Regrouping

     I can't remember how much I got into last time, and I'm not really a huge fan of reading what I wrote last week. I'm not trying to write a long ongoing narrative, I'm just trying to get my thoughts on page at least once a week. And, as happens sometimes, the same things will be in my mind from one week to the next. At this point it is hard not to think about the same thing because it is ongoing. I am right now typing in what is my office, yet I'm surrounded by teddy bears, earrings, clothing, an air mattress, and all of the other items that go along with having a prolonged house guest. It is our daughter, I love her, and am glad to help. But I had to make special time to get in here, as she is using this room now. She is completely agreeable. I could come in whenever I want to, but I want to make sure she has some sense of privacy. A little place of her own, no matter how crowded it may be. She would have much more room at her grandmother's house, but she wants to be with us. Which I find terribly heart warming. She's had a couple of years of personal growth, and now she's choosing to regroup with her original group. I think that's important. Especially since, when her personal growth began, it was in a whirlwind of tears and false realizations. Things have been better for the past few years. Before we bought our house, we asked her what intentions she had, because if she wanted to stay with us, we would have bought a house more accommodating for the three of us. But she said she wanted to be with her grandmother, or “others,” so we bought the house we have for the two of us.

     She had been living with her boyfriend down in Chula Vista for a while. Then they got a really nice granny flat on Mt Helix. I thought they had it made. It seemed like everything was going their way. She was less than 10 minutes from work, it seemed awesome. Then for reasons still unsure, her boyfriend decided he wanted to move back home with his parents in Del Mar. In case you don't know, that's kind of far. Chula Vista was far too, which is why I thought moving close to work was so much better for them. I guess her boyfriend had to start going into the office again, which is in North County, close to Del Mar. And he claimed he wanted to save money, so he can buy a house in a few years. I think you can still save money paying rent. So he convinced her to move to his parent's house with him. We thought it was a terrible idea. Back under the thumb after nearly 2 years of independence!? Not many of us would want to make that choice. Plus it put her in the situation where she'd be driving 25 miles each way, 6 days a week. He only has to go into the office 2 or 3 times a week. It seems like driving that much once in a while far outweighs driving that much almost everyday. But, alas, we were not really privy to the fact that they were moving until they had already given final notice. There was no time to talk some sense into them. They are 22 and 23, so I guess they felt it was their decision to make, and I know you have to let them make them. But we were not in agreement.

     It didn't even take 2 full weeks for our greatest apprehension to be realized. She fell asleep driving home and crashed the car! Luckily she was okay, and didn't damage anything else. But no one wants that call at 6 in the morning. A few months ago, her car was dying, so I encouraged her to buy another vehicle. But then, the boyfriend's parents gave them one of their spare cars, and she felt there was no need to purchase one. That is the car she destroyed. She had not told us that living in their house was a nightmare. No personal space. Dietary restrictions. A whole slew of other bizarre stipulations. This accident amplified the uneasiness. After a week, she was handed a notice that they expected her to pay $18K in 3 days, or 12% interest per day would be applied. That's when she finally came clean about her living situation. She did not know what to do. She did not want to live there anymore. Who could blame her? We went up and rescued her, and that's how she has come to be with us again. Plus, I don't need a car that often, so we kind of have an extra one. Sometimes I wonder what choice would be made if Grandma had an extra car. But, this is the amount of help we can offer right now. It's weird, but nice. We were a unit for so long, it's kind of natural. When we told the boyfriend's parents we couldn't pay, they said they'd sue. Then without further prompting, they offered a payment plan. I thought that was weird, because originally they said “no.” We offered to pay the deductible, but they said “no.” I wonder if they'll change their mind about that too. So I guess we just sit and wait to see what happens.