I hate being a statistic. I can’t force her to get help. I can’t force her to be honest. I can’t force her to be the person I know she can be, and is, deep down. But, I can’t be walked on, lied to, and disrespected.  When I asked her about getting help, she made a comment about considering NA. NA! I thought this was an AA problem, not an NA problem. I don’t even know what I’m dealing with here now. All I know is that twice now, in the past month, she’s been practically comatose for two days straight. She claims that she’s just “smoking weed.” But, I haven’t noticed our supply shrinking, and I haven’t seen her doing it. I don’t know if you ever smoked, but I do, a little before bed, and I have smoked a lot. I’ve been around people who smoke a lot! But, I’ve never known of a situation where you smoke weed at 10am on a Tuesday, and you can’t function again until Thursday. It doesn't make sense. I know she’s lying. I threw all of our glassware out. Now she can’t “smoke a bowl.” I don’t know what else to do. I want her to be my wife, I love her, and I thought we’d be spending the rest of our lives together. But, when I made that decision, it was with a person who could finish a sentence. I would never have gone on a second date with who she’s become. It’s so frustrating, that I feel I’ve gotten past anger at this point. I’m tired of fighting, and being disappointed. I’m tired of looking straight into the face of someone lying to me. Acting as if I can’t tell. Turning everything on to me, and never being willing to exam the issue. On Wednesday, my birthday, after she sobered up from Tuesday with her sister, she swore it was over, she realized what she was throwing away, and wanted to make changes. I came home on Thursday to a zombie. It’s not fair, it’s not right, and I can’t take it anymore. Sorry so sad.

Certainly Uncertain

      Happy Veterans Day! It’s also Singles Day, Sundae Day, Education Day, Metal Day, and Origami Day. I’m still having trouble figuring out when, and how, to fit this into my busy life. Practice got cancelled tonight, so I have some extra time. Although I probably should be practicing anyway. Plus, I’m having trouble getting into the mood today. I tried having an adult discussion with my wife, and she turned it into a fight, and stormed out of the room. Ruined my night, then told me to have a “nice evening.” It would have been fine if I came home to a sober person, but since I didn’t, things went poorly. Imagine that. I wonder if anyone else has had the experience where things don’t go well with a person who would rather be “messed up.” Sorry, I’m hoping the sarcasm came through. It’s not fun, and I don’t know that we’re going to make it. I know I can’t keep going this way. I honestly feel that she cares more about altering her behavior than she does anything else. I’ve been trying to look on the “Brightside” for a while now. It feels like a long while, and I’m not sure how many “last chances” should be given. It feels like she’s not taking me seriously. And I’m bummed. We’ve been together a long time. I love her, but I’m not a fan of her “altered behavior.” She’s not the same person. I would have never suggested getting married if this was going on before. It’s bizarre to me that it would happen now that we were doing well. We’ve been partiers for a long time, but now I need it to stop. Weekends are fine, but even that is starting to not be so fun. I feel we should be sober the majority of the time, and she does not. And, I know that sober, we would be better together, but she’s not interested. I know I can’t force her, so it leaves me feeling I only have 1 choice.

     Sorry to lay that on you. But, it is what I was thinking about, and that’s kind of how this goes. And, I imagine at this point, you can see why I’m having trouble not thinking about it. However, I will try, because I don’t really want to air dirty laundry online. I’ve probably already said more than I should. But, I had to get it out, and hope I didn’t bum you out too much. I hope you haven’t had to go through this. I know people who have had to, and it doesn’t ever sound fun. Especially because I know if she would just take it seriously, we’d be fine. But she won’t. And it sucks. I don’t want to get rid of my best friend, but I hardly recognize her. I guess I’ll leave it at that. It is weird that this happened on Singles Day. Obviously, this has been coming for a while, but I got a kick out of it being Singles Day, when I’m really dreading the idea of it. I don’t want to be single. I like being a couple. I suppose a lot of people do. I know we’re all “supposed” to be fine alone, but single people sure complain about it a lot. I spend a lot of time alone, and I do feel “fine” with it. However, sharing a life is special. I feel we’re supposed to “couple up.” Enjoying the company of another person is like holding a mirror up to yourself. I’m not sure we can know ourselves without being seen through the lens of another individual. And, here I go again. This is the dilemma, I don’t want to be away, I love her, I just don’t want to be around a wastoid. I’m sure I’m not the only one who’s ever sat around wondering why someone can’t just stop. It’s confusing. I guess I’ll leave it at that. Nothing’s going to be solved by sitting here typing. It’s not making me feel any better like it usually does. It’s making me more sad.

     Metal Day! Are you kidding me?! I’m not a fan of all kinds of metal, but I do appreciate some. It seems like it would be a good thing to bring to people’s attention. There are probably people who never gave it a chance. I say try some, you may like it. Origami Day?! It’s cool. I remember learning a couple of basic ones when I was a kid at school in Japan. I thought it was fun. Some of it is very ornate. I’m always impressed when someone can bust one out. Education Day!? That should be every day! If you’re not learning, you’re losing. Sundae Day!? It feels like we just had that. Like we need an excuse to have a sundae. I made one the other day with a piece of pumpkin pie, and some caramel sauce. It was awesome. It was on Sunday, which I thought was clever in and of itself. Veterans Day did not make the list I normally look at. I wonder if it was too obvious? How could you not include the big one!? It seemed odd, but I’m over it. It was kind of weird too, because some kids were off yesterday, and some were off today. I’m not sure what that’s all about. I was not thanked today. Usually someone will thank you for your service, but not today. Today was a little chaotic. We took a bunch of people from work to Julian for some pie. 1) We were not organized. I’m not sure who was supposed to “know” what was going on, but it was not apparent. We ended up staying way too long, and messing up our evening transportation schedules. Not good. 2) A lot of people also went to Julian today. It was packed! There were lines for everything! Parking was a nightmare. If they suggest it next year, I think I’ll make a different suggestion. Apparently, no one knew what we were in for. Yikes! I never got a lunch! Also, really quick: Today was a “friendiversary” with some one we met on 11/11/11, and this was the first year since, that none of us contacted each other. Weird!

Connecting The Connections

      Happy Zero Tasking Day! It’s also Look For Circles Day, Deviled Egg Day, Orphan Sunday, and Ohio Day. Ohio Day!? Give me a break, I’m not touching that one. Looking for circles!? I’m not dealing with that one either. Now it just seems like they’re making shit up. Orphan Sunday! I can get behind that one. When we have it so good, it can be tough to remember that there are people who wish they had families to be with. I feel for them. That’s one of the things I’m proudest of, is being in the life of the person I call Daughter. I always knew I didn’t want children, and thought that if that ever changed, I would want to take care of someone who already existed, as opposed to bringing another person in. And, I’ve done that. I know she isn’t an orphan, but she was someone with only one parent, and I stepped in to help, and it has made my life immeasurably better for it. Every time I see people on TV complaining about their fertility woes, and how much money they’ve wasted trying to conceive “naturally,” I wonder why they don’t adopt. There are people on this planet who need others, and it seems like people are selfishly trying to bring other people in, instead of helping the ones who are already here. I feel if you want to be a parent, it shouldn’t really matter if it’s biologically “your” child. I happen to think the love can be deeper when it’s a love you chose. It’s easy to love a biological child, there’s an almost automatic feeling of love for your own progeny. But, loving someone just because you do, is, or at least can be, more impactful. There isn’t a “reason” for it. It just is. Plus, loving someone “just because,” creates a dynamic that keeps you from seeing the individual as a mini-you, or a mini-your partner. You don’t see your shortfalls, you only see them for who they are, not some amalgamation of genes and behaviors you don’t quite understand.

     Wow, that took a turn. Obviously, I feel strongly about it. I also have to make a mention of Deviled Egg Day. This was a weird one. I have some pickled eggs in the fridge. They probably should have been eaten already, but there are still a few left. This morning, at breakfast, I said to my wife that I thought I’d make some deviled eggs with the pickled eggs this afternoon. Then, when I was getting ready to write this, and saw it was National Deviled Egg Day I almost had a conniption! Those are the little jolts of energy that keep me going! It may sound silly, but when things like that happen, I really do feel like there has been a divine interjection. I don’t normally write on Sunday, but I’ve got to get these in somehow. And, the randomness that I happen to be doing this today, after having been prepared to make deviled eggs, and then find out it’s deviled egg day, is more than my brain is willing to conceive as random! Even if I’m reading into it, it still makes me feel good to feel this way. The thought that the divine energy could be interacting with me keeps me motivated. And, I don’t care to stop feeling that way. And, I am happy to say, that the more I feel this way, the more it continues to happen. And that is also more than my brain can conceive as random. I honestly feel that people keep themselves from feeling this way often. Talk ourselves out of the idea that when we feel this divine intervention, it’s true! I say why not own it!? Even if it’s something as silly as National Deviled Egg Day! It fills me with joy, and has me looking forward to the next little thing that makes me feel this way. Do yourself a favor, the next time you have the feeling that something that happens makes you feel like the Universe is listening to you, claim it! You may not be wrong!

     Like, for example, our next little trip: Zero Tasking Day! I also feel strongly about it. And, the fact that it came up today, on a day when I normally don’t do any tasks, gives me the chills. I don’t really consider this a task, although it kind of is. 2 out of the 5 directly relate to my life, on a day I shouldn’t probably even have been doing this! Outrageous! I take the idea of a day of rest very seriously. I figured, since I was just going to be sitting around watching football anyway, there’d be no harm in getting this done while the game is on. It’s only slightly more involved than just sitting here. Although, it is half time now, and I don’t even have any idea what the score is. It is surprisingly not distracting me. Whereas, when it’s a show with a plot, and dialogue, I can get easily distracted. I’m a little bummed that I’m not really interacting with my wife while I do this. But, it’s only for an hour, and she’s here with me, so it’s kind of like we’re spending time together, just quietly. Working a regular job has us trying to figure out all kinds of different ways to get the things done that need done, in a new way. Keeping a day of rest, when you only have 2 spare days, makes it a little tougher. Before, I was able to get all kinds of things done during the week. That is more complicated now. But, I love it. I’m having fun, and getting paid, to help people. Kind of like what I was writing in the beginning, I’m taking care of people who need taken care of. I’m getting to use all of my skill sets to help people have a better life! You can’t beat that! I feel useful! And, most of all, like I was mentioning a little bit earlier, I feel connected! I literally feel like my life is being tailored for me. I wish we could all feel that way.

Going Someplace You've Never Been, And Calling It Something It Isn't

      Happy Animation Day! It’s also Chucks-N-Pearls Day, Wild Foods Day, Plush Animal Lover’s Day, and Immigrants Day. Immigrants Day!? I’m surprised Trump didn’t have that cancelled. Being as that almost every single one of us came from immigrants, it should be more highly celebrated. We are a nation of immigrants, why not?! When “our” ancestors landed on Plymouth Rock, we were not “legal” immigrants. But, to this day, I’ve noticed a lot of people seem to forget that. I’ve almost gotten into some online arguments, because people don’t like to “remember” that. They always seem to forget about the first of us. They get up-in-arms about everything, until you point out the truth. Then, it’s as if they have nothing to say. Or, they want to bring up stuff that really doesn’t matter, and has nothing to do with the fact that we also came here “illegally.” Just because our ancestors thought they had a “God-given right” to overtake the world, doesn’t make it true. When our ancestors got here, there were already people here. That is true. Now, to keep people from coming, or to demonize those who came, doesn’t seem to suit us. I understand we want to control overcrowding, and I understand that there are different processes in place now, but none of that takes away from the fact that we immigrated here! And, it seems that we should be a little more empathetic. I also recognize that, for a while there, it did seem like an open-door policy, and since the tide has changed, less people are making the journey. So, it would lead one to naturally wonder, how desperate could they be, if the journey is no longer worth it? Their living conditions have improved? Or, they were just looking for a free spot in the promised land, like some would have us believe? I have often wondered what it would take for those people to revolt against their own government. If they want a better life, fight for it! Change your situation! Make your home more tolerable!

     Running away never seems to be the answer. Although, the example set forth by our ancestors, is that it is. They left Europe to come here. To make a fresh start. Now it seems that some would wish people to stop doing that. We’ve left to make a fresh start, but now, you shouldn’t come. I equate it to Nuclear Bombs. Now that we have them, and have used them, and know how awful they are, we wish no one else to have them. We want to be the only kid on the block with the power. And, surprise, surprise, that doesn’t sit well with the others! It’s all mind-spinningly complicated. We no longer want the “tired, huddled, masses.” Good luck getting Johnny What’s-his-name to be happy farming. Is it possible to be a farming “influencer?” Can he farm “remotely?” I don’t see a lot of young people wishing to do things that need done. Are the big companies going to finally pay people what they’re worth? As long as “labor” is still just another line-item on an expense report, “labor” will always be another cost to be avoided. Whoa! Did we get off track! Immigrants are not just “labor,” but it seems like that’s the selling point. We imported our “labor” for years. Then, when that became “illegal,” we started outsourcing jobs. Coincidence!? If we were all millionaires, we’d just have to do the bidding for the billionaires. Aires, and aires, and aires, until none of it makes any difference anymore. Okay, sheesh, that’s enough already. Who knew that would set me off? Especially on Plush Animal Lover’s Day! Are you effing kidding me? Now the adults who still love their plush animals get to have a day to be proud of their delay? My mother has a collection of plush Christmas animals that would fill a studio apartment! I don’t think she’s celebrating today. I’m not sure if it’s a plush animal thing, or a Christmas thing. Either way, I can’t believe they need a special day.

     Third paragraph, and I haven’t even gotten started yet! Sorry, I had no idea the “you-know-what” was going to get me all “you-know-what.” Especially on Animation Day! I’m going to skip Wild Foods Day. I know it’s becoming trendy, and people seem to have a fondness for it. Maybe it does need a day! People should be aware that some people are foraging, and preparing wild foods, and it’s supposedly a lot better for us. But, I live near a desert, and don’t want to think about what wild foods it would reveal. I’m also going to skip Chuck-N-Pearls Day. I didn’t even know what it was. I had to look it up. To save you the trouble, it has to do with what it sounds like: wearing pearls, and Chuck Taylors. Supposedly it has to do with a new style of dress, half casual, half upscale, allegedly made popular by Kamala Harris. I knew people doing that thirty years ago, that’s not new, and was not spearheaded by any current politician, I can assure you that. Just because it wasn’t on social media until recently doesn’t mean it didn’t happen. There were things happening before the internet! It’s not new, just because you never heard of it before. Kind of like what we were talking about before, just because we didn’t know this land was here, doesn’t mean it wasn’t habited. Gotta love the tie-ins! Wow, that was a lot to say about the things I was skipping. Now, I barely have time for my favorite one, and, it looks like my life-update will have to wait for my next post. You can always contact me if you’re concerned. Animation Day! My, my, my! What would the world be like without animation!? Boring. If I had to guess. I have been a fan of animation since I was a kid. And, apparently, with the popularity of the MCU, I am not alone. Even though, I never read comic books. I was more into cartoons, and still am. Animation has made me who I am, and what I think about.

Corners Were Meant To Be Blind

      Happy Global Cat Day! It’s also Dictionary Day, Boss’ Day, Feral Cat Day, and World Spine Day. Although, just like last week, my laptop at home, and at work, told me it’s World Bread Day, which did not make the list on my usual site. Hmm. Cats, feral or not, are pretty popular. I’m not sure they need a day. I’m sure cat lovers everywhere are relishing in the merriments, if they’re aware this day exists. Most of the cat people I know, don’t need a special day to celebrate their cat. They do so already. Often! Boss’ Day!? Some sycophant probably came up with that one. If you have a job, you probably have a boss, and you’re probably aware they exist. If you work for yourself, you are the boss, you may not know about this day, and may not get any presents. However, I think there is something to say about a boss: Good ones are as hard to find as good help is. And, that should be understood. Also, to some degree, I guess we should be at least a little grateful, for those people willing to keep us employed. I don’t know that they need a present, but I suppose it’s worth mentioning that they are a major part of our lives. World Spine Day! I find it interesting because I happen to be having a bit of a back problem right now. It was the weirdest thing, I haven’t had a problem in several years, then, all of a sudden, I woke up Monday morning, my first day! And my back is stiff. I was bummed. Walking around like Frankenstein! Way to make a first impression. I spent most of the time sitting, but that didn’t make it feel any better. I’m a little better today. Hopefully I’ve been hiding it. Nothing like showing up, feeling, and perhaps looking, like an old guy. Spine health is something we should all probably be better acquainted with. We’ve been hearing “lift with your legs” for years. But do we?

     Bread Day?! Obviously, we all know what bread is. But, not everyone has some. Bread is so commonplace now, that I think for a lot of us, it’s hard to realize the steps it took our ancestors to come up with it. If you think about it for any real amount of time, it’s practically a miracle that we figured it out. Grow this stuff, grind it up, add some water, and salt, once you know what that is, figure out how to make a fire hot enough to cook it, and voila! Amazing! Then, it took until my grandparents were children for it to be sliced! Now it seems cliché, but there really was a time when nothing was better than sliced bread! Think about that for a second… Now stop thinking about it! You can’t, right? Anyway: Bread has become such a staple for so many of our meals, it deserves a day. We did that! And, once, for “Lent,” we gave up bread for over 40 days. It really made us aware of how much bread we consume. We had to have conversations about “What counts as bread?” Bagels? English Muffins? Tortillas? It became very eye-opening. Now there’s all this fuss about gluten. I know if you have celiacs, it is a problem, and needs to be avoided. But, most people going gluten free don’t have celiacs, and it feels as though they’re just doing it as a trendy thing. And, the big corporations, are right there for them, giving them the “gluten free” stuff they so desperately need. It’s no coincidence to me that “gluten,” and “glutton,” are spelled so closely. I see “gluten free” written on packages of things that don’t even include flour! That’s the definition of trendy. I saw a package of sunflower seeds that stated: Gluten Free. People are sopping it up because they feel that they’re “on trend,” and sticking to it. Good for them! Suckers. Totally unaware that they’re feeding into the corporate machine, and keeping themselves from enjoying one of our miracles.

     The show on Sunday was awesome! We killed it! It was this guy Mark’s birthday. He’s in a band called Kitty Plague. They’re kind of funny. They have a song about R2D2, if that gives you any insight. The first time I heard them, I didn’t get it. But this time, I saw the comedy of it, and had a much better time. Anyway: We were second, they were third, there were 6 bands. Our friends Dying Species were playing too, we were excited. We found out they were playing last, and got a little bummed, but we had to see them. The guitar player flew in from Texas for the show! And boy, were his arms tired! Sorry about that. Anyway: My point: the place was packed while we played! I felt bad for the other bands. Susan and I got a couple of cool points for staying, as we do, but most people bailed! I felt bad. People even came up to me later, and stated that they thought it seemed like everyone came to see the Calvins! It felt that way. It was noticeable. Everyone seemed to have fun, but it went from about 60 to about 20 as soon as we were done. Now, I’m aware that from an outside perspective, it could seem like we chased them away, but it didn’t feel that way, and a lot of people mentioned that they didn’t think that’s what happened. We were stoked! I’m not sure how much that had to do with my back issue this week. We had a bit of a crazy weekend. We got almost no rest the whole weekend. I tried to take it easy Sunday, knowing Monday was my first day of my new job! But, perhaps the weekend caught up to me. I don’t know. All I do know is that I’m very happy with my new job. I’m doing a lot of training, and still adjusting to how to get all of the things I’m used to/like doing, but the challenge is accepted! My wife is still looking, but we know good things are around the corner.

Job Search Over!

      Happy Handbag Day! It’s also Angel Food Cake Day, Cake Decorating Day, Hug A Drummer Day, and Homeless Day. Also, like has happened before, my laptop says it’s Mental Health Day, but it didn’t make it on the top 5 of the site I use. I find that odd. As much as people talk about mental health these days, I imagine it would be on the top of all the lists. It seems like a good one. Mental health seems to be something we should all be focusing on. Not only our own, but the fact that other people are dealing with shit that the rest of us can’t imagine. And, everyone goes through their own shit in different ways. Hence, since we don’t know what anyone else is going through, it would be a good reminder that people may be about to snap, and kindness, or at least a little empathy, could be the difference between people making it home safely today or not. It’s kind of sad that thoughts like that pop up. But it is an unfortunate truth. Some people may not even know that what they’re going through is a mental health situation. So often, we’re told, especially if you’re in my age group, to tough it out. Or sometimes we even tell ourselves that. And, asking for help, especially involving our feelings, or emotions, is not a skill we were taught. Hence the need for a reminder, check yourself, check on others, and be mindful that many of us are on the verge of crisis, and sometimes it only takes a friendly word, smile, or kind gesture, to lighten someone’s being. I, for one, think it should have placed much higher than Handbag Day! I’m not even getting into that. I think it’s ridiculous. The two cake ones are lame too. I just sent my drummers a message “air hugging” them. They need it. Which brings us to Homeless Day. What a bummer. I know some of them choose it, but not all of them. It sucks.

     That’s as far as I’m going to take that one. We’re all aware of it. Lots of people seem to have ideas about what to do about it, and yet it still continues to be an issue. Something has to happen, but I’ll give my thoughts on a different day. Today, I’ve got too much to say. Starting with: I Got A Job!!! I start Monday! I am so excited! That’s part of the reason I’m doing this today, as opposed to yesterday, because I was at a job interview! I can’t believe it! Sorry, there are probably going to be a lot of exclamation points in this paragraph, and I mean every one! This whole thing has felt divinely guided. I’ve been filling out 5 or 6 applications a day for weeks now. And, I have to tell you, most of them I was just doing for GP. (General Purposes) I assumed you knew, but wasn’t sure, and I know what assuming does to both of us, so, sorry if I over-explained. I made sure to apply only to jobs that I thought I could actually do, and be willing to do. But, for the most part, “willing to do,” was the emphasis. It’s been years since I had a “job,” so I knew that was a hurdle. And, most of the ads I read were not really what I wanted, but, as stated earlier, I was “willing.” Then, I found the ad that worked! Something about the way they wrote it spoke to me directly. I somehow knew, right when I read it, I knew! I clicked “apply” feeling I had found the right combination of things I’d “like” to do. Suddenly, it made all the narrowing down I had been doing make sense. I couldn’t tell you 90% of the jobs I applied for, but I couldn’t stop thinking about this one. Then, the next day, my phone rang, from a number I did not know. I answered, and it was them! I guess Her, would be more correct. I was shocked!

     I cannot describe the feeling I got when I heard her voice. As mentioned earlier, I knew! The feeling I had was right! She wanted me to come in for an interview the next day. I was beside myself. In 50 tries, I hadn’t been contacted at all, then all of a sudden, I knew! We hit it off instantly. I looked up the company online, and everything I read kept strengthening the feeling. I got there yesterday, and as soon as I walked in the door, I knew! I think she did too. She runs a daycare for adults with disabilities, and needs someone to transport the “clients” to, and from, the campus. She actually liked my resume! I was nervous about it, because I thought it may have looked amateur. The fact that the CEO read it and thought: “I should meet this person,” blows my mind! I knew! My interview went great! It was exactly what I wanted, without even knowing that’s what I wanted. All of my skill sets are going to get to be used. It’s like I was made for this. I felt by the end, that she knew too. She kept catching herself, saying “when you start,” and then rephrasing it to “If we decided to go with you,” with a little smile, as if she already knew. It was the best interview I ever had. I’m going to get to help people have a great day, I’m going to help run the transportation department! And, when I’m not working on that, I’ll get to teach the “clients” how to cook, how to play music, help them learn art and gardening, a perfect fit! I wouldn’t have even known to look for a job like this if the ad they posted hadn’t said what it said. It feels truly divine! Now I feel like I’ve found my forever job. I’m stoked! On the other front: the show last Saturday was awesome! We had a bunch of people show up, the bands were all good, and it wasn’t too hot. I told my “smiling” story from last week, and the crowd ate it up! We did Octoberfest on Sunday, it was fun, and we did all that we wanted to.

Smiling About No Need To Fight

      Happy Boyfriend Day! It’s also No Sugar Day, Techies Day, Smile Day, and Mean Girls Day. Not to mention, the beginning of La Mesa Octoberfest! Although we’ll be busy, and only able to attend on Sunday. When we lived in downtown La Mesa, this was the pinnacle of the year! Now that we don’t live there, it’s not as big a deal. Especially since we’re so much more, uh, mature now. Now, I loathe partying with rookies. Plus, when everyone is so much younger than us, it makes it less fun. When we were that age, it was the rage. Now, it’s a cacophony of stupidity. People often bring up this stupid debate about it not being “authentic.” And to that, I say: Who Cares! I don’t know why people care so much about “authentic” German food and beer. If you like that stuff, that’s fine. But I can’t believe they like it so much that they’re willing to stand in line for it, with a bunch of idiots pretending to be something they’re not. I say: Posers! And I refuse to go. La Mesa is a whole village thing, and we get to see the people we used to be in community with. It’s like a family, or school, reunion of sorts. And we don’t have to be there on the crowded nights to have that experience. Let all the randos have their fun, standing in line for hours to get into the Beer Garden, to stand in line for an over-priced beer, to be shoulder-to-shoulder with a bunch of people they would never normally be shoulder-to-shoulder with. I like walking around the booths. I like seeing all the creative things, and food that I don’t normally get. I don’t care about “authentic” German anything. Our first Octoberfest away, we got a hotel room. It wasn’t necessary. The next one, we spent a day. This one, we’ll spend an afternoon. It’s just not the same when you don’t live there, and when you’re, uh, more mature.

     Wow! That was a lot. Sorry about that. Especially since, about halfway through, I thought I remembered telling you all of that before. But, as you know, I try not to use the “edit” button. And, being aware that if you’re not from East County, the feud is probably pointless. Actually, it’s pointless regardless of where you live. But we have some friends that make a big deal about it every year, and so every year I’m like: What the Fuck! I equate it to re-watching scary movies. The other night we re-watched the original Halloween movie. I’ve seen it 100 times, and every single time, I’m like: Don’t leave the knife near Michael! I can’t help it. Maybe as I continue to become more mature, it won’t bother me so much. But, as for now, it still does. Especially because, even though they’re our “friends,” it’s the most pretentious people we know making the stink. Ridiculous. People even have to fight over which Octoberfest is best!? Can’t we give fighting a rest? Isn’t that more fitting for the occasion!? Especially on this Smile Day!? Smile Day! Who knew. I think that’s important. People forget to smile! Yesterday, I was at the DMV renewing my license. I had to go in to take my eye test. I passed! While I was waiting for them to call my number, I found a seat, with two empties near me. A minute or so later, an elderly Asian couple came to take them. The man was going to sit next to me, but first, he gave me this look as to see if it was “okay.” I gave him a little smile, and a nod, letting him know he was welcome to it. His face lit up! It made me so happy that I made someone smile. But then, I thought about what it “meant.” I’m a large, bald, white guy, in the East County. He was checking to make sure I was “friendly.” It made me sad that people in our community have to do that to feel “safe.”

     My goodness, here I am starting the third paragraph, and I haven’t even begun yet! My trip to the DMV is why this was delayed a day. Now I have to scroll to the top to remember what “Day” it is. Boyfriend Day! Are you kidding me!? Techies Day!? Who doesn’t appreciate their IT guy? These days, getting our tech to work is as important as our baristas! Well, not to me, I don’t drink that stuff, but I thought it sounded funny. Mean Girls Day!? Again, are you kidding me!? When I first read it, I thought: How on earth would we want to honor Mean Girls. Then I thought: Maybe it’s about awareness they exist, and look out. But no, it’s about the movie/play. I’m a fan of Tina Fey, and Lindsay Lohan, but come on, we need to nationally recognize it!? What are we doing here!? I may be done with this experiment. And then I get to No Sugar Day. I don’t add sugar to anything. Almost all of my sugar comes from alcohol, or fruit. I am always shocked when I watch cooking shows, or read recipes, how much sugar they put in everything. It’s sickening. Literally, and figuratively! And, I love how they love to put on the packaging: No Added Sugar. There’s probably already so much sugar in it, they don’t need to add any more! It’s like they’re trying to help you make a better decision. Yeah right! (Imagine said like Zach from RATM on “Freedom.”) Wow, I’m getting riled up, and it’s Smile Day! Go figure. Now we’re on the precipice of another full weekend, with another on the horizon. Still no job yet. For either of us. But we have to stay social. Realizing how expensive it is to be social. However, it’s worth it. We’re going to see our friends new band tonight, at our other friend’s new venue. Hoping some of them come to see our show tomorrow, at our other friend’s venue. Trying to make and keep a scene takes effort. And, I’m starting to feel, and I hope I’m wrong but, it seems like scheduling a show on Octoberfest weekend, is a bad idea. May the naysayers like “authentic” rock!

Dream A Dream Of Days Coming Up

      Happy Comic Book Day! It’s also One-Hit Wonder Day, World Maritime Day, Cooking Day, and Lobster Day. My laptop told me that it was also Dream Day, but that didn’t readily come up on the site that I regularly use, so I tagged it. I looked it up, it is on the site, they just didn’t offer it up front like the other 5. But, I included it, since I think it’s important. I didn’t look it all the way up, so I don’t know if they mean “sleeping” dream, or “goal-oriented” dream. That’s another one where I think the words should be different. I mentioned a little bit ago that “love” between a person and a thing, or another person should be different words. I feel the same with “dream.” Without context, someone might think Martin Luther King Jr. was talking about something his mind concocted while he was sleeping, as opposed to his “goal-oriented” desire for change to occur. I think both are important. I celebrate both. I am often saddened by the idea that some people don’t have “GO” dreams. Making it until Friday shouldn’t be a “dream.” I suppose most of the time when we’re talking about “dreams,” the listener would have the context to know whether you’re talking about when you were sleeping or not. Sayings like “teamwork makes the dream work,” steals a little of the importance of both those things. People rarely say that with a smile, as if they mean it. And, I’ve also noticed, that people don’t seem to talk about either type of dream very much. Sometimes it seems like it’s almost taboo to talk about your “dreams,” especially with people that you don’t know that well. Obviously, some people share too much, and talking about their fucked-up dreams fills one of their narratives about how weird they are. But, I do think it’s important to know what your mind is “thinking” about, when you’re subdued. I think being given the gift of remembrance should be cherished.

     I know it can be awkward to talk about, given that most of the time they don’t even make sense to the dreamer initially. But, I also understand that talking things out, especially with another person, can often offer insight to the dreamer, that wouldn’t have been picked up, had they not taken the time to verbalize the images they remember. And, just as importantly, as I have read several times, is stating your other types of “dreams.” Say it out loud! Tell another person. I’ve even heard: Write it down! If not even just for yourself, and to lay claim to your intention for the Universe to experience. So, as I drastically wish to switch from “thinker” to “doer,” I’ll try it. As of this moment: It is my dream that my wife and I find adequate employment. Something we enjoy doing, without too much sacrifice. It is my dream that I start auditioning for voice acting jobs, and learn to make a business of it. It is my dream that as I figure that out, I’ll gain enough money, and experience, to understand how to get my games published, or sold. Then, having achieved those, it is my dream that I’ll gain enough resources, experience, and wisdom, to be able to publish the book I’ve been working on for 26 years! Then, after having followed my heart, and the resources I’ve gained, be able to travel, giving talks, playing games, and helping like-minded people realize that this is all possible, if we get out of our heads, put our feet on the ground, and “do” the things that we “dream” of doing, because I will have a real time example of what it’s like to go from “thinker” to “doer,” “agnostic” to “knower,” and “closed-off cynic” to “loving, open-minded optimist.” Well, there it is. That is my intention. And, hopefully, you’ll stay with me on this journey to see what happens. I start this Autumn with a new sense of urgency, sobriety, and dedication to the cause: My Life!

     Wow, that was sure a mouthful about something I hadn’t even planned on saying. Not that I ever really “plan” on saying anything. I was a sailor, so Maritime Day holds a special place. Most people have no idea what it’s like to be on a vessel in the middle of nowhere, and the closest ground is a mile beneath the water. Let that sink in for a sec… I never really was into comic books. I read Popular Mechanics. My mom always gave me crap about that. My wife and I are trying to get up to speed on the MCU, and we’re enjoying the journey, but it’s almost too much to keep up with. Cooking Day! If I had started with that one, I’d probably still be typing about it. I love cooking. I just finished the lunch I cooked! I rarely take a break from cooking. It’s nice to go out, but I’m getting so good, most of the time I wish we did stay at home. I love lobster. If we were in a different situation right now, I would probably definitely used this as an excuse to get some. But, alas, I’ll pass. However, we are going to dinner with our daughter tonight. I’m excited! I haven’t seen her in a couple of weeks. We usually get together around the Equinoxes, as I believe I told you before. And, today happens to be the day we can do it. Nothing really all that special, but getting to spend time together is all that really matters. Lastly, One-Hit Wonders! Our lives have been shaped by one-hit wonders. And, I often wondered, as I’m sure many a musician/songwriter has, would that be cool? Playing the same song for the rest of your life? It’s often looked down on, as if you could only write that one good song. Insinuating that the rest of your discography is crap. And, a lot of times, it does seem that way. How many times have you got an album because you like “that” song, and have the rest of it disappoint you? Maybe that’s why albums don’t do so well anymore. But, if you’re able to tap into a point in time, and your creation is something people think about in their memories, you’ve won!

For The Love Of Firsts

      Happy Ceiling Fan Day! It’s also Cheeseburger Day, Equal Pay Day, Bamboo Day, First Love Day, and, on a personal note, my mother-in-law’s birthday. Last year, she turned 70, and we had a huge party at Sycuan with a cabana at the lazy river. It was nice. All her daughters surprised her, and we had a great day. Tonight, she’s having a poker party for her aged friends. We may have been invited, but we’re not going. Susan went and floated the lazy river with her last week, so apparently, we’re good. I’m sure we’ll see her soon. I texted her today. It seemed like she appreciated it. It was the first text I’ve ever sent her. In my defense, I only started texting about 6 years ago, and I’m still not that prolific at it. I don’t even actually text, I use voice-to-text. There’s no way I’m trying to type it all out with those little letters. If I enlarged them enough to see them clearly, I’d only get one letter per screen. That’s a little bit of an exaggeration, but you get my point. We used to know this lady, who we think was classified as legally blind. She did only have one letter per screen. It took her 10 minutes to read a few sentences, because she literally had to read one letter at a time. Hopefully technology has caught up to her needs. We haven’t seen her in a long time. I hope she’s doing well. Wow, that was a lot more than I thought I was going to get into at the beginning of this. But, here we are. Seemingly running out of room for anything pertinent in the first paragraph. I will say that I know several people who love ceiling fans in their bedroom. I slept in a room with one a couple of times, it was too noisy for me. And, in general, unless they are way up in the air, ceiling fans make me nervous. You know it’s dangerous when other people tell you to watch your head.

     Cheeseburger Day! Are you kidding me!? Didn’t we just do this!? I thought so, and looked it up. A couple of weeks ago it was Hamburger Day! Come on now! This is getting ridiculous. I think those should be the same thing. Trickery! I had a very boring cheeseburger last week when I went out for Chocolate Milkshake Day. Plus, the milkshake was boring! It didn’t even taste like chocolate! Since we are both out of work right now, I thought I’d go cheap, and treated us to Carl’s Jr. Something we occasionally enjoy. As mentioned last week, I don’t normally go for a shake. I would rather have had a Frosty from Wendy’s! I don’t even consider that a shake, and I still would have liked it more than what I got. Bummer! I guess if I wanted to be dazzled, I should have upped my shake game, but I went cheap. However, later that night, after freezing it, thawing it, re-freezing it, adding chocolate syrup, and thawing it again, it turned out to be awesome! (In your best announcer’s voice: Chocolate Milkshake, some assembly required.) It was worth every audible disappointment. Although, from this point forward, if I want a Milkshake, I’m going to a specialty establishment. Bamboo Day! I heard it really is incredible material, and fast growing, but how many of us are going to actually celebrate? How would you? There are tips on the website I use, that I won’t share. You have to want it! Equal Pay and First Loves could take up the rest of this post all by themselves! I suppose I can try to keep it short. Equal pay is something I think we should all strive for. The only people who don’t seem to want equal pay are the ones making way too much. How can I preserve my status as better, and more important than you, if we’re paid the same? Especially since the rich getting more, doesn’t fuel the economy. If poor people were paid more, all that money would go right back into the system!

     First Loves! Wow, no matter who you are, that probably evokes fond memories in anyone who sees, hears, reads, or thinks about it. I’m assuming they meant between people, but you can imagine, with the way we throw around the word “love” today, first loves could encompass everything from Cheeseburgers, to Songs, to the little Redheaded Girl. Or Boy! Whatever you’re into. For a while now, I’ve wished there was a different word for “interpersonal love,” as opposed to liking something very much. I’ve heard other languages do, but since I don’t know anyone who speaks those languages, even if I knew the word, no one else I talk to would. It also makes me think, even though I’m running out of time/space, aren’t most First Loves wrong? For most of us, especially interpersonally, that feeling is associated with that love not lasting. Does that mean we were wrong? I don’t know. I think it helps us define it better for the future. But by the time we’re in an actual loving relationship, we no longer think of it as a First Love. Even though it’s the first one we decided to make official. Other than on FB. I imagine most of us think about First Love as something to reminisce about, as opposed to something that may actually be happening to you right now. But, because you have learned to think of it as something long ago, that did not turn out well, it may seem silly to consider that you, hopefully, are still continuing to experience First Love. Unfortunately though, a lot of people, especially in my age group, aren’t usually trying new things, robbing themselves of the feeling of a new “first.” It's kind of sad. I also think people like the newness of relationships, and it tends to keep people from feeling “new,” with the familiar, or never letting the relationship grow, to keep it’s “newness,” something akin to “puppy syndrome.” Well, here we are. Last sentence. I suppose the only thing left to say is: Last Saturday the Burning Beard show kicked ass! We packed that place!

Too Close For Comfort

      Happy Video Games Day! It’s also Stand Up To Cancer Day, Chocolate Milkshake Day, Bravehearts Day, and Gym Day. I didn’t know what Bravehearts was, apparently it has to do with child sexual abuse. Not necessarily something I wish we had to draw attention to, but, since it does exist, maybe making people aware could help stop it. Standing up to cancer seems to be something that could go without saying. I’m sure every single one of us has had cancer impact us in some way. Either through direct contact, or through a personal connection. No one is immune from its grasp, and it seems overwhelming to me, sometimes, that we still haven’t been able to eradicate this festering problem. It’s sad. Another thing that doesn’t care with whom you’re affiliated, it attacks us all equally. The saddest part, is that only a few of us have the means to combat it, if faced with the need to. Gym Day! That is probably necessary. I’m sure most of us need reminded from time to time, that we should be more active. I know I should. However, knowing it’s Gym Day, will not have the same effect on me, as say, Chocolate Milkshake Day will. There is probably a chocolate milkshake in my immediate future. Whereas, if the gym is in my future, it is not immediate. And, a chocolate milkshake wouldn’t be in my future if I hadn’t looked it up today. Especially since, as mentioned several times before, I’m not really a huge sweets fan. Occasionally, I enjoy a little, and a chocolate shake is definitely on the list. Now, I have an excuse to get one! And that’s how this little project can work. I find it mildly amusing that Gym Day, and Chocolate Milkshake Day, are on the same day. As if they go together. Which they kind of should. Lastly, Video Games Day! I had no idea. To think of how they’ve changed is worth mention! I don’t play as much as I used to, but they have been a major part of my life.

     Now to get into the scrambled mess that has been the last two weeks. Where do I start? I guess I have to go back to Labor Day, to have it make any sense, to me. Something else I would have told you last week. (Imagine the wavy lines you see in a movie when they’re reflecting, with some dreamy music) The Friday of Labor Day weekend, the Calvins discussed practicing on Saturday, as I believe I already told you. I was told it would be a Saturday decision. Saturday morning, I was informed that our guitar player “wasn’t feeling it,” and we would not be practicing. Later that day I inquired as to what time we should be there on Sunday, and if I still needed to bring my gear. I was told that we weren’t playing, so whenever we got there would be fine. Not playing! That’s two cancelled shows in a row! Not good. I was bummed. Sunday, we had two parties to attend. I wouldn’t even have gone to the Calvins’ party if I wasn’t in the band with them. We were having so much fun at the first party that we didn’t really want to leave, and everyone was bummed that we were. It was kind of sad. However, we did end up having fun at both. Initially, we thought we’d just be “stopping by” the Calvins’ party, and returning to the other. But, more people were there than we expected, we got to see a lot of friends, and stayed a lot longer than we originally thought. It was fun, but it was also weird how many people were bummed that we weren’t playing. At least 15 people were there to see us, and probably wouldn’t have come if they knew we weren’t playing. I felt bad. Especially since, at that point, I still had no idea why! Plus, we were all there! How confusing, and complicated, trying to navigate the strangeness. Monday, we just chilled. I thought we’d see my parents, but strangely enough, they were busy.

     In my last post, I pretty much went over Labor Day Week, uneventful. The Eruption’s drummer didn’t practice, nor this week either. We’re running out of time to get our set together for the 4^th. I’m sure we’ll be okay, but still, it’s disheartening. One week it’s his back, the next week it’s a runny nose. Granted, I don’t want to get sick, but it seems like it’s always something. I know, at this point I must sound like some kind of broken record. However, the JoZ crew will be ready! Saturday, of last weekend, was a little weird. Our friend wanted to take Susan out for her birthday. Her birthday was in January! He’s been bugging her this entire time. She finally agreed, and he invited a bunch of other people! Some of which, we were not all that happy to see. It turned into a shit show, and the whole time, we’re sitting there wondering: “Why Jeff? Why?” Nothing really happened, it was just a cluster fuck, and not at all what we thought we’d signed on for. Two of the people are ideologically different than us, and it was weird to hold my tongue all night. Not a fan! Especially since, like the weekend before, we were already at a very cool day-long show! We were in OB at the Holding Company, at a badass concert with a bunch of very cool bands! We left that to go be uncomfortable. How fun! In two weekends, we saw everyone we know. It was kind of surreal. Parts felt good, parts I just mentioned. Sunday, we recovered. Then Monday happened. I’ll try to be succinct. I was going grocery shopping, as I usually do on Monday afternoon. As I pulled out of the car port, I saw a large plume of smoke, seemingly at the construction site, near the main road. As I approached the main road, I could see it was a little farther away, but not very. I could not get to the grocery store. The fire was huge, and close. I turned around, went home, and we packed a bag waiting to be told if we should evacuate. We were spared, but it was one of the scariest times of our life. It got within a block of my drummer’s house. We are all glad to be safe today.

Should've Been The 4th, But Oh Well

      Happy Swap Ideas Day! It’s also TV Dinner Day, Port Wine Day, Anti-Junk Light Day, Quiet Day, and it also happens to be my anniversary. We were married 6 years ago today, in a small ceremony at the courthouse in El Cajon. It was a Tuesday. I remember because I thought how strange it was to get married on a Tuesday. However, we wanted the date 9-10-2019, which was a Tuesday, and that’s how that happened. I’ve told you I’m a numbers nerd, and so is she. We love a good palindrome. We thought it was especially cool because it works whichever way you write the date: 9-10-2019 or 9-10-19. We had the reception on the 14^th, with a more traditional style party. It was packed! It was one of the only large parties I’ve ever been to where I knew everyone there. We had fun! My wife still brings it up like it was yesterday. Ah, the good ol’ days! When we were both working for a growing company, thought we had a plan for the future, and were ready to get serious about our life together. It seems like 100 years ago to me. I wasn’t going to get into this stuff until paragraph 2, but since we’re here already, I just went with it. A lot has happened in these 6 years. Some of it kind of scary. We were together almost 18 years before we got married. And, almost as soon as we did, a plague infected the planet. Coincidence?! We did nothing but grow and get “better” before that. Ever since then, it has been a roller coaster! I like roller coasters. But at least those are controlled. I’m not complaining, but some stuff has happened. Not all of it our fault. And I know we’ll grow because of it. However, and I know I joke about it sometimes, things did change right after we got married. Now 6 years later, and unfortunately, too often, I wonder if we did the “right” thing.

     Alright, now onto more pertinent topics: Obviously, for any of you paying attention, this should have been done last week. However, it was Labor Day weekend, which leads to a shortened week, along with different band practices, and another person with me at home, things got a little discombobulated. Wow! I spelled that right the first time! Anyway: It’s amazing to me how little things, being just a little different from what they’re “used to” being, can cause so many other little things, to go awry. Groceries get pushed to Tuesday, which makes it “feel” like Monday. JoZ practice on Wednesday, makes it “feel” like Thursday. We had leftovers in the fridge that needed eaten, so on Thursday, I decided to make us a nice lunch, since we wouldn’t be having dinner together. Next thing I knew, I didn’t have time to write. It feels so long ago, I can’t even remember what excuse I gave myself for Friday. It was a good one, I’m sure. I knew I’d eventually have time. And due to circumstances, I’ll more than likely disclose with you tomorrow, today is the eventuality of last week’s post. As usual, I will try my best to keep it in order, but alas, as mentioned, so much has already happened, it may strain my psyche to do so! I struggled with the idea of doing what would’ve been last week’s “Days.” But, when I looked them up, they were good, but it felt like “cheating.” I write on today’s topics, not last Thursday’s. I was also going to do this yesterday, so I looked them up, but again, due to circumstances to be named, and my feeling that I should “stick with what I’ve been doing,” I decided to go with the ones that are for today, the day I’m actually writing this, as is the norm, set forth by me. And, after hearing what I just heard, before I shut the TV off, it seems as though perhaps, today’s topics are more pertinent than expected, and a little freaky to boot.

     An hour or so before I began this, I heard that Charlie Kirk had been killed. You can look him up if you’re interested. I had seen some of his stuff online, and thought he was kind of annoying. Because of the kind of stuff I follow, I’d only ever seen him made to look stupid, but I didn’t really “know” who he was. Any loss of life is abhorrent. Except for those who have lived long and well, and are “ready.” So, when I read today’s topic, after hearing that, I thought: “Wow! How relevant.” Swap Ideas Day. The only thing I know about Kirk is that he would set up these debates for people with opposing ideas to talk to him about it. As mentioned earlier, I only ever saw footage of him being made a fool of, but, to each their own, and he was an example of the kind of idea swapping I think should be more abundant. No one seems to want to “talk” with the “other” side, and it seems now, more than ever, we need to swap ideas, not dictate. Sorry to Kirk’s family. TV dinners, all the rage back in the day, now are getting a little fancier. My wife had never had one. I got her one to try when we moved in. That was the first, and only, one she’s ever had. I cook a lot, so there’s no need. Most of the time. Port wine, I haven’t tried it, but it sounds interesting, and I plan on trying it, but not today. Anti-Junk Light sounds like something I’d be for. I’m not exactly sure what it stands for, but I like to look at the stars, and if “Junk Light” keeps me from seeing them better, then I’m definitely Anti-Junk Light! And then there’s Quiet Day. In a weird way it seems strange to be so vocal on Quiet Day. But seriously, some people need to shut the fuck up! However, I’m sure it’s there to remind us that we don’t need to talk, or be around noisiness, all the time. We need time to recover! Silence is a gift that far too few people appreciate. If you can’t sit with your own thoughts, then you need new thoughts.

The Scare Of Uncertainty

      Happy Red Wine Day! It’s also Bow Tie Day, Rainbow Bridge Remembrance Day, Radio Commercials Day, and Cherry Turnover Day. Well, I won’t be having any red wine today. I don’t really care for it. I only had 1 ever that I thought tasted good. But, it turned my teeth, and all of the teeth of the people I was with, red. What’s worse is, for some reason, none of us knew, and all went out for after dinner drinks, looking like we had just eaten a sacrifice! It was embarrassing, and haven’t revisited the product. Bow ties, not a fan. Some people can rock them, but I’m not into things around my neck. I wouldn’t have any idea how to tie it, and, am not interested in learning. I had to look up Rainbow Bridge. Apparently, it has to do with pets who have “crossed over.” I have never thought about, or heard about it. I never once thought that my deceased pets were waiting for me somewhere. Plus, my pets have been gone so long, if there was a place to “wait,” it’s more natural for me to think that they’ve come back in by now. Not to say I “believe” in “reincarnation,” but it’s easier for me to believe that, than Shadow waiting for me to come to some celestial home. I know people love their pets, but I’ve lost every pet I’ve ever had, so it seems like it’s just part of the natural order of things. Radio Commercial Day! I spend a lot of my driving time trying to avoid them! Yes, I still listen to terrestrial radio. It seems weird to reminisce of a nuisance. Even as a voice actor, I still can’t stand commercials. Most of the time now, if I can’t avoid the commercial, I try to focus on the actor’s delivery, hence I feel I’m doing something. Akin to research. I’m not exactly sure what a Turnover is, and maybe some people would like a treat like that. But, I don’t like many sweets, and put it in that category.

     No practice again. For anyone. The Calvins’ singer is still in Greece. He gets back tonight. We’re playing our drummer’s 50^th birthday party on Sunday, at the drummer’s house, and we haven’t been in the same room as each other in over a month! We scheduled a practice for Saturday afternoon, just to shake some of the dust off. That’s probably a good thing. I was proud of us for having the balls to play it, even if we didn’t practice. They were willing to play it without rehearsal! Over a month! I was proud of them. I say “them,” because I stay ready. Singing, and drumming, are hard to practice on your own. I have to practice, or my callouses will heal, and that’s not good. Playing at 100 miles per hour, with your bare skin, on metal strings, can be a painful thing to “get used to.” On the Eruption side of things, Wagz sent a message out last week that his son’s football games are Thursdays, and wants to change practice days until the end of football season! Wow!? Furthermore, we have a gig! We just got asked to play a show in the beginning of October. Asked by a band that we hooked up 2 years ago! They’re finally reciprocating! I guess I can take them off the “list.” Much to my surprise, all of my bandmates said “yes.” I couldn’t believe it, that’s like a miracle. I had already booked all of our rehearsal times. I have to do it about 6 weeks out, to make sure we can get a room. I was also surprised that we all made ourselves very flexible with a new schedule. I was able to secure our new spots without much trouble, and now we’re all set to get ready for October 4^th! I’m stoked! This is almost exactly what I was hoping for, and they all said “yes!” It feels like we might be turning some kind of corner. It may seem pathetic to still want to be in a band at 52, but I like it.

     On the home front, things are a little weird. My wife was fired last Friday. We knew there was something going on. She had already been demoted, and they were asking her to fill out these really strange medical forms, which we questioned the legality of. Even her doctor wouldn’t fill it out! It was bizarre. And, they kept pushing this seemingly imaginary deadline to have it done. When she tried to go to the doctor, she found out her doctor wasn’t even in the system anymore, so she had to find a new doctor. There were a ton of extenuating circumstances, that I don’t really feel like going into right now, since she is home, and looking right at me as I type this. I keep smiling, as if nothing is going on, but she has to know I’d tell you, but I think she’s wondering “how much.” I just grinned again. Nothing to see here. Maybe I’ve said too much already. Let’s just say we are turning a new page of our own. So, like a lot of times, at least in my life, my bands, and my marriage, are starting new chapters at about the very same time. It’s freaky! I may have to get a job! She took this week as a “restructuring period,” which I get. We all need downtime. And, I do think it is important to have breaks between jobs. So, this week was a mini-vacation, a mini-staycay! We’re letting ourselves switch modes, reset, regroup, and rev-up for the major life changes about to occur. It’s a little scary, but we’ve been through this before, and lived. Even thrived, for a little bit. Things have to change, and change is scary. Well, I think uncertainty is the actual scary part. We make “changing” part of our life, so it’s not that menacing. However, anyone who’s ever tried to change anything, knows it comes with its own set of challenges. And, most of those challenges are there because of our old behaviors, and our resistance to making the new way, the way.

Still No Practice

      Happy Poet’s Day! It’s also Burger Day, Fentanyl Prevention Day, Spumoni Day, and Brazilian Blowout Day. Well, that’s a lot, and I’ve got a lot to get to, so let’s jump right in. Burger Day!? I just had an amazing burger on Monday, so I’ll count it. Homemade Patty Melts, with pepperoncini and grilled onions on Rye. It was one of the most delicious things I ever made. But do people really need reminded about burgers? Is there someone who would hear this and say: “Wow, it has been a while since I had a burger.”? I think you either eat them, or you don’t. I don’t think anyone is like: What’s that? Much like I am about the Brazilian Blowout. I think it’s a hair thing, but I don’t know. And, I care too much about my search history to look it up. If you feel like cluing me in, that’s fine. I am curious, just not curious enough. That could probably use an awareness day. Fentanyl prevention is obvious of huge concern. I often find myself wondering whether or not people know that they’re taking it. It’s one thing to know it’s bad, it’s another thing to know if you’re taking it. I know there are test kits, and I suppose if you’re going to use certain types of drugs, awareness is pivotal. People living with these types of people, should probably also be aware, so they can help if necessary. It’s a sad situation when people die trying to get “high.” Spumoni!? That’s a word I don’t hear very often. It may need a day. I remember enjoying it, but I’ve only ever had it probably twice in my life. This doesn’t make me want any, but I can see how, a curious person, may wish to know what it is, on a day such as this. Especially if you like sweet frozen desserts. I’ve had a gallon of ice cream in my freezer for 2 months! I’m not sure Spumoni counts as “ice cream,” but that’s how much I care about sweet frozen treats.

     I wouldn’t normally do this to you, but, since it’s Poet’s Day: I care too much to be silent, I dare not make a sound, when what you say, can make you pay, you must know who you’re around. It’s not so much the volume, nor the images it makes you see, but the closely held context, that’s meant to keep our speech free. If truth is made subjective, as if it has multiple sides, how can we discern what’s what, with the ebbing and flowing of tides? There, I kept it brief. As mentioned, I have a lot to get through. And, since we’re already this far into paragraph 2, I might as well start with today. No practice. Again! Wagz, the guitar player for the Eruption, broke his Xiphoid Process! I’ll let you look it up if you want, to save me a few words. The really weird thing is, that 5 years ago, when JoZ was having practice, we actually wrote a song about the Xiphoid Process. We do everything on the fly, so we didn’t really “write” it, as much as perform it. Back then, he said his was swollen, and mine was too. Mine still is. His too probably. But we joked about it, and then made a song about it, and 5 years later, he broke his! I played them the song while we were camping. New style camping, with Bluetooth speakers and cell phones. It was the rage! Does that count as coincidence? More on camping later. However, I received an invitation from Tom Griesgraber to see a new documentary, up in Encinitas. He plays the Chapman Stick. Look it up, it’s awesome! We saw him at the Fair a few years ago, and have pseudo-followed him since. He’s done the soundtrack for a new documentary called Prairie Prophecy, it’s premiering tonight, and we get to go! He’s playing a solo set before the film. We are excited! If I can’t play, I’m glad to experience something musical, and cultural.

     Now, camping: I don’t know where to start. I thought this could make a mini-series, but I’ve got one paragraph. It almost seemed hexed, but we had a great time. We were the first to arrive at the campsite. That was a first. Some people rent trailers, and have them dropped off ahead of time. When we got there, 1 trailer was already there. That was problem 1. There should have been 2 trailers. 1 guy had a map showing how we wanted them staged, and the other guy wouldn’t hear it, and left, with the trailer, so our drummer, and his family, had no place to stay. 1 of the usual families was taking their child to college, and couldn’t make it. Wagz, and his family, wouldn’t be there until Saturday morning, because of High School Football. And, another one of the family’s RV broke down halfway there, and couldn’t make it. So, night one there were only 4 families, and by “families,” I mean couples. All of our children have “aged out.” We are only close with one of those other couples. However, that kind of changed, because we got to spend some time together. It was a totally different vibe than usual. Some may say boring, but others of us, I think, felt more calm and connected. It was nice! Spending time with people we usually don’t. Friday, a few more people showed up. It still felt smaller, but was getting more familiar. By Saturday, we were almost up to full status. It felt more like years past, chaotic, but reassuring. No music got played, except through the Bluetooth. I found that odd, but we were working on cylinders, and not everyone was well. Then, to top it off, our drummer E, brought his daughter’s friend’s. They were sweet, theater kids, if that means anything to you. At night, near the fire, the only dog that was “allowed” to come, bit one of the little girls. The littlest of the girls. No blood, just a snap, but still! People were freaking out. Rightly so! I can’t imagine having to face the child’s parents. I want to call and see what happened, but don’t want to stir the pot.

Vacation Eve

      Happy Prosecco Day! It’s also Calligraphy Day, Lefthanders Day, Filet Mignon Day, and Ekka People’s Day. Good, it shouldn’t take too long to get past those. I will concede that last week, my wife asked, on her way home, if I “needed” anything. I told her it was IPA Day, and would like one. I think it was called Cosmic Mind Haze, I can’t remember. But it was the best IPA I’ve ever had. She picked a winner, and I hope to recognize it again in the future. Today’s are kind of lame. I don’t like Prosecco, it’s like drinking battery acid to me. I like Calligraphy. I’ve taken several classes, and used to enjoy it, but haven’t touched my pens in a long time. I heard they aren’t even teaching cursive anymore! Calligraphy probably has it even worse. Maybe it does need a day. Lefthanders? We already know they exist. I don’t think anyone’s like: “Why’s that guy using the wrong hand?” (Said in accent of your choice) (Mine was hillbilly) Filet Mignon Day! I wish I had known when I went shopping on Monday! And, since my wife is working from home today, I won’t be getting any special deliveries. Although, the pork chop we’re having for dinner looks like it could be related to a filet! I smoked it at my parent’s house on Sunday. I know it might seem weird, and Word won’t let me forget, that 2 people having a pork chop, doesn’t sound right. But, this is a massive pork chop! We are sharing it. I wrote correctly. I can’t wait! I had no idea what Ekka People’s Day was. I looked it up. Apparently, Ekka is a region in Australia, and they have a huge festival today. I looked no further. You can look it up if you so desire. The fact that something I never heard of, made their Top 5, leads me more towards the feeling that the site I look at for these things, may not be based right here in America. And, I’m fine with that.

     Yep, I went to my parent’s house on Sunday. This was a busy weekend. Friday was the peak of our heat spell. The news said to “make sure you check on your seniors.” They always recommend that. It hit me as kind of funny, so I texted my parents, that I was “checking in with my seniors.” They’re fine. But then, my mom said she’d like to have us over for dinner some Sunday, when we’re free. I wrote back: Is this Sunday too soon? She said it wasn’t, that it was perfect! So, I thought up a menu really quick, let her know, and she loved it. I was glad that we were invited. I usually invite ourselves over. We only stayed for a few hours. It was nice. Time to catch up, play with their dog, and smoke some pork chops! They were delicious! Which is why I’m so excited to get to have it again tonight. Saturday was crazy! Having our show cancelled helped we relax a little. There was a show at the Tower Bar that I wanted to go to at 3, and we were supposed to play the Bancroft at 6. So, I was going to try to see the 2 bands I wanted to see at the Tower, and then hurry over to the Bancroft, for our show at 6. However, since our show wasn’t happening, it took the urgency out of my day. Ah! I was also happy because one of my favorite local bands, Grahzny, got added to the Tower show! I feel like the stars aligned for me! We still wanted to get to the Bancroft around the same time, so we could represent, and support that show also. It was the weirdest thing: About half of the people at the Tower, which was decent, left at the same time as us, to go to the same place as us! When we got to the Bancroft, it was the same crowd that was with us at the Tower! It’s nice to be part of a community.

     Now we’re at today! A Wednesday. One day earlier than usual. Maybe that’s why the Official Days were so strange. That’s also why my wife is home today, she works from home on Wednesdays. Why a day early? Because, it is time for our annual camping trip! We leave tomorrow for San Clemente. I’ve been prepping all week. It’s finally tomorrow, I can’t wait! I’ve been making Pea Soup this afternoon. My house smells awesome! Let’s hope it actually makes it to the camp! We’re doing Souplantation theme again. Three years in a row! I guess that’s what we do now. For years, we never repeated. Although, it did seem like we picked “Mexican” a lot. Maybe people got tired of it. Which is also weird, because only 4 of the 50 of us are Mexican. Funny side note: My phone just alerted that it’s camping tomorrow! As I’m writing about it! Little things like that keep me going! Alright, I’m back. Last year, we broke a little part of our tent. One of 4 “hinges.” We were able to jimmy rig it with some duct tape, but I wanted to “fix” it before our trip this year. True to my fashion, I waited until the last minute. I was able to fix it. It was not easy. Way out of my pay grade, and the pay grade of the tools at my disposal. But, miraculously, it is fixed! I’ve pickled eggs, I have my whiskey portioned out, it’s on! Tomorrow, roll out of bed when we want, pack the car, and hit the road! She probably needs it more than I do. But, it’s always fun. Kids are all getting older. A bunch of them had kids at the same time, and now they’re all going off to college. We started this when they were like 5! It’s unbelievable to see how they’ve all grown up. Stella Mae used to babysit them, now they can legally drink! It’s weird! So, I did this today, to keep from having to cram it all in tomorrow, when I’m officially on vacation!

You Never Know What's Looming

      Happy Cycle To Work Day! It’s also Lighthouse Day, Handloom Day, Raspberries n’ Cream Day, and, my favorite: IPA, or India Pale Ale Day. I accidentally left the news on as I started, and they mentioned it’s also Purple Heart Day. I didn’t see that on the site I usually look at. I went and checked, I had to click on a few things, but it’s on there. It’s strange to me that it wouldn’t make the list of “headliners.” It’s odd to think that people who’ve received the Purple Heart, for being wounded in battle, wouldn’t rank as high as say, I don’t know, a handloom! Maybe if you’re in another part of the world, the handloom is all the rage. It may even be a godsend to have one. But here? I don’t know. Here’s a weird thing though: Last night/early this morning, I was having trouble sleeping. I’m still a little sick, and my throat was killing me. It was very hard to swallow, and with the post-nasal drip, I was not having fun. Only sleeping in short bursts. But, I kept having this recurring “dream” of the word “Loom” or “Loomis.” I wasn’t sure what it meant, or why it was sticking out so much. For some reason, I kept having this feeling it had to do with dentistry. When I woke up, I couldn’t stop thinking about it. So, after I finished my morning routine, I looked it up, to see if it could show some deeper meaning. It did not. I figured it was just some weird “dream” type thing, that had no meaning. But, I ended up looking at a whole bunch of “Looms” in the process. It meant nothing to me, until a few minutes ago, when I looked up the day of the year, before I began this, and lo and behold, what do I see? I see another picture of a loom, staring right back at me. Freaky! I got the chills. Weird shit!

     I’m not going to start making my own textiles, or anything, I just got a blast of curious energy. I’m sorry if you don’t have moments like that. I find them amazing. And, here we are, once again, starting the second paragraph, and I’m still trying to wrap up the first! Oh well, I had to tell you about the loom story, that was too freaky, especially on an item that I would have had nothing to say about, in pretty much any other situation. Cycle To Work Day seems to be trying to be something, more than it actually is. I don’t know where you are, but here, in San Diego, a lot of places are getting rid of parking, to make room for all of these cyclists, that are supposedly going to be taking to the streets. It’s been years now, people are fed up, and you know what one of the biggest concerns is? None of us are seeing more cyclists! They’re building these massive bike lanes, making parking nearly impossible, and none of us are seeing these cyclists. Spooky! Maybe it’s for the Future! (Imagine “Future” said in a spooky, echoey voice) I’m sure we’d all be healthier, but we’d have to live awfully close to where we work. And, side note, I don’t see them adding any extra “Bike Parking.” Where are all of these cyclists going to put their ride? Will that be in the future too!? I say this as a long-time cyclist. I am not anti-cyclist. I love riding. I’m just not sure there’s going to be a mass amount of people choosing that as their primary mode of transportation, any time soon. Who knows with gas prices!? No, I’m not going there. I’m already running out of room, and I haven’t even gotten to IPAs yet. I do like some, but not all, IPAs. It actually took me a while to realize that it is supposed to taste that way. I don’t like them enough to have one today, but it’s nice for people who might be curious.

     Now I’m not sure how to cram in all the stuff I was going to tell you today. 1) It’s hot! I wasn’t going to include that, but it deserves mention. 2) No practice again this week. I cancelled Eruption tonight because, as mentioned earlier, I’m still not 100%. Plus, I was supposed to have a gig this weekend with the Calvins. I wanted to save what’s left of my voice for the show. I am, after all, a semi-professional! However, Tuesday, right after I had my early “dinner,” I got a text from the Calvin’s singer, his girlfriend’s sister was just found dead in the tub. Not only was he cancelling practice, but he cancelled the gig as well. I was stunned. We hadn’t practiced in a month, so this show was going to be iffy anyway. He’s very close with his girlfriend, so I get it. She must be a wreck! I feel bad that I don’t even know the deceased’s name. I met her once, a few years ago. She came to one of our shows down in Chula Vista. I remember her being kind of cute, but not much else. I had trouble believing they were sisters. Gina, the singer’s girlfriend, used to live with her sister, and nanny for her nephew. Now, that nephew is motherless. I think she was barely 30! What a shame. They said she “fell asleep” in the tub. I haven’t gotten much information. I don’t need much information. I am a naturally curious person, so, I have questions, but I’m sure they’ll get answered in time. When I found out, Tuesday, the girl’s father hadn’t even been told yet. Fucked up! The girls used to live together, but had some kind of falling out about a year ago. Now, I’m remembering a conversation had at band practice about a month ago, where we were told that the sister was not doing good. Wasting away. You never know how serious it is when people are talking about things you don’t really know about. So, now I’m thinking about death again. Yay!