Missed another one. I couldn't type again last week. I can not believe that this wrist thing is still hanging on. We're coming up on two months at this point. That's a long time to be in pain. It's odd how something as small as a wrist can throw your whole world into a spin. It's making everything more complicated. I feel like I'm becoming a left handed person. Not that there's anything wrong with that. It's just weird to have to change so late in life. Plus, left handed people still have the use of their right hand, it's just not their dominant one. This kind of sucks. I have a hard time feeling sorry for myself, because I look around and see so many other people with their own struggles, and realize that in the big scheme of things, it's not that bad. I see people with missing limbs, carrying on their merry way. I see people on TV overcoming all kinds of obstacles. I don't feel I should have any right to complain. If these people can do it, so can I! Although, I do feel that, like most things, this too shall pass. Comparing myself to an amputee is a bit on the extreme side. Especially considering the fact that I do feel that I will eventually be better. It's still a burden, it's still effecting my life, and it still sucks. But, this seems to be a pattern of mine, when I have an ailment, I automatically start thinking about what it would be like if this is how I am now. Sometimes it seems a little fatalist, but in some way, I think it helps me put things in perspective. Life will still carry on in a meaningful way, even if it's permanent.
It feels kind of ironic that this is happening right now. I've had a bunch of gigs, and just played through the pain. I'm really enjoying the comedy class I'm taking, but I feel like I can't really be myself because I don't have full range of motion. I never realized how much I used my hands to express myself until it hurt to use one. It's kind of making me second guess everything. I have a huge showcase coming up in a couple of weeks, which I'm really excited about, but I'm still nervous about looking odd. (Odder than usual.) My comedy class went out last night to see some local comedians. It was pretty fun. I like the way that they're trying to make us part of the community. But I had to shake so many hands! I didn't know what to do. I don't think I noticeably winced, but I certainly winced on the inside. Part of me wanted to just go in for the hug and claim to be a hugger. But that's not really me. I thought about doing knuckles, but the handshake is so automatic that it's hard to prevent the natural reaction. As I mentioned, I really like taking the class. I really like having material to work on. I really like the writing process. Sometimes it makes me feel like I'd rather be talking about other things. More important things. I feel that coming up with quick laughs isn't really what I'd want to be known for. But I like the process. At this point I don't think I could get my mind to stop thinking of bits if I wanted to. It's a good feeling to have. Having people evaluate my work is a very helpful part of the process.
Easter was a bit of a curiosity. With no children around Easter has a whole different feel. My mother-in-law bought every possible type of pastel M&Ms. Not a single jelly bean! I thought I was in the Twilight Zone. One kind of candy!? Nonsense. I don't even eat that much candy, so I don't really care. But Easter is the time I usually get jelly beans. I should've bought my own. How was I supposed to know that some people don't get jelly beans unless there are children around? We mowed the hell out of the potato chips and onion dip, but I bet she's still sitting on bags of M&Ms. Ridiculous. Also, there was no Ham! Once again, I guess I never realized that Ham was so important. But then again, I never thought I'd be eating Easter dinner without it. Turkey for Thanksgiving, Ham for Easter. I thought that was just the way it was. Dinner was still good. I'm not necessarily complaining about the food. We had some nice flat iron steaks. I could have eaten a whole plate of the roasted veggies. But it still didn't quite feel like Easter. My wife and I had given up potatoes for Lent. So we had not had any type of potato product in 40 days. It wasn't that tough. Potato chips was the hardest part. It was good to get them back. I don't eat that many, but it was definitely missed. The other part of the Twilight Zone faction was no mashed potatoes! My wife had been looking forward to mashed potatoes for 40 days! She was promised they would be at the end of the journey. But there weren't. Disappointment. Instead, last minute, the mother-in-law's boyfriend thought it would be better if we had baked potatoes. He got the largest potatoes I had ever seen! They were delicious, but there's no comparison for a good mashed.
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