Not Willing To Think About The Bad News

      Sometimes I feel like just numbering these, but then I think: How creative is that? Almost every time at this point, I’m afraid, or have concern, that I’m going to use a title I’ve already used. Sometimes I go back and check to see if it’s a title I already used. At some point, that will be a ridiculous task. There looks like there’s a way to check, but every time I try, it doesn’t seem to work the way I think it should. So, I scroll. I suppose the date could be enough. That won’t get repeated. But, then again, how creative is that? The titles almost never remind me of what they’re about anyway. Sometimes, scrolling through, I’m like: what the hell was that about? As soon as I start reading, I am reminded. It reminds me of the little notes I leave myself when I’m working on something. At the time I write the note, I feel it’s as clear as day. Then, months later, when I get back to it, I can’t for the life of me remember what the note was supposed to have meant. Being aware of this has made me a little bit better at note leaving. Maybe that’s why I’m thinking about this now. I hate to write a gripey “woe is me” post. I feel I often write about my concerns, but I don’t like to feel that I’m complaining. However, this is about Thoughts On Life, and sometimes life isn’t rainbows and unicorns. Much to some people’s chagrin. This is the first I’ve been able to type all week. I don’t know if you remember, but a couple of years ago I had some strange problem with my hand. Well, it happened again. I started kind of feeling it on Sunday, and by Monday, I needed my left hand to raise my right. It hasn’t gotten as swollen as it did the first time, to which I am grateful. But it still hurts.

     I am much more optimistic today than I have been all week. The Calvins were supposed to practice yesterday, but I had to cancel. I just couldn’t. Especially because of the rest I have to tell you. First things first: We won Fantasy Football! This was our sixth year, and it finally happened! Sorry, I couldn’t remember if I told you that. We went down on Sunday and picked up our ring and money. People seemed genuinely excited for us. The Saturday before that, we went to the San Diego Brewing Company to scope it out. That’s where the Eruption are playing next week, and I wanted to see what the layout was like, so I could start getting an idea about how we are going to set up. It was kind of packed. San Diego State basketball was on, and one of the last regular season NFL games. People seemed much more interested in the basketball game. Anyway, it was crowded and loud, and I didn’t feel much like trying to find out “who was in charge,” so we just had lunch and checked it out. It seems like it’ll be cool. I still don’t have any of the information I went there to get, but at least I know what it looks like, and where the potential “staging areas” could be. The beer and the food were good, if people show up, they will have a good time. It’s the day before my wife’s birthday, and I asked her before I accepted, she said it was okay. Her response seemed genuine. But now, I’m kind of thinking of billing it as her party, hoping more people will show up that way. Is that wrong? I asked her if she minded me doing so, and she said: “Go right ahead.” I figured she’d be cool with it. But now, we don’t have anything really planned for her actual birthday, and I’m not sure how that’ll go. It’s on a Sunday, and that’s sometimes a hard sell. Especially if you’ve just had all the people out on a Saturday night.

     We’ll see what happens. I’m sure we’ll think of something. My main concern right now is I have practice tonight, for a gig next week, and I’m not sure I’m going to be able to play! I think I can, at least a little. But, today is the first I’ve been able to use my hand with any type of confidence. I didn’t want to cancel, because we haven’t played in over a month, and I’m still not sure if the drummer will be willing to practice next week! We all hope he will. It’s almost impossible to think he thinks we could pull two sets off with only having played half the songs nearly 2 months ago! But is that any more ridiculous than thinking we can pull off two sets when I couldn’t use my hand a day ago!? I think we can. Tonight might be a little rough. I will admit that. But I do feel like I’ll be better by next week. But I have a Hustlers show on the 17^th! I quit that band, but told them if they needed me for the shows I already agreed to, I would play them. They confirmed that I’m needed! They may want to practice on Sunday! I’m not sure if I’m willing to do that. I know my parts, and don’t really want to see the guitar player more than I have to. So, I may have practice on Sunday, Tuesday, Thursday, a gig Friday, two sets on Saturday, and I’m sitting here only being able to use my hand today, unsure if I’ll be able to play tonight! I think by now you must be able to see where my nervousness is coming from. It just feels so unfortunate. Why now?! And I think to myself, it’s probably my fault. On the cruise, and over the holidays, I got off my treatment routine. 3 weeks of not doing what I’ve been doing for 2 years, and now this. Good news: the treatment was working. I’m not willing to think about the bad news.