Remembering An Old Friend

      Here we are, the last day of August, the precipice of September. Things are not slowing down. I thought they would. At least for a little bit. But they are not. Tonight, a bunch of us are going to the car show in La Mesa. It’s the last one of the season. It’s kind of cool. There’s a band we all kind of like called The Farmers. They used to be The Beat Farmers back in the 80’s, but now, due to line-up changes, they’re just The Farmers. A friend of ours died 7 years ago. A lot of us have not seen each other since his passing, which is why someone decided to organize this event. It’ll be good to see everyone again. I’m not actually sure how many people will be there who I don’t see on a regular basis. It’s kind of a weird thing because a lot of us met each other due to this person. His name was Joe, he owned a bar in La Mesa called Joe n’ Andy’s. A lot of us started hanging out there when we were 21. I’ll let you do the math. Pretty much every single person I know, I know because of Joe. A lot of the people I’m talking about went to school together. There are 2 main high schools in La Mesa, and pretty much both laid claim to the bar. Luckily people put away their childish high school drama, so there weren’t any “rivalry” issues. Joe was so nice, and really good at personal relations. He would introduce people to each other, and generally cared about people. Everyone loved him. Some of us spent most of our adult life in and out of that bar. When he passed, I was a little concerned that I would no longer have a “friend group,” because he was the kingpin of the whole thing. The fact that we all still get together is priceless to me. It was because of that guy, and that bar, and those people, that my life has gone in the direction that it has.

     I first heard about the bar because my friend’s band was playing there. I had never even heard of La Mesa. I fell in love instantly. It was such a small town, with cobblestone crosswalks, and old brick buildings, it looked like something out of a painting. My friend Will and I used to hang out at this bar in a different part of San Diego, and when that place sold, we picked Joe n’ Andy’s for our new hang out. We used to get together every Tuesday. And it seemed like perfect timing, because we had just found this place, as our other place was closing, it was cosmic. We started to get to know people, Joe introduced us to a lot of people. Our band started playing there regularly. Then when it came time for me to buy a house, I logically decided to move to this town I had fallen in love with. Will followed. We started making a lot of friends. But, sometimes in the bar-scene, it’s difficult to know who your “friends” are, verses people who just hang out where you hang out. As we all got older it became more clear. Some people got their lives together and stopped hanging out as much. But we’d still see each other at Fight Nights and other such events. So, the bonds were still there. And I realize now that I’m writing this, and I’ve had this thought before, that I probably wouldn’t have made all of those connections without Will. I am not that outgoing. He was, and probably still is, I don’t know because it’s been 20 years since we’ve spoken. He moved across the country, and we just kind of lost contact. I got lucky because I met my wife a month after Will moved. Now she’s my outgoing person, so the relationships kept being built. Both bands I’m in, and every friend I have, is because I went to see a show in La Mesa. And tonight, we celebrate being friends.

     Wow, I wasn’t expecting to get into it that much, but hey, sometimes it happens. Then on Saturday we’re having brunch with one of Susan’s cousins. I don’t know if I ever told you my wife’s name before, it’s Susan. Her cousin’s name is Anthony. We get together a couple of times a year. He’s quite a bit younger than us, but he’s a nice guy. But now there’s all this pressure about where to go. We just saw him a month ago. Oh well, it’ll be fine. Then on Sunday it’s the Calvin’s drummer’s birthday. It’s at his house, with a pool, so it should be fun. I hope it’s not too crazy. Then Labor Day with my parents. Sheesh! That doesn’t sound like a slow down to me! The following weekend is our anniversary, so we’ll go out of town for that, which is kind of like downtime, but not really. You don’t generally go out of town to sit around and do nothing. Then we’ll finally have an open calendar for a weekend. The weekend after that the Eruption has a show. The weekend after that we’re going camping. Which again, sounds like downtime but it really isn’t. Well, it kind of is, but not comfortable downtime. I don’t even know what the hell I’m complaining about right now. I sit around in comfort almost all day long during the week. I’ve got more downtime than a corpse. Writing that all out, then realizing what I was saying, and how I was saying it snapped me out of it. It’s not that I want to avoid people all together. But sometimes I feel like we don’t have to plan something for every weekend. I mean, we are just coming out of a very strange part of our life. Her father’s passing took a toll on everyone. From the planning, to the event, to her sister’s extended stay, there has been a lot going on, and I’m not sure she’s had time to process it all yet.