A Month Behind!

      Wow, three weeks behind, and only three weeks left to catch up. I guess I’m going to have to be doubling up. I’m not sure exactly how this is going to work, but I’ll try to make it seamless. I’ve done two things I never do: 1) I made a list to make sure I stay on top of where I should be, and 2) I looked over the last post, so I knew what I said. My note to myself said the missing post was from “Veteran’s Week.” Then, when I logged on, I noticed/remembered that I did post on Veterans Day, so I don’t have to go through that again. Although, that was to have been from the 6^th, so technically, I am a month behind. Exactly a month. That doesn’t change what I have to do, it just changes the perspective. Obviously, it has been tough to squeeze this in. Adapting to a new job, along with the holidays, and a fleeting relationship, doesn’t really leave much time to stop and think for a bit. I think a lot in the car, while I’m driving, but thinking at the keyboard has obviously gone to the wayside. Which is the type of thinking I’m typing about here. The kind I share with you. This may get a little messy, but I hope to make it easy to follow. Obviously, after all this time, there is a lot to get to. But, there is also a lot going on in my head right now, so I’ll try not to trail off so much, but some things need said/written, and some are just to keep myself straight, and put context to what has been going on. For example: Yesterday was my mother’s birthday. We are going out to celebrate our combined birthdays. Mine was on the 3^rd. I’m excited, we’re going to Kaiserhoff’s, in OB. We’ve never been there. It should be fun. Waiting until I got to the appropriate posting day would be lame in this instance.

     When I say that “we” are going to Kaiserhoff’s tonight, I’m talking about my nuclear family. Nuclear being the family I was born into. I made the reservations for 5, but, after this week, I uninvited my “wife.” As usual, I’m not sure how much I should get into, but, also as usual, it is what’s on my mind, and can’t “skip” over it. Things are not going good. Last night “we” were supposed to go pick out our cups for the chili cook-off tomorrow, but I cancelled that too. I feel bad, because I really wanted to go. It’s the SONO Chili Cook-Off, and it’s a big deal. I’ve been wanting to go for a while. I also feel bad because some new friends of ours actually bought our tickets, weeks ago. They wanted to go with us so bad that they took the initiative! But I just can’t do it. When I looked back at my last post, I was reminded how long this “rough patch” has been affecting me. It hasn’t been good. And it seems like a really long time since I last wrote you. I do, however, feel that I can’t do this anymore. How many last chances? Jesus said to turn the other cheek, but I’m running out of cheeks! The last straw had to have been my birthday. All I wanted was her to be sober and present, but she wasn’t. I don’t expect presents, I wanted her presence, but I did not get it. For some reason, she feels that not working means she can just get wasted all day. I don’t agree, and I have said as much, many times. I let her know that I’m about done, and that if she can’t make an effort to stop this behavior, I have to go. But she doesn't seem to care. She just keeps saying one thing, and doing another. Sneaking around, completely unaware that she’s not fooling anyone. It’s really sad. And I can’t take it.

     So, I think this is the demise of my second marriage. I hate being a statistic. I can’t force her to get help. I can’t force her to be honest. I can’t force her to be the person I know she can be, and is, deep down. But, I can’t be walked on, lied to, and disrespected.  When I asked her about getting help, she made a comment about considering NA. NA! I thought this was an AA problem, not an NA problem. I don’t even know what I’m dealing with here now. All I know is that twice now, in the past month, she’s been practically comatose for two days straight. She claims that she’s just “smoking weed.” But, I haven’t noticed our supply shrinking, and I haven’t seen her doing it. I don’t know if you ever smoked, but I do, a little before bed, and I have smoked a lot. I’ve been around people who smoke a lot! But, I’ve never known of a situation where you smoke weed at 10am on a Tuesday, and you can’t function again until Thursday. It doesn't make sense. I know she’s lying. I threw all of our glassware out. Now she can’t “smoke a bowl.” I don’t know what else to do. I want her to be my wife, I love her, and I thought we’d be spending the rest of our lives together. But, when I made that decision, it was with a person who could finish a sentence. I would never have gone on a second date with who she’s become. It’s so frustrating, that I feel I’ve gotten past anger at this point. I’m tired of fighting, and being disappointed. I’m tired of looking straight into the face of someone lying to me. Acting as if I can’t tell. Turning everything on to me, and never being willing to exam the issue. On Wednesday, my birthday, after she sobered up from Tuesday with her sister, she swore it was over, she realized what she was throwing away, and wanted to make changes. I came home on Thursday to a zombie. It’s not fair, it’s not right, and I can’t take it anymore. Sorry so sad.

Certainly Uncertain

      Happy Veterans Day! It’s also Singles Day, Sundae Day, Education Day, Metal Day, and Origami Day. I’m still having trouble figuring out when, and how, to fit this into my busy life. Practice got cancelled tonight, so I have some extra time. Although I probably should be practicing anyway. Plus, I’m having trouble getting into the mood today. I tried having an adult discussion with my wife, and she turned it into a fight, and stormed out of the room. Ruined my night, then told me to have a “nice evening.” It would have been fine if I came home to a sober person, but since I didn’t, things went poorly. Imagine that. I wonder if anyone else has had the experience where things don’t go well with a person who would rather be “messed up.” Sorry, I’m hoping the sarcasm came through. It’s not fun, and I don’t know that we’re going to make it. I know I can’t keep going this way. I honestly feel that she cares more about altering her behavior than she does anything else. I’ve been trying to look on the “Brightside” for a while now. It feels like a long while, and I’m not sure how many “last chances” should be given. It feels like she’s not taking me seriously. And I’m bummed. We’ve been together a long time. I love her, but I’m not a fan of her “altered behavior.” She’s not the same person. I would have never suggested getting married if this was going on before. It’s bizarre to me that it would happen now that we were doing well. We’ve been partiers for a long time, but now I need it to stop. Weekends are fine, but even that is starting to not be so fun. I feel we should be sober the majority of the time, and she does not. And, I know that sober, we would be better together, but she’s not interested. I know I can’t force her, so it leaves me feeling I only have 1 choice.

     Sorry to lay that on you. But, it is what I was thinking about, and that’s kind of how this goes. And, I imagine at this point, you can see why I’m having trouble not thinking about it. However, I will try, because I don’t really want to air dirty laundry online. I’ve probably already said more than I should. But, I had to get it out, and hope I didn’t bum you out too much. I hope you haven’t had to go through this. I know people who have had to, and it doesn’t ever sound fun. Especially because I know if she would just take it seriously, we’d be fine. But she won’t. And it sucks. I don’t want to get rid of my best friend, but I hardly recognize her. I guess I’ll leave it at that. It is weird that this happened on Singles Day. Obviously, this has been coming for a while, but I got a kick out of it being Singles Day, when I’m really dreading the idea of it. I don’t want to be single. I like being a couple. I suppose a lot of people do. I know we’re all “supposed” to be fine alone, but single people sure complain about it a lot. I spend a lot of time alone, and I do feel “fine” with it. However, sharing a life is special. I feel we’re supposed to “couple up.” Enjoying the company of another person is like holding a mirror up to yourself. I’m not sure we can know ourselves without being seen through the lens of another individual. And, here I go again. This is the dilemma, I don’t want to be away, I love her, I just don’t want to be around a wastoid. I’m sure I’m not the only one who’s ever sat around wondering why someone can’t just stop. It’s confusing. I guess I’ll leave it at that. Nothing’s going to be solved by sitting here typing. It’s not making me feel any better like it usually does. It’s making me more sad.

     Metal Day! Are you kidding me?! I’m not a fan of all kinds of metal, but I do appreciate some. It seems like it would be a good thing to bring to people’s attention. There are probably people who never gave it a chance. I say try some, you may like it. Origami Day?! It’s cool. I remember learning a couple of basic ones when I was a kid at school in Japan. I thought it was fun. Some of it is very ornate. I’m always impressed when someone can bust one out. Education Day!? That should be every day! If you’re not learning, you’re losing. Sundae Day!? It feels like we just had that. Like we need an excuse to have a sundae. I made one the other day with a piece of pumpkin pie, and some caramel sauce. It was awesome. It was on Sunday, which I thought was clever in and of itself. Veterans Day did not make the list I normally look at. I wonder if it was too obvious? How could you not include the big one!? It seemed odd, but I’m over it. It was kind of weird too, because some kids were off yesterday, and some were off today. I’m not sure what that’s all about. I was not thanked today. Usually someone will thank you for your service, but not today. Today was a little chaotic. We took a bunch of people from work to Julian for some pie. 1) We were not organized. I’m not sure who was supposed to “know” what was going on, but it was not apparent. We ended up staying way too long, and messing up our evening transportation schedules. Not good. 2) A lot of people also went to Julian today. It was packed! There were lines for everything! Parking was a nightmare. If they suggest it next year, I think I’ll make a different suggestion. Apparently, no one knew what we were in for. Yikes! I never got a lunch! Also, really quick: Today was a “friendiversary” with some one we met on 11/11/11, and this was the first year since, that none of us contacted each other. Weird!

Connecting The Connections

      Happy Zero Tasking Day! It’s also Look For Circles Day, Deviled Egg Day, Orphan Sunday, and Ohio Day. Ohio Day!? Give me a break, I’m not touching that one. Looking for circles!? I’m not dealing with that one either. Now it just seems like they’re making shit up. Orphan Sunday! I can get behind that one. When we have it so good, it can be tough to remember that there are people who wish they had families to be with. I feel for them. That’s one of the things I’m proudest of, is being in the life of the person I call Daughter. I always knew I didn’t want children, and thought that if that ever changed, I would want to take care of someone who already existed, as opposed to bringing another person in. And, I’ve done that. I know she isn’t an orphan, but she was someone with only one parent, and I stepped in to help, and it has made my life immeasurably better for it. Every time I see people on TV complaining about their fertility woes, and how much money they’ve wasted trying to conceive “naturally,” I wonder why they don’t adopt. There are people on this planet who need others, and it seems like people are selfishly trying to bring other people in, instead of helping the ones who are already here. I feel if you want to be a parent, it shouldn’t really matter if it’s biologically “your” child. I happen to think the love can be deeper when it’s a love you chose. It’s easy to love a biological child, there’s an almost automatic feeling of love for your own progeny. But, loving someone just because you do, is, or at least can be, more impactful. There isn’t a “reason” for it. It just is. Plus, loving someone “just because,” creates a dynamic that keeps you from seeing the individual as a mini-you, or a mini-your partner. You don’t see your shortfalls, you only see them for who they are, not some amalgamation of genes and behaviors you don’t quite understand.

     Wow, that took a turn. Obviously, I feel strongly about it. I also have to make a mention of Deviled Egg Day. This was a weird one. I have some pickled eggs in the fridge. They probably should have been eaten already, but there are still a few left. This morning, at breakfast, I said to my wife that I thought I’d make some deviled eggs with the pickled eggs this afternoon. Then, when I was getting ready to write this, and saw it was National Deviled Egg Day I almost had a conniption! Those are the little jolts of energy that keep me going! It may sound silly, but when things like that happen, I really do feel like there has been a divine interjection. I don’t normally write on Sunday, but I’ve got to get these in somehow. And, the randomness that I happen to be doing this today, after having been prepared to make deviled eggs, and then find out it’s deviled egg day, is more than my brain is willing to conceive as random! Even if I’m reading into it, it still makes me feel good to feel this way. The thought that the divine energy could be interacting with me keeps me motivated. And, I don’t care to stop feeling that way. And, I am happy to say, that the more I feel this way, the more it continues to happen. And that is also more than my brain can conceive as random. I honestly feel that people keep themselves from feeling this way often. Talk ourselves out of the idea that when we feel this divine intervention, it’s true! I say why not own it!? Even if it’s something as silly as National Deviled Egg Day! It fills me with joy, and has me looking forward to the next little thing that makes me feel this way. Do yourself a favor, the next time you have the feeling that something that happens makes you feel like the Universe is listening to you, claim it! You may not be wrong!

     Like, for example, our next little trip: Zero Tasking Day! I also feel strongly about it. And, the fact that it came up today, on a day when I normally don’t do any tasks, gives me the chills. I don’t really consider this a task, although it kind of is. 2 out of the 5 directly relate to my life, on a day I shouldn’t probably even have been doing this! Outrageous! I take the idea of a day of rest very seriously. I figured, since I was just going to be sitting around watching football anyway, there’d be no harm in getting this done while the game is on. It’s only slightly more involved than just sitting here. Although, it is half time now, and I don’t even have any idea what the score is. It is surprisingly not distracting me. Whereas, when it’s a show with a plot, and dialogue, I can get easily distracted. I’m a little bummed that I’m not really interacting with my wife while I do this. But, it’s only for an hour, and she’s here with me, so it’s kind of like we’re spending time together, just quietly. Working a regular job has us trying to figure out all kinds of different ways to get the things done that need done, in a new way. Keeping a day of rest, when you only have 2 spare days, makes it a little tougher. Before, I was able to get all kinds of things done during the week. That is more complicated now. But, I love it. I’m having fun, and getting paid, to help people. Kind of like what I was writing in the beginning, I’m taking care of people who need taken care of. I’m getting to use all of my skill sets to help people have a better life! You can’t beat that! I feel useful! And, most of all, like I was mentioning a little bit earlier, I feel connected! I literally feel like my life is being tailored for me. I wish we could all feel that way.

Going Someplace You've Never Been, And Calling It Something It Isn't

      Happy Animation Day! It’s also Chucks-N-Pearls Day, Wild Foods Day, Plush Animal Lover’s Day, and Immigrants Day. Immigrants Day!? I’m surprised Trump didn’t have that cancelled. Being as that almost every single one of us came from immigrants, it should be more highly celebrated. We are a nation of immigrants, why not?! When “our” ancestors landed on Plymouth Rock, we were not “legal” immigrants. But, to this day, I’ve noticed a lot of people seem to forget that. I’ve almost gotten into some online arguments, because people don’t like to “remember” that. They always seem to forget about the first of us. They get up-in-arms about everything, until you point out the truth. Then, it’s as if they have nothing to say. Or, they want to bring up stuff that really doesn’t matter, and has nothing to do with the fact that we also came here “illegally.” Just because our ancestors thought they had a “God-given right” to overtake the world, doesn’t make it true. When our ancestors got here, there were already people here. That is true. Now, to keep people from coming, or to demonize those who came, doesn’t seem to suit us. I understand we want to control overcrowding, and I understand that there are different processes in place now, but none of that takes away from the fact that we immigrated here! And, it seems that we should be a little more empathetic. I also recognize that, for a while there, it did seem like an open-door policy, and since the tide has changed, less people are making the journey. So, it would lead one to naturally wonder, how desperate could they be, if the journey is no longer worth it? Their living conditions have improved? Or, they were just looking for a free spot in the promised land, like some would have us believe? I have often wondered what it would take for those people to revolt against their own government. If they want a better life, fight for it! Change your situation! Make your home more tolerable!

     Running away never seems to be the answer. Although, the example set forth by our ancestors, is that it is. They left Europe to come here. To make a fresh start. Now it seems that some would wish people to stop doing that. We’ve left to make a fresh start, but now, you shouldn’t come. I equate it to Nuclear Bombs. Now that we have them, and have used them, and know how awful they are, we wish no one else to have them. We want to be the only kid on the block with the power. And, surprise, surprise, that doesn’t sit well with the others! It’s all mind-spinningly complicated. We no longer want the “tired, huddled, masses.” Good luck getting Johnny What’s-his-name to be happy farming. Is it possible to be a farming “influencer?” Can he farm “remotely?” I don’t see a lot of young people wishing to do things that need done. Are the big companies going to finally pay people what they’re worth? As long as “labor” is still just another line-item on an expense report, “labor” will always be another cost to be avoided. Whoa! Did we get off track! Immigrants are not just “labor,” but it seems like that’s the selling point. We imported our “labor” for years. Then, when that became “illegal,” we started outsourcing jobs. Coincidence!? If we were all millionaires, we’d just have to do the bidding for the billionaires. Aires, and aires, and aires, until none of it makes any difference anymore. Okay, sheesh, that’s enough already. Who knew that would set me off? Especially on Plush Animal Lover’s Day! Are you effing kidding me? Now the adults who still love their plush animals get to have a day to be proud of their delay? My mother has a collection of plush Christmas animals that would fill a studio apartment! I don’t think she’s celebrating today. I’m not sure if it’s a plush animal thing, or a Christmas thing. Either way, I can’t believe they need a special day.

     Third paragraph, and I haven’t even gotten started yet! Sorry, I had no idea the “you-know-what” was going to get me all “you-know-what.” Especially on Animation Day! I’m going to skip Wild Foods Day. I know it’s becoming trendy, and people seem to have a fondness for it. Maybe it does need a day! People should be aware that some people are foraging, and preparing wild foods, and it’s supposedly a lot better for us. But, I live near a desert, and don’t want to think about what wild foods it would reveal. I’m also going to skip Chuck-N-Pearls Day. I didn’t even know what it was. I had to look it up. To save you the trouble, it has to do with what it sounds like: wearing pearls, and Chuck Taylors. Supposedly it has to do with a new style of dress, half casual, half upscale, allegedly made popular by Kamala Harris. I knew people doing that thirty years ago, that’s not new, and was not spearheaded by any current politician, I can assure you that. Just because it wasn’t on social media until recently doesn’t mean it didn’t happen. There were things happening before the internet! It’s not new, just because you never heard of it before. Kind of like what we were talking about before, just because we didn’t know this land was here, doesn’t mean it wasn’t habited. Gotta love the tie-ins! Wow, that was a lot to say about the things I was skipping. Now, I barely have time for my favorite one, and, it looks like my life-update will have to wait for my next post. You can always contact me if you’re concerned. Animation Day! My, my, my! What would the world be like without animation!? Boring. If I had to guess. I have been a fan of animation since I was a kid. And, apparently, with the popularity of the MCU, I am not alone. Even though, I never read comic books. I was more into cartoons, and still am. Animation has made me who I am, and what I think about.

Corners Were Meant To Be Blind

      Happy Global Cat Day! It’s also Dictionary Day, Boss’ Day, Feral Cat Day, and World Spine Day. Although, just like last week, my laptop at home, and at work, told me it’s World Bread Day, which did not make the list on my usual site. Hmm. Cats, feral or not, are pretty popular. I’m not sure they need a day. I’m sure cat lovers everywhere are relishing in the merriments, if they’re aware this day exists. Most of the cat people I know, don’t need a special day to celebrate their cat. They do so already. Often! Boss’ Day!? Some sycophant probably came up with that one. If you have a job, you probably have a boss, and you’re probably aware they exist. If you work for yourself, you are the boss, you may not know about this day, and may not get any presents. However, I think there is something to say about a boss: Good ones are as hard to find as good help is. And, that should be understood. Also, to some degree, I guess we should be at least a little grateful, for those people willing to keep us employed. I don’t know that they need a present, but I suppose it’s worth mentioning that they are a major part of our lives. World Spine Day! I find it interesting because I happen to be having a bit of a back problem right now. It was the weirdest thing, I haven’t had a problem in several years, then, all of a sudden, I woke up Monday morning, my first day! And my back is stiff. I was bummed. Walking around like Frankenstein! Way to make a first impression. I spent most of the time sitting, but that didn’t make it feel any better. I’m a little better today. Hopefully I’ve been hiding it. Nothing like showing up, feeling, and perhaps looking, like an old guy. Spine health is something we should all probably be better acquainted with. We’ve been hearing “lift with your legs” for years. But do we?

     Bread Day?! Obviously, we all know what bread is. But, not everyone has some. Bread is so commonplace now, that I think for a lot of us, it’s hard to realize the steps it took our ancestors to come up with it. If you think about it for any real amount of time, it’s practically a miracle that we figured it out. Grow this stuff, grind it up, add some water, and salt, once you know what that is, figure out how to make a fire hot enough to cook it, and voila! Amazing! Then, it took until my grandparents were children for it to be sliced! Now it seems cliché, but there really was a time when nothing was better than sliced bread! Think about that for a second… Now stop thinking about it! You can’t, right? Anyway: Bread has become such a staple for so many of our meals, it deserves a day. We did that! And, once, for “Lent,” we gave up bread for over 40 days. It really made us aware of how much bread we consume. We had to have conversations about “What counts as bread?” Bagels? English Muffins? Tortillas? It became very eye-opening. Now there’s all this fuss about gluten. I know if you have celiacs, it is a problem, and needs to be avoided. But, most people going gluten free don’t have celiacs, and it feels as though they’re just doing it as a trendy thing. And, the big corporations, are right there for them, giving them the “gluten free” stuff they so desperately need. It’s no coincidence to me that “gluten,” and “glutton,” are spelled so closely. I see “gluten free” written on packages of things that don’t even include flour! That’s the definition of trendy. I saw a package of sunflower seeds that stated: Gluten Free. People are sopping it up because they feel that they’re “on trend,” and sticking to it. Good for them! Suckers. Totally unaware that they’re feeding into the corporate machine, and keeping themselves from enjoying one of our miracles.

     The show on Sunday was awesome! We killed it! It was this guy Mark’s birthday. He’s in a band called Kitty Plague. They’re kind of funny. They have a song about R2D2, if that gives you any insight. The first time I heard them, I didn’t get it. But this time, I saw the comedy of it, and had a much better time. Anyway: We were second, they were third, there were 6 bands. Our friends Dying Species were playing too, we were excited. We found out they were playing last, and got a little bummed, but we had to see them. The guitar player flew in from Texas for the show! And boy, were his arms tired! Sorry about that. Anyway: My point: the place was packed while we played! I felt bad for the other bands. Susan and I got a couple of cool points for staying, as we do, but most people bailed! I felt bad. People even came up to me later, and stated that they thought it seemed like everyone came to see the Calvins! It felt that way. It was noticeable. Everyone seemed to have fun, but it went from about 60 to about 20 as soon as we were done. Now, I’m aware that from an outside perspective, it could seem like we chased them away, but it didn’t feel that way, and a lot of people mentioned that they didn’t think that’s what happened. We were stoked! I’m not sure how much that had to do with my back issue this week. We had a bit of a crazy weekend. We got almost no rest the whole weekend. I tried to take it easy Sunday, knowing Monday was my first day of my new job! But, perhaps the weekend caught up to me. I don’t know. All I do know is that I’m very happy with my new job. I’m doing a lot of training, and still adjusting to how to get all of the things I’m used to/like doing, but the challenge is accepted! My wife is still looking, but we know good things are around the corner.

Job Search Over!

      Happy Handbag Day! It’s also Angel Food Cake Day, Cake Decorating Day, Hug A Drummer Day, and Homeless Day. Also, like has happened before, my laptop says it’s Mental Health Day, but it didn’t make it on the top 5 of the site I use. I find that odd. As much as people talk about mental health these days, I imagine it would be on the top of all the lists. It seems like a good one. Mental health seems to be something we should all be focusing on. Not only our own, but the fact that other people are dealing with shit that the rest of us can’t imagine. And, everyone goes through their own shit in different ways. Hence, since we don’t know what anyone else is going through, it would be a good reminder that people may be about to snap, and kindness, or at least a little empathy, could be the difference between people making it home safely today or not. It’s kind of sad that thoughts like that pop up. But it is an unfortunate truth. Some people may not even know that what they’re going through is a mental health situation. So often, we’re told, especially if you’re in my age group, to tough it out. Or sometimes we even tell ourselves that. And, asking for help, especially involving our feelings, or emotions, is not a skill we were taught. Hence the need for a reminder, check yourself, check on others, and be mindful that many of us are on the verge of crisis, and sometimes it only takes a friendly word, smile, or kind gesture, to lighten someone’s being. I, for one, think it should have placed much higher than Handbag Day! I’m not even getting into that. I think it’s ridiculous. The two cake ones are lame too. I just sent my drummers a message “air hugging” them. They need it. Which brings us to Homeless Day. What a bummer. I know some of them choose it, but not all of them. It sucks.

     That’s as far as I’m going to take that one. We’re all aware of it. Lots of people seem to have ideas about what to do about it, and yet it still continues to be an issue. Something has to happen, but I’ll give my thoughts on a different day. Today, I’ve got too much to say. Starting with: I Got A Job!!! I start Monday! I am so excited! That’s part of the reason I’m doing this today, as opposed to yesterday, because I was at a job interview! I can’t believe it! Sorry, there are probably going to be a lot of exclamation points in this paragraph, and I mean every one! This whole thing has felt divinely guided. I’ve been filling out 5 or 6 applications a day for weeks now. And, I have to tell you, most of them I was just doing for GP. (General Purposes) I assumed you knew, but wasn’t sure, and I know what assuming does to both of us, so, sorry if I over-explained. I made sure to apply only to jobs that I thought I could actually do, and be willing to do. But, for the most part, “willing to do,” was the emphasis. It’s been years since I had a “job,” so I knew that was a hurdle. And, most of the ads I read were not really what I wanted, but, as stated earlier, I was “willing.” Then, I found the ad that worked! Something about the way they wrote it spoke to me directly. I somehow knew, right when I read it, I knew! I clicked “apply” feeling I had found the right combination of things I’d “like” to do. Suddenly, it made all the narrowing down I had been doing make sense. I couldn’t tell you 90% of the jobs I applied for, but I couldn’t stop thinking about this one. Then, the next day, my phone rang, from a number I did not know. I answered, and it was them! I guess Her, would be more correct. I was shocked!

     I cannot describe the feeling I got when I heard her voice. As mentioned earlier, I knew! The feeling I had was right! She wanted me to come in for an interview the next day. I was beside myself. In 50 tries, I hadn’t been contacted at all, then all of a sudden, I knew! We hit it off instantly. I looked up the company online, and everything I read kept strengthening the feeling. I got there yesterday, and as soon as I walked in the door, I knew! I think she did too. She runs a daycare for adults with disabilities, and needs someone to transport the “clients” to, and from, the campus. She actually liked my resume! I was nervous about it, because I thought it may have looked amateur. The fact that the CEO read it and thought: “I should meet this person,” blows my mind! I knew! My interview went great! It was exactly what I wanted, without even knowing that’s what I wanted. All of my skill sets are going to get to be used. It’s like I was made for this. I felt by the end, that she knew too. She kept catching herself, saying “when you start,” and then rephrasing it to “If we decided to go with you,” with a little smile, as if she already knew. It was the best interview I ever had. I’m going to get to help people have a great day, I’m going to help run the transportation department! And, when I’m not working on that, I’ll get to teach the “clients” how to cook, how to play music, help them learn art and gardening, a perfect fit! I wouldn’t have even known to look for a job like this if the ad they posted hadn’t said what it said. It feels truly divine! Now I feel like I’ve found my forever job. I’m stoked! On the other front: the show last Saturday was awesome! We had a bunch of people show up, the bands were all good, and it wasn’t too hot. I told my “smiling” story from last week, and the crowd ate it up! We did Octoberfest on Sunday, it was fun, and we did all that we wanted to.

Smiling About No Need To Fight

      Happy Boyfriend Day! It’s also No Sugar Day, Techies Day, Smile Day, and Mean Girls Day. Not to mention, the beginning of La Mesa Octoberfest! Although we’ll be busy, and only able to attend on Sunday. When we lived in downtown La Mesa, this was the pinnacle of the year! Now that we don’t live there, it’s not as big a deal. Especially since we’re so much more, uh, mature now. Now, I loathe partying with rookies. Plus, when everyone is so much younger than us, it makes it less fun. When we were that age, it was the rage. Now, it’s a cacophony of stupidity. People often bring up this stupid debate about it not being “authentic.” And to that, I say: Who Cares! I don’t know why people care so much about “authentic” German food and beer. If you like that stuff, that’s fine. But I can’t believe they like it so much that they’re willing to stand in line for it, with a bunch of idiots pretending to be something they’re not. I say: Posers! And I refuse to go. La Mesa is a whole village thing, and we get to see the people we used to be in community with. It’s like a family, or school, reunion of sorts. And we don’t have to be there on the crowded nights to have that experience. Let all the randos have their fun, standing in line for hours to get into the Beer Garden, to stand in line for an over-priced beer, to be shoulder-to-shoulder with a bunch of people they would never normally be shoulder-to-shoulder with. I like walking around the booths. I like seeing all the creative things, and food that I don’t normally get. I don’t care about “authentic” German anything. Our first Octoberfest away, we got a hotel room. It wasn’t necessary. The next one, we spent a day. This one, we’ll spend an afternoon. It’s just not the same when you don’t live there, and when you’re, uh, more mature.

     Wow! That was a lot. Sorry about that. Especially since, about halfway through, I thought I remembered telling you all of that before. But, as you know, I try not to use the “edit” button. And, being aware that if you’re not from East County, the feud is probably pointless. Actually, it’s pointless regardless of where you live. But we have some friends that make a big deal about it every year, and so every year I’m like: What the Fuck! I equate it to re-watching scary movies. The other night we re-watched the original Halloween movie. I’ve seen it 100 times, and every single time, I’m like: Don’t leave the knife near Michael! I can’t help it. Maybe as I continue to become more mature, it won’t bother me so much. But, as for now, it still does. Especially because, even though they’re our “friends,” it’s the most pretentious people we know making the stink. Ridiculous. People even have to fight over which Octoberfest is best!? Can’t we give fighting a rest? Isn’t that more fitting for the occasion!? Especially on this Smile Day!? Smile Day! Who knew. I think that’s important. People forget to smile! Yesterday, I was at the DMV renewing my license. I had to go in to take my eye test. I passed! While I was waiting for them to call my number, I found a seat, with two empties near me. A minute or so later, an elderly Asian couple came to take them. The man was going to sit next to me, but first, he gave me this look as to see if it was “okay.” I gave him a little smile, and a nod, letting him know he was welcome to it. His face lit up! It made me so happy that I made someone smile. But then, I thought about what it “meant.” I’m a large, bald, white guy, in the East County. He was checking to make sure I was “friendly.” It made me sad that people in our community have to do that to feel “safe.”

     My goodness, here I am starting the third paragraph, and I haven’t even begun yet! My trip to the DMV is why this was delayed a day. Now I have to scroll to the top to remember what “Day” it is. Boyfriend Day! Are you kidding me!? Techies Day!? Who doesn’t appreciate their IT guy? These days, getting our tech to work is as important as our baristas! Well, not to me, I don’t drink that stuff, but I thought it sounded funny. Mean Girls Day!? Again, are you kidding me!? When I first read it, I thought: How on earth would we want to honor Mean Girls. Then I thought: Maybe it’s about awareness they exist, and look out. But no, it’s about the movie/play. I’m a fan of Tina Fey, and Lindsay Lohan, but come on, we need to nationally recognize it!? What are we doing here!? I may be done with this experiment. And then I get to No Sugar Day. I don’t add sugar to anything. Almost all of my sugar comes from alcohol, or fruit. I am always shocked when I watch cooking shows, or read recipes, how much sugar they put in everything. It’s sickening. Literally, and figuratively! And, I love how they love to put on the packaging: No Added Sugar. There’s probably already so much sugar in it, they don’t need to add any more! It’s like they’re trying to help you make a better decision. Yeah right! (Imagine said like Zach from RATM on “Freedom.”) Wow, I’m getting riled up, and it’s Smile Day! Go figure. Now we’re on the precipice of another full weekend, with another on the horizon. Still no job yet. For either of us. But we have to stay social. Realizing how expensive it is to be social. However, it’s worth it. We’re going to see our friends new band tonight, at our other friend’s new venue. Hoping some of them come to see our show tomorrow, at our other friend’s venue. Trying to make and keep a scene takes effort. And, I’m starting to feel, and I hope I’m wrong but, it seems like scheduling a show on Octoberfest weekend, is a bad idea. May the naysayers like “authentic” rock!