Missing Traditions

      Last post of the year! I survived another Christmas! Not that my life is so daring that there was any question, but still, these days, I’m feeling we should be glad we survive any day. We were coming home Christmas Eve, from Susan’s mom’s house, and all of a sudden, up ahead on the freeway, we saw a CHP going back and forth across all lanes, stopping traffic. We were about halfway home. Next thing we knew, we were all stopped on the freeway. Then an ambulance came cutting through traffic. Then another police car. Then a tow truck. I was trying to make light of the situation, and calm my nerves, knowing there was nothing I could do. I commented that it was a good thing we didn’t leave a few minutes sooner, or we might have been caught up in all the action. It made us feel a little better. We were stopped for a good 15 or 20 minutes, then all of a sudden traffic started flowing again. Here’s the weird part: We never saw any accident. We never saw any remnants of a traffic accident. It was as if nothing had happened, they just stopped us for a bit, then let us go. We were a little shocked. It was either the fastest clean up of all time, or some other weird thing happened. Either way, for a moment there, we were happy to be stuck in traffic, instead of an accident. And, unfortunately, that’s where I’m at a lot these days. Not so much traffic, but grateful I got to my destination. So many “bad” things happen to people every day, and it feels a little silly to be glad that it wasn’t us today, but it wasn’t! You have to take your wins where you can get them, and if it boosts my gratefulness, just because I didn’t die on my way to where I was going, then I am thankful! Not everyone gets to say that today. It’s both sad and uplifting to think about. Maybe it’s not silly, not everyone makes it home.

     And there’s your weekly dose of Daughn the Downer! If that doesn't make sense, look up “Debbie Downer” from SNL, it was pretty funny. Sometimes I make jokes about it, and other times, unfortunately, I catch myself sounding like it. Although, I will say, in my defense, at the end of that last paragraph, I felt uplifted. Anything we can do to boost our gratefulness is good! Anything we can do to increase the beacon of thankfulness that emanates from our bodies, is a “good” thing. Like George Bailey, I’m glad to be alive! If that doesn’t make sense look up “It’s A Wonderful Life.” I know it’s old, but it still gets me every time! I didn’t realize that my wife had never seen it, so we watched it this year. I needed tissues. It’s funny how rewatching things as an adult changes the meaning of them, even though you know the movie hasn’t changed. We also rewatched the original Willy Wonka. It had been a while for me. So many more things made sense! I forgot it was a musical. I don’t know how, I guess I blocked that. We had fun. That was kind of our Christmas. We didn’t decorate this year. Not even for Halloween. Having no decorations makes you kind of forget that it’s all happening. It’s nice driving around and seeing other people’s efforts, but when there are no visual reminders in your own home, you can easily forget. I suppose we won’t “forget” next year. I’m grateful to know that we don’t do it out of “habit.” It’s one thing if you really love it, but I do think some people only do it because they’re “supposed” to. Taking a year off, I think we did miss the decorations. And, now we know. And, knowing is half the battle. If that doesn’t make sense, look up old “G.I. Joe” cartoons. Wow, I’m getting all kinds of nostalgic today. But, I guess that is part of the season: reflection.

     Having Christmas in the middle of the week is a little weird too. I’m sure the stores were crowded, but for people with “regular” jobs, did anything really get done Monday and Tuesday? What about today and tomorrow? I know I have trouble remembering what day it is. I almost put this off, but then I thought: What difference does it make if I sit around and do nothing for an hour tomorrow or today? Tomorrow my wife might get off early, that was the ultimate decider. Plus, there is a strong chance I’ll feel like doing something tomorrow, so today it is. Even though we didn’t decorate, now that the holiday is “over” the remnants are everywhere. It kind of looks like a bomb went off in here. I wasn’t feeling it today, but I’m not going to be able to stand looking at it much longer. Christmas was also a little weird in the celebratory category because of tradition. Now, I know I’m not the most traditionalist when it comes to some holidays. However, there are some traditions I have grown to care about. I feel that none of them really happened this year. Susan’s sister from AZ came with her brood. Even the husband came this time! It had been a while. He’s a Jewish guy, so I’m not sure how much they celebrate “Christmas.” Hell, I don’t know how much I celebrate “Christmas,” I’m mostly just celebrating winter and the end of the year. But Christmas Eve was unusual. No snacks. No holiday songs. Corned beef and cabbage, that seemed like it came from a package. Not a cookie! Christmas Dinner was a taco line! Not even good tacos. I don’t know what happened, but it really felt “phoned in” this year. Maybe a lot of us didn’t feel like “decorating.” It seemed like everyone’s biggest kick was when my nephew jumped into my lap to play for a bit. So many pictures of an uncle and his nephew!

The Last Few Updates

      Wow, doubling up on these things seems to be trending! But with only one week left, I think I got it! I’m sure a lot of people write more than 52,000 words a year, but I would bet far more people never even come close to that amount, so I’m taking that as a win! As I’m sure you can tell by reading these, it’s not always easy to fit it into a tight schedule. But I’m making it happen, even if it is just for my own sense of having done it. It takes effort, I have to make time for it, I consider that an accomplishment. Especially recently! I’ve had so much going on, it would have been easy to just let it go, but I didn’t, I stuck to it, that makes me happy. I can’t get a full 52 one year, and do less the next! I doubt I’ll do more, but I’m definitely not doing less. Last night, while I was trying to fall asleep, I kept having this feeling that I said too much about the cruise. I kept having this feeling that I should not have said so much about my parents, and aired their laundry. This is something that I keep going through, and am not sure what the “fix” is. I know I’ve expressed this sentiment before, but I’m still not sure how to reconcile it. I didn’t say anything untrue. I didn’t say anything to be mean. But still, as I was drifting off, I kept thinking that I shouldn’t have said all that I did. I had this feeling that maybe they would not have been too happy about it. Of course, no one is usually happy with their “ugly truth” being exposed. See, even after having typed that, I don’t know that I did expose an “ugly truth.” So, I have this dilemma. I’m allowed to express my feelings about things that I go through. I refuse to edit, because that’s not what this is about. However, I still battle with: How much truth is too much truth?

     Oh well, go for it, and see what happens. That’s my usual motto. It came to my attention while I was writing about the cruise that a bunch of band stuff had come up, without proper time to get into it. So, here is the update: Oh wait, speaking of updates, I want to finish up about the event we held for Josie. We agreed to close out the GoFundMe on the 16^th. I went and dropped the check off on Wednesday. She is out of the hospital, she is finally able to eat food again, and is in surprisingly good spirits. Not many tougher than her that I’ve met. The GoFundMe along with ticket sales to the show, and the raffle, came out to a grand total of: $10,050! Unbelievable. She had reshared the link just after getting out, and she got almost 2 grand in a week! Sometimes it is remarkable how kind and generous some people can be. I’m glad to have been able to help. I am in awe of stranger’s generosity right now. When we started the GoFundMe, I put the goal at $3,000. I didn’t know what to do, or what to expect. In the end, we raised $8,620! Almost thrice the original goal! I am stunned, and glad to know that I am only a few keystrokes away from so many kind people. It’s humbling to think about. I have the sniffles, and I have to keep getting up to blow my nose. It’s distracting. I’m trying to finish my thoughts before getting up, but sometimes it’s not possible. There are a lot of illnesses going on right now. It’s kind of spooky! I hope Josie stays isolated. I can’t imagine having to fight some of this crap with a new immune system. Sometimes I’m starting to feel that maybe I should go back to “Covid Protocol!” I didn’t get sick the entire lock down, now, every week it seems like there’s something else going around. It’s not fun, and it really is making me a little weary about where I go.

     Okay, now to the band stuff! Which I know you were excited about. Mostly good things. I probably won’t get to the “un-good” things because of what I mentioned earlier. Plus, time constraints. The Friday before we left on the cruise, the Calvins played the Tower Bar. It was cool. We played with a band called Gentroside, which I really like. The “Headliner” was alright. Some kind of rockabilly band from LA that didn’t bring anyone. For the first band there were about 10 people. We were looking at each other like: “Oh shit.” But then, for us, it went up to like 30. Then down to about 5 for the “Headliner.” It really felt like people came to see us. It felt good. The place was packed, and we didn’t even know who they were! That’s nice. The day we got back from the cruise, the Hustlers had a gig. When we left for the cruise, we were supposed to open, i.e. 8. However, while I was gone, we got bumped to last. Kind of a bummer, but oh well. Our phones didn’t really work on the ship while at sea, so I was kind of out of communication. Not that it would’ve mattered. Except that the Calvins got offered a gig at the Casbah for the 16^th. The Casbah is a big deal. Luckily, I got the messages in Catalina so I could confirm in time. They said there’d be at least 100-200 people. That did not happen. But we got to play the Casbah. Back to the Hustlers: Even though we went last, we still had the majority of people. Most of the people that came to Deano’s that night, came there to see us. It felt good. Monday, it was a “private event,” for someone’s birthday. We do not know them. There were probably 40-50 people. Almost all of which stayed outside, “smoking,” for the first two bands. But then, when we came on, it was like the gates had just opened, and all of a sudden there were people!

Should've Been Friday The 13th

      Man, it feels like forever since I did this. It’s only been two weeks, but still, it feels longer. I had every intention of doing this last Friday, but with lack of sleep, and a gig that night, I decided to rest. We had to be out of our stateroom by 8am. Our luggage wouldn’t be to the pick-up point until around 9:30 am. That’s a lot of down time. We had to wake up early to be out by 8. Plus, as usual, we stayed up way too late. Hence only giving us a few hours of sleep. Luckily, we left LA right in the sweet spot, and were home in 2 hours. I thought I might sleep on the ride home, but that didn’t happen. My sister was driving. We had quite a bit to talk about. Also, I always feel bad sleeping when someone else is driving. Maybe if it was on a really long road trip, but in general, I feel the company does a driver good. We talked about our parents mostly. 55 years of marriage, and they still don’t seem to be able to navigate things together that well. I would think after that much time, people would get “good” at it, but they’re not. It seems like perhaps their coping skills got set some time ago, and they just never updated them. I feel lucky because I don’t have to experience it that much. My sister on the other hand, is immersed in it. She even shared a room with them on the trip! I can’t imagine. My mother wasn’t feeling well the whole time, and barely left their room. It’s kind of sad. I think she wants to do things, but there’s always something holding her back. This time it was her back, sometimes it’s her knees. Regardless, there always seems to be some kind of reason why she can’t participate in life. Unfortunately, I don’t see things getting “better.” Miracle cures are fantasies of the ill, and loved ones.

     The cruise itself was alright. It was a little hectic when we got on board because everyone boarded the ship before we could go to our staterooms. So, thousands of people were just crowding the common areas. It was a zoo! The buffet was open, and they billed it as a “welcome aboard lunch.” It was a nightmare. We finally found a seat, and we finally got some food. But, man, I almost lost my shit several times. Some people seem to have no sense of decency or common respect. I swear, it seemed like some of these people had never left the house before. I cannot comprehend being so clueless. It was as if I was in the Twilight Zone. “Picture a man, stuck in a crowd, with a bunch of people who’ve never been stuck in a crowd.” I’m glad I survived. That was the only time the buffet was that crowded. Thank goodness! We only really went to the buffet for breakfast after that. They had some good food. That’s one of the best parts of taking a cruise, the food! The first day we just kind of wandered around, seeing where everything was. My legs were a little sore after that, so I’m glad we eliminated places we didn’t need to go back to. For example: the children’s area! It seemed like the whole back of the ship was dedicated to children. Waterslides, wave machines, rock climbing wall, basketball courts, an arcade, they had a lot of stuff for the children to do. And it seemed like they were trying to get it all done before we even left port! It was a mad house. Naively, I assumed children would still be in school, and were not going to be as “present.” I was wrong! There were children running everywhere. I’m glad they did have an adult’s only pool area. That was relaxing. We didn’t go swimming, but we did take advantage of their huge whirlpools. I’m glad they didn’t let the children in.

     The entire second day, we just did circles in the ocean. Catalina, our first stop, is only about 45 minutes from LA. We didn’t pull in until Wednesday morning! I guess they have to be at sea to open the stores and casino, so we just floated around for a day and a half. I’m not much of a shopper, or gambler for that matter, so I don’t think I get the thrill that some people do. It was really kind of weird, as we just floated around, that if you don’t want to shop, gamble, or take part in any of their “events,” cruising is just getting drunk all day. Well at least it felt that way to me. We did take a class on making sushi. It was fun, and it came out really good. My mom was scheduled to attend, but I think I already covered that. We had a good group of people with us. It was just a little weird to be eating sushi at 10am! Catalina was a bit of a bust. We scheduled a glass bottom boat tour, but were informed upon arrival that it had been cancelled. So, we just walked around. My sister and wife had never seen it before, so at least they got the experience. It was kind of cold, and didn’t really feel welcoming. At least my sister got off the ship! It felt like part of the whole thing was that we could entertain my dad. Which we did, lovingly. He’s usually stuck with two “home bodies,” so he was glad to have people to do things with. In Ensenada, we went Tequila tasting. Technically Mezcal, which was awesome! We got to make our own lunch, it was like a cooking class, while we drank margaritas, it was so much fun. My wife and I took my dad. We had so much fun. It was nice to see him open up, a lot of times it seems like he’s just a shell waiting for the next time he gets yelled at. It’s kind of a bummer.

Birthday Math

      Today is my mother’s 75^th birthday! Luckily practice got cancelled, so I’m able to have dinner with her tonight. Just to be clear, I would have practiced. She knows that too. We’re going to spend a week with each other next week, so I thought it would be okay to miss the actual day. But now that I don’t have to, it feels good. 75 is kind of a big one. That’s one of the reasons she wanted to take the cruise. It’s weird because my daughter just turned 25, my sister just turned 50, and now my mom turned 75. It’s funny to think that my mom had my sister at the age my daughter is now. My daughter still seems like a little kid to me. Well, not little-little, but certainly not fully adult. I guess none of us ever are, we just get better at faking it. Or maybe not, I’m still not good at faking it. Sometimes I hear my “friends” talking about adult stuff, and I’m like: “Am I in an AARP ad?” I also find it interesting that my daughter just turned 25, and I just turned 52. We’ve always had this kind of cool number thing with us. 2 + 5 = 7. Obviously. But, next year she’ll be 26, and I’ll be 53. 2 + 6 = 8, and 5 + 3 = 8. It’s been that way forever. She turned 3 in ’02, I turned 30 in ’02. 3 + 0 = 3. Okay, that’s as far as I’ll go, I assume you get it, even though I know what that does to both of us. I just think it’s fun. Okay, maybe one more, just in case you tried doing the math. She turned 2 in ’01, I turned 29 in ’01. 2 + 9 = 11, then 1 + 1 = 2. Freaky! In ’29 she’ll be 30, and I’ll be 57. 5 + 7 = 12, then 1 + 2 = 3! I’m amused!

     One of the best parts about amusing yourself is not needing anything for it to happen. You’re rarely bored when you can entertain yourself. Luckily I can, and do, often. This cruise seems a little weird. We’re leaving on Monday and returning on Friday. Just a little week-long getaway. I’m not as excited as everyone else. I’m glad to be included, there’s just something about it that feels weird. My parents and sister are super excited. My dad keeps sending me all these memes about cruising. They are so excited it’s going to be on Royal Caribbean. Apparently, they’ve never been on a RC before. We went over this past weekend for leftovers and cruise talk. We had to sign up for the app. I can’t believe that’s a thing now. We looked at the things to do, and picked out some excursions. This is the third time my sister has taken this cruise! She went with my mom once, with my dad once, and now as a group. I kind of have the feeling that my dad and sister are excited just because there’ll be other people with them. My mom is not all that mobile. I think they’re glad to have people willing to do things. We’re going to Catalina and Ensenada. 2 places I’ve already been. I have to remind myself that my wife hasn’t really gotten to do much. Everything is new for her, and I have to remember to enjoy that part of it. Technically, my wife is the only one who hasn’t been to either of these places. It seems weird to go to Catalina in December, but who cares. I’ll be with my family, making new memories, and that’ll be its own fun. We’re taking a glass bottom boat tour, I’ve never done that before, it should be cool. We’re going tequila tasting in Ensenada, that should be fun! And, on the ship, we’re all taking a class on making sushi! I’m really looking forward to that. I love sushi.

     We get back on Friday morning, then I have a gig that night! So, I hope everything goes smoothly, I don’t like stressing out before a gig. Well, I don’t like stressing out at all, but when you’re an over-thinker, it has a tendency to happen. Speaking of gigs, I never told you about the last Hustler’s gig. It was cool. It happened the day after Josie’s gig, so I was kind of wrapped up in that during that week’s post. The gig went great. There was a little tension in the beginning. For some reason the acoustic guitar player tried to change the way we set up. I wasn’t having it. He got there before me, and had just taken the liberty to do what he wanted. I let them know I was not amused, and it got taken care of before I had to show my ugly side. Yes, I have one of those. I really try not to let people see it. Especially in the beginning of a relationship. The longer it takes to make an appearance, the greater the chance that it never shows up. I wouldn’t say I try to keep it hidden, I just try to keep it at bay, hoping it’s not needed. I am trying to get better. Constantly. And I really do have hope that just by continuing to be “nice-me,” that “ugly-me” stops trying to jump in. For the most part, I think it’s working. That was the first time they even got a glimpse, and it was remedied before it got too far. Thankfully. It showed the respect they have for me, and perhaps some of the naivety of him, and we got through it. I was glad there was no meltdown. We rocked! The place was packed! One of the things that filled me with joy was how many people I saw 2 nights in a row. There were at least 15-20 people who had come out to see me on Friday and Saturday! I couldn’t believe it. It really felt good.

Thankful I'm Not Violent

      It’s my birthday! I’m not sure how often this has happened on my birthday. I could go back and check, but that’s not really my thing. It can’t be too often. I suppose I’ll stick with this theme, at least for now. I’m a little distracted because, just as I sat down to write this, a fire truck and ambulance pulled up for my neighbor. The fire truck was parked right outside my front door, so I couldn’t miss it. I tried to sneak a peek, but was unable to see anything. They just left, it didn’t take very long. I’m going to take that as a “good” sign. I guess they could’ve wrapped him up and got on the road. I don’t know. My curiosity is endless. But, at least they’re gone now, and I can focus. My birthday started out uneventful enough. I woke up early for some reason. I planned on doing a little shopping, and then getting myself some lunch. I usually make lunch, but since it’s my birthday, I thought I’d splurge a little. I got everything I needed to do beforehand done. Then, when I went to go to the store, my car wouldn’t start. Happy birthday! Luckily, I have a charger. It almost started, so I thought maybe just a little charge would do. It did! After about a half an hour, it started right up. I was a little nervous about driving it, but I figured it would have time to charge itself while I was enroute. My parents are taking us on a cruise next week, and when we were looking at the itinerary, it mentioned a “tropical theme” night. Having no tropically themed clothing, I had to go find some. I got lucky at my second stop, whew! They also want to show up wearing Christmas shirts, so I had to find one. I got lucky at my first stop! So, all in all, I had a successful shopping trip, a nice lunch, and now the battery is charging.

     I find it interesting that I keep getting into these “twice in a week” situations. Technically, I would have done this last Friday. I had every intention of doing it, but my wife wanted to “go have lunch.” When she has the day off, she prefers not to have the same food we have all the time. Plus, she likes to have a few daytime bevvies. I get it, she feels “free,” but it takes up time. Also, after I’ve had a large meal, and a few drinks, sitting down and typing sounds like a recipe for a nap. It also feels strange writing these while she’s here. When we’re together, we want to spend time together. Me asking her to be quiet for an hour while I type doesn’t scream “togetherness.” So, I pushed it. I thought it might be cool to do it on my birthday anyway, so here we are. If it were last Friday, I would have told you that Thanksgiving was okay. There was a lot of hype leading into it, but the event itself was, okay. As usual, we all planned on going to my mother-in-law’s house. This year her boyfriend’s mother was supposed to come. For the first time! It did not happen. Some last-minute illness, or whatever, kept her from making the trip. It’s only about 25 minutes. My mother was also a last-minute cancellation. It was kind of strange because neither my dad, nor my sister, seemed to know what was wrong with my mother, just that she said she couldn’t go. So, we were 2 old ladies down. Which was probably better, because it was a little difficult to feel thankful on that particular day. The mother-in-law’s boyfriend was in rare form. He was being a bit of a dick. Lots of people wished he had gone to help his sick mother. I wonder if she had been with us if he would have acted the same way as he did. He was being rude.

     He’s a grumpy old man. He doesn’t have a lot of fans anyway, so this didn’t help. People feel he’s taking advantage of my mother-in-law’s kindness. I don’t want to go into it too much, partially because I had no intention of making this about him, and partially because I’m running out of time. The nicest way to put it, is that he was being a nazi in the kitchen. He and my mother-in-law used to work in a kitchen together, and every once in a while, he likes to act like he’s in charge. The rest of us do not feel that way. My wife was making mashed potatoes, and he literally blocked the cabinet, so she couldn’t use any seasonings. Who does that?! At one point, my mother-in-law went to spend time with her daughter, and said “she’d be back in a few seconds.” He started counting, loudly, as if she were a child. I wanted to knock him down. There wasn’t anything that time-consuming going on. He made everyone uncomfortable and wished he was gone. Except for my dad. For some reason my dad appreciates his company. But, then again, he’s not really privy to the backstory, and goings-on, that keep the rest of us from being fans of his. It probably wouldn’t make much difference anyway, my dad’s not the type to dislike someone. Plus, it seems that old guys just kind of gravitate towards one another. I am not that old yet! The turkey was okay. The mashed potatoes were okay. The “stuffing” was not much to my liking. I made a green bean casserole which came out awesome! The best I ever did. Which almost didn’t get heated up because of “you know who.” My wife made a pumpkin cheesecake for the first time ever, and it came out awesome! That was one of the only times I ever saved room for dessert. I was glad to see my family. I was glad to spend time with my daughter.

Mission Accomplished!

      One week until Thanksgiving! I’m not sure how I’m going to handle this next week, but I’ll cross that bridge when I get there. The show last Friday was a huge success! There were a lot of generous people there. We got $870 from the door, and I heard at some point they stopped charging entry. It was cold and a little rainy, I get it, no one wants to stand outside waiting for people that might not come. So, I’m guessing we had at least 90 people! That’s huge! The booking agent said that was the most lucrative show they’ve had all year! Sorry for all the exclamation points, but it’s exciting! The raffle raised another $836! We couldn’t believe it. Some people just donated, and didn’t even want to join the raffle. Her Go Fund Me is now up to almost $6,000! All combined we raised almost $8,000! I can’t believe it. This was amazing. She went into the hospital yesterday to get the chemo started. She’ll be in the hospital all week, until she gets the bone marrow transplant next Wednesday. The day before Thanksgiving! I hope she’ll feel like eating. I don’t know how these things go. I just know I hope she tolerates the procedure well, and that she’ll have plenty of Thanksgivings to come. It’s hard to think about. She’s so young, and I’ve known her so long, it’s hard to believe this is all really happening. But it is. I can’t understand what her mom must be going through. I’m practically a wreck, and I’m on the outside. Her mom was at the show. She showed up early to help us decorate. She was stunned by what we put together. She claimed to be unsocial, and would never have been able to put it together. She was very grateful. She could not believe how many people were there. Us either. Of course there were also noticeable absences, but I tried not to think about that too much.

     Josie did show up! She looked drained. But she was still smiling. At least it looked like it. She was wearing a mask, so you couldn’t really see, but you could tell. Our daughter was there. They’ve been friends for a long time. For the most part Josie just posted up in the back with her mom, near the raffle baskets. I know she was grateful for everyone being there, but she was exhausted, having just had her ovaries removed the day prior. What a champ! Champion del Mundo! As her father would have said. He wasn’t Mexican, but he used to use that phrase a lot. I can hear him now. Whoa, I choked myself up a little. I’ve got to keep it together. Okay, I’m back. The Calvins did great! It was a good way to kick off the show. Although, it did seem that we were a bit aggressive for some of the people there. But, we’re like a firecracker, so it’s good to start with a bang! At least from what I’ve read. Josie came up front and “moshed” a little. There were a few people out there, taking it easy. I think it’s better that way. No one wants to get hurt at a fundraiser. There was one dude who looked like he was going to take it a little too serious, but he turned out to be a nice guy. He introduced himself to me later, he had seen us before. It was nice to see Josie out there having fun. Later on, I saw her in the back sleeping on her mom’s shoulder, it was touching. As old as our children get, we still tend to see them as “children.” And usually by the time they’re in their 20’s, they’ve stopped sleeping on our shoulders. It was touching. Her mom did not seem to mind. Josie made it until after the 2^nd band, which was a lot longer than the hour she thought she’d be able to stay.

     Something kind of cool happened. Most of the people got there in the beginning. And, the set times were getting pushed back more and more. The turnaround between bands was taking way too long. Maybe we should have just had three bands. I’ll remember that for next time. The Eruption was supposed to start at 11, but we didn’t start until after 11:30! But, getting back to the “cool” thing, people stayed! Not everyone, but quite a few. I was impressed. I really had the feeling the people wanted to see us. Plus, and this really filled me up, there was a late-night rally. Around 10, more people started showing up! I was overjoyed. It really felt like people were coming to see us, I felt so proud. The singer from the Hustlers showed up! She had been at another show, and came to see us! That’s dedication! We played for an hour. I asked the guys if they wanted to shorten it, but they said “no.” I was proud of them. We didn’t finish until about 12:40. A lot of people had left by then. It was a little strange watching the room dissipate while you’re playing. I know it was the time. But, it’s still weird. I was getting a little discouraged. Plus, something started going funky with my mic. It was all I could do to keep it together. I’ve seen the videos, we sounded great, so I have to just focus on the feeling I was having before we started. Before we started, I couldn’t believe how many people were still there, and that’s what I choose to remember. The booking agent had never heard us before. My wife said the lady actually sat down and watched our whole show. Afterwards she came up to me and said she really liked us and wants to book us again! Us specifically! Exactly what I hoped would happen! All around, it was a great event, and we did exactly what we wanted to achieve. That feels good!

Eve Of The Realy Big Show

      This is it, the eve of the big show! I’m excited, and a little bit nervous. I really hope people show up. Everyone keeps saying “people are going to show up.” But sometimes people say they will, and then won’t. It’s a fundraiser, and I hope that’s enough. I wish I had as much feeling that people were looking forward to the show. The Eruption hasn’t had a gig in over a year, I would hope that would bring people out. But we go on last. That seems to bum people out. Everyone we know is old, they don’t want to be out that late. I get it, but you can stay out late once! There are still plenty of 9 o’clock bedtimes in your future. Plus, I want the venue to know that we bring people. Yes, it’s a fundraiser, but it’s also a show, and I want the venue to see that we put on a show that people want to see. Supposedly our friend is about to take ownership of the venue, so we may already have an in. But if that’s just a rumor, this is our in. I don’t think it’s a rumor. It seems like a done deal, people have seen the paperwork. We still won’t play there that often, but it will be nice to have a venue sewn up. I’m hoping people I don’t know that well will show up. I know a lot more people now, and most of them have never heard the Eruption, this could be the chance to show what I really do. It could be an opportunity to get new ears, and hopefully, more gigs. So, like I started with, I’m going through a lot of different emotions. Also, Josie, the person the benefit is for, is having her eggs removed today. She said the doctor gave her the okay to attend tomorrow, I hope she’ll feel up to it. It’s hard not to think about her, when this is all going on to help her, and she keeps getting more upsetting news.

     Not only does she need a bone marrow transplant, but they also have to fry her with chemo before she can get the transplant. And apparently, with the amount of chemo that she’s going to receive, all her eggs would be killed. So, at 29, she had to decide whether she may ever want kids. Because, if she does, the eggs need harvested before the chemo. Ouch! It just so happened that today was the day they could do it. We have no idea how she’ll feel tomorrow, but just can’t help but hope she’s doing okay today. We got to see her last Saturday. It was her birthday. She is in great spirits. It was relieving. I would like to hope I would be the same, but I don’t know man, she’s going through some stuff. I know it doesn't help to get down in the dumps, but this is a lot, and she’s plowing through like a champ. She normally has long curly hair, and now, she’s just barely starting to grow hair back from her last round of chemo. She’s doing it all with a smile. It’s uplifting, and sad at the same time. Like I said earlier, a lot of different emotions. We found out on her birthday that the relationship she’s been in is not stable, and the guy is about to try to move to Oregon! Selling the house they live in, and moving! When she gets out of the hospital, she’s going to be staying with her uncle! Which, is not that bad. He lives in a penthouse, with a maid and a chef. She will be taken care of. She actually seems excited to live with him for a while. She has got the right attitude. After talking to her for a while, it seems she is grateful for the change. I’m telling you, she is a trooper. The GoFundMe is already over $5,000! Plus, we hope to make another $1,000 tomorrow. That should help a little.

     Okay, that’s enough of that. The show last Saturday went well. It wasn’t that well attended, but I thought we played well. Then, when I got to see all the videos taken, it was confirmed. We sounded really good. And we looked cool too. This is the first band I’ve been in where we’re going for a “look.” I think we’ve got it. People were dancing, it was cool. The singer had another gig to go to that night, so she left pretty soon after our set. Pretty much the whole band did, except for Susan and I. We stayed for the rest of the show. The crowd we had was the biggest of the night. I kind of felt bad, because it was pretty empty after we played. I was a little surprised that the other bands didn’t have that much of a draw. But, I think, like the Calvins, they may play too much. When you play all the time, people don’t have to come see you as often. Hopefully everybody is saving it up for tomorrow! One of the bands that night is playing with us tomorrow. I hope their fans show up. The whole point is that we’re playing with friends of ours, we all have friends in common, friends we met through knowing Josie’s dad, and hope they’ll show up to support. Okay, sorry, I said that was enough. The Hustlers also have a show on Saturday, this is a busy weekend. I said I wanted to play more, and I got it! Every band I’m in is playing this weekend! Rock n’ Roll! Hustlers are planning on playing a new song on Saturday! One that we just wrote last night! I like the enthusiasm and willingness to try things. They are motivated! This’ll be fun. Although, the Calvins haven’t practiced in two weeks! For some reason the guitar player decided to take a road trip this week! I think we’ll be fine, sometimes, when you haven’t played in a while, when you get back at it, there’s a bit of ferociousness there. Let’s hope!

Sick Melodrama

      My, my, my, what a wonderful world we live in. Confusing at times, but wonderful, nonetheless. Where should I start? I guess I’ll fill you in on last week, so as not to “leave you hanging.” Friday, I felt a little better, Thursday was definitely the worst of it. I was half tempted to ask if the Hustlers were feeling alright, but I didn’t. Then, the texts started. Being in a band with 6 people, the texts are often and multiple. Plus, every time, they “like,” or “laugh” at something, I get the text again. It’s kind of annoying. I’ve had to turn off the notifications. It’s that bad. But, that’s not really the point here. All of a sudden, it turns out, we’re all sick! Nobody can practice, and we have a show the next day! I was a little miffed at patient zero, but I get it, he may not have known initially. So, practice was cancelled. I was glad. I couldn’t have really sang anyway. I thought it was best for us to rest. I think we were all a little nervous about the show the next day. I know I was. I had 2 bands playing. I was nervous about just being there. I didn’t want to be someone else’s patient zero. I was feeling a lot better. I was able to sleep the night before. I wasn’t sure if I was going to be able to sing, but I took the risk. When we got there, with all of our scratchy voices, it felt like we were creating a super spreader event. Multiple people were not feeling the best. It was a little spooky. The show got pushed back a bit, which kind of sucked for everyone, but there were so many moving parts, I guess you’d kind of have to expect it. We were there for a wedding reception. It would have been lame to start without the guests of honor. The Calvins were 2^nd, and were only half an hour “late,” so all-in-all, we got off to a good start.

     I really wasn’t sure how I was going to be able to sing. It wasn’t too bad. Plus, on the first song, towards the end, we have a screaming part, and luckily enough, it forced the phlegm off my vocal cords, and helped a little. I’m not sure that anyone else noticed that I wasn’t 100%, but I certainly knew. I’ve seen some of the video footage, and it sounded alright, I think were safe. I was a little bummed because a friend of ours was there, that I wasn’t expecting to see. She’s in another band, and we’ve seen her, but she’s never seen us, and it seemed like this would be the first time. I was kind of stoked, because she’s connected, and it would’ve been cool to get her feedback. The whole time we were playing, I was looking for her in the crowd, but never saw her. The venue is pretty big, and the food and stuff were in a different area, so I assume they were back there. Afterwards, I didn’t see her again. I guess they were only staying for a little bit. I assume if they had heard us, she would’ve said something. We only play for 30 minutes! Maybe they had other plans. I’ll go with that. It was also interesting that we incited a fight! I didn’t notice at the time, but apparently in the pit (I know, a pit at a wedding reception!) some dude was getting way too serious. Come to find out he’s related to the bride. He was all dressed up running around, and supposedly tried to throw a punch at someone. That someone did not appreciate it, and evidently punched the guy in the face 5 times in rapid succession. And then that was it, people broke it up. Maybe that’s why people stayed in the other room, I don’t know. I just can’t believe I missed it. Too much time thinking about something I shouldn’t have been.

     Time slowly got away from all of us. The Hustlers were originally going on around 5:30, but we didn’t actually go on until 7:30! Ouch. The place was pretty much vacated by the time we went on. The nice part was: all the people there to see us, were there to see us. We had about 15 or 20 people, so not too bad. We got a very good reaction. People really seemed to like it! Luckily, the amount of vocals I do for them is minimal compared to my other bands, so it went well. I was glad I made it. That made for a long day though. I was there for over 5 hours! Most of it just sitting and waiting, trying not to get too drunk. The other bands were alright, but not “great.” Plus, I felt I needed to isolate myself, to protect my voice and other people. So, I didn’t socialize as much as I probably should have. We did have a good turnout, and people were having fun. I just wasn’t feeling it. I saw one picture online, someone took a photo of me sitting there by myself. I thought that was an odd thing to photograph. But hey, I looked interested! The Hustlers have another gig this Saturday. It should be a little better. Except we cancelled practice this week, because the drummer doesn’t feel good. Oh brother! This is starting to feel like some kind of sick melodrama! I’m sure we’ll be fine. Even as sick as I was, I could still play, I just couldn’t sing. Although, breathing is important, especially for a drummer! He’ll be fine by then. Now, I’m almost out of time. I had thought I was going to get into this whole election thing that just happened. But, now, I’m running out of words. I guess there’s not much to say. What happened, happened. It can’t be undone. I can’t explain it anyway. There’s no explanation. I have to just sit here in awe that we are surrounded by a bunch of stupid fuckers. This is a wake-up call. At least it should be.

Contagion Confusion

      Happy Halloween! Although, I’m not really feeling it today. I have some kind of illness. Congestion and what not. It makes it hard to want to do anything. Plus, I have a show on Saturday, so I hope this is short lived. I don’t really have any plans for tonight, but I don’t want my wife to get whatever this is. I’m kind of bummed too, because I avoid people a lot. However, on Sunday, at Hustlers’ practice, the guitar player said, near the end of practice, that he thinks he has whatever his kid had last week. We were all like: “Don’t breathe on us, we have a show!” Well, he breathed on us. I haven’t asked anyone else their status yet, hopefully it’s just me. It would surely suck if we were all ill. Well, except for patient zero, I’m sure he’s fine by now. I don’t like pointing fingers, and there’s a chance it wasn’t him. But, because of the chance that it could be, I think it is. We never even really got close, this must be a monster. I guess I’ll find out tomorrow. On Sunday, our drummer got a flat tire in Murrietta, which is about an hour from here, so, he couldn’t make it to practice. It was a little weird practicing without a drummer, but I’m glad we did. It kind of messed people up, but I think it’s good to realize what your crutches are. We plowed through. And even though it wasn’t ideal, it was helpful. That is why we scheduled another practice for tomorrow. I’ll get to see if anyone else has the “crud.” I’m debating whether or not I should wear a mask. I hope I feel better, but that won’t make me less contagious. This is where it gets weird. We all thought: “How could you bring an illness around us.” And now I’m contemplating doing the same thing. Maybe I should just let them practice without me. I know my parts.

     I guess it’ll be a game time decision. If they’re not already sick, I should avoid them. Then there’s the show on Saturday! It’s not just a show, it’s someone’s wedding reception! They are a very punk rock couple, part of the scene, and this is what they wanted. The Calvins and the Heartbreak Hustlers are playing, along with a couple of other bands. It’s a daytime show, which you know I love. But, it’s hard to be excited because now I’m worried it’ll become a super spreader event! There’s potential for a lot of people to be there. What am I going to do? Wear a mask and gloves!? I’ll be better by then. Sometimes I have to talk myself away from the edge. Unfortunately, this is where I go sometimes. My mind instantly goes to: “What if it’s like this forever?” I’m going to use a positive mindset to make this a 24-hour thing, of which I’ve already endured several of those 24 hours. I was going to go hang up some fliers for the show on the 15^th. Now I’m not sure if I should go. But, I want them up for the weekend. Dilemma! I’m probably definitely overthinking it, but thanks to Covid, now we should all think differently about what we bring to the public. I was planning on mailing my ballot today, but now I’m worried I might make the letter carrier sick! Okay, that was just a little joke. It did cross my mind, but then it seemed ridiculous, so instead I made it a joke! Now my wife just came home. Sick! This is not good. She’s barfing as I type! Thank goodness I’m not having that trouble. Oh brother! I was just about done worrying about this, and now this! Sheesh! This is unsettling. Everything is going to be fine, but you have to admit, it’s a little spooky. Worrying about spreading illness, and then 2 people in the same house are ill! And, on Halloween! What are the chances? That really is spooky.

     Okay, that’s enough. I don’t want to be “poor me-ing” all over this thing. No practice tonight because of Halloween. Obviously, that was not my choice. But I get it, they still have little ones. Not that little though. They’re all in the double digits! I have a hard time believing they still trick-or-treat, 3 of them are almost in high school! Oh well, it’s a pseudo-holiday, I get it. I still think we should just make it the last Saturday of October, that’s when everyone wants to party anyway. This weekday stuff is ridiculous! Oh well, I’ll get off the soapbox. I also think it’s weird that 2 of the 4 of us don’t want to practice the Thursday before the show. One person thinks it’s some kind of “bad luck,” while the other seems to be worried about his physical readiness. I can almost understand physical readiness. Almost! But bad luck!? Give me a break! I think it could only help. We just practiced 3 weeks in a row. It has been a long time since that happened. And by that 3^rd practice, we were killing it! Then we skipped a week, and when we got together it had already lost some of its edge, like we hadn’t seen each other in a while. I really hope that doesn’t happen again. I’m all about more practice. When we play on the 15^th, I want people to feel like we’ve been playing together for 20 years, not like we just got back together. Which is kind of what it feels like. And we did kind of. 6 practices in a year! Oh well, I’m just glad we’re getting a show in. Our streak is unbroken! And with only 6 weeks to spare. I’m about out of things to tell you. I only have a few words left, and I can’t think of any. I guess I’ll chock it up to being on medication. Yeah, that’s it, I’m in a fog because of medication.

Dried Meat And Busy Feet

      I can not believe that October is almost over, and it feels like we’re just getting started. I guess in a way, we are just getting started, but that has nothing to do with October. We’ve got multiple parties this Saturday. We’re only attempting to make it to 2. That’s enough. The singer in my cowpunk band is putting on a show with her other band Wabash Cannons. I’m pretty excited, they’re playing at Helix Brewery. The Eruption has played there a couple of times, and are hoping to do so in the future. This is their first adventure into punk rock, so we’ll see how it goes. They used to have a bunch of mellower bands, and I’m hoping people show up, to show that it is viable to have more aggressive acts play. This is an annual event, but it’s usually held down the road, at a different brewery, which isn’t having shows anymore. So, I want to represent, hoping this continues. Plus, I’m stoked to see the bands. They got Beta 7, which is the ska band we played with a couple of months ago. We’ve been friends with them for a while now. Another band, always in costume, with a kind of spooky, punk theme is All Monster Revue. I think they’re great. Very fun to see. And then, the Skullbusters! They’re a spooky punk themed band also, very cool. The keyboard player is married to the Hustlers’ singer, so it’s all very intertwined. I’m really looking forward to this show. Luckily, that is an early show. It starts at 2. I like early shows. Especially on crazy weekends like the one coming up. That evening, our camping friends are having their annual Halloween party. We should get there just in time. We’re going as Shrek and Fiona. We did it a couple of years ago, but with a different group, so it’s not like “the same thing.” Last year we were skeletons. It was cool. This will be our 2^nd time at this event.

     Last weekend was pretty cool. We went and hung out with my parents. I made stew, it was delicious. It wasn’t quite as thick as stew normally is, but it was still good. I had some more last night, yum! While I was there, I also used their smoker. I bought what I thought was a turkey breast. I like to smoke it, then slice it up for sandwiches. However, what I bought was an actual turkey breast, bones and all. The torso of a bird! I was surprised to see that. I had not planned on carving a bird. I was going to give half to my parents, but, upon seeing what we had, they said we should keep it. I carved it up on Monday, it is delicious. I made smoked turkey tacos. They were awesome! Not the sandwich I was hoping for, but delicious, nonetheless. I also smoked some beef jerky while I was there. I have a few recipes I’ve been messing with for some time. This time I did Root Beer Habanero. It came out pretty good. I was mostly experimenting with it, because in the past it has cooled with a type of film on it. It makes it look weird. I wouldn’t want to give anyone jerky with film on it. I think it might be from the fat or something, I’m not sure. We recently got one of these 6-in-1 devices, one of which being a dehydrator. So, the idea was to smoke, then dehydrate, hoping to remove any excess moisture, avoiding the “film.” Dehydrating took a lot longer than expected. The smoked stuff did develop the “film.” But it’s still delicious. The dehydrated hasn’t formed a “film,” but I just did that yesterday, so we’ll have to see. The dehydrating took a little bit away from the deliciousness. Plus, now the texture is odd. I must have gone too far. It’s practically bark. Not what I wanted. Next time I’ll try a different cut of meat.

     This is the first time all 3 of my bands are practicing. At least I think so. It may have happened once before, but this feels like the “very first time.” Yes, that was meant to be sung in your head. We all have shows coming up in the next few weeks, so there is no doubt it won’t be the last. It’s exciting, there’s so much going on. I was a little uneasy because a friend made a flyer for the benefit show on the 15^th. He used a beloved character from an 80’s film. Which is usually fine, but he’s holding a knife, and I wasn’t sure about the image. Then when I showed my wife, she didn’t even know who it was, or what they were from. That got me thinking. Other people might not know also. Plus, I wanted to put up some posters where she used to work, and wasn’t sure how the image would go over. So, I changed it. I replaced the image with a picture of Josie, so people would know who we’re benefitting. I thought we’d get better traction, especially if people don’t “automatically” know which “Josie” we’re referring to. Part of me wanted to reach out to my friend about changing the poster, but the other part of me thought he wouldn’t care. I’m just doing a limited run, of a few local flyers. I ordered them yesterday. They should be here by Tuesday. Then, today, my friend who made the original flyer called me. The venue asked us to change the flyer a little. They thought the wording was a little confusing, and wanted their logo on it. So, he made the changes, and had some flyers printed up, and wanted to know if I wanted any! I couldn’t believe it. What are the chances!? I got to tell him what I had done, and where I was thinking of posting them. I guess I’ll just add the logo to them when they get here.

Feast On The Horizon

      2 in a week again! It almost leaves nothing left to say. Almost. I recently read that Stephen King writes 2-3 thousand words a day, even on vacation. Wow, talk about running out of things to say. Although, I imagine with the celebrity life, there’s probably always something going on to write about. Now that I think about it, he may be writing fiction, which is sometimes a little easier I think, especially if you’ve already got the characters in your mind. I recently saw some short story writing competitions online. I checked them out, but it made me realize that I’m not into fiction that much. Not at all, really. I like movies and such, but when I read, I want information. I have no desire to try to get lost in someone else’s head, I’ve got plenty in my own going on. But, it is still writing. Which I should probably do more of. They say practice makes perfect, but the other day I had the thought that all I’m doing is practicing. Falling back to what I wrote earlier, it’s clear in my head what I’m practicing for, but from an outside perspective, you would have no real idea. At least with playing music, I eventually have a show, and that is like “game time.” Well, I guess “show time” would be more appropriate. It is the accumulation of practices to perform. Whereas this task I practice is a lot less obvious. There is no “show time” for this. At least not yet anyway. Well, at least when I get there, I’ll be ready. I kind of beat myself up sometimes because I have enough free time to get done a lot of the things I wish to do. For some reason I’m just not putting enough effort into it. Which may sound crazy, because I am working on something every day. But it’s really starting to remind me of that old saying: “Shit or get off the pot.” Which I have recently come to a truer understanding of since there’s a game on my phone.

     That’s more along the lines of things I’d like to tell you. As tough as it is to admit it. When I started this whole project, I think that was basically the theme: What’s it like when you’re starting. It seems like a lot of the books I’ve read, and people I’ve heard of, have all been after they knew. Once they finished the thing. I’ve always been more curious about how they began. What’s it like to start with an idea that potentially no one’s heard of yet. Hearing of someone who’s already accomplished, doesn’t really have the same feel as describing the learning curve. Maybe other people aren’t interested, I don’t know. All I do know is that, I always thought this would be more of a tutorial for navigating the fluxing world of awareness, trying to maintain creative integrity, while figuring out how to discipline one’s self. Instead, it often seems like I’m just recounting the more exciting moments of my otherwise mundane life. But it does help. And I know this is a recurring theme, the mundane often helps me go places I may not have gone. Also, often, looking back at some of the post titles, I’m reminded of the events I’ve participated in, and people I’ve shared them with. In those situations, I’m glad that I’m taking the time to document what I’m going through, and the things I think while I go through them. So, it’s a bit of a conundrum. In order for me to share my thoughts on life with you, the life needs described, does it not? Okay, okay, I’ll stop myself there. I felt I was getting overly dramatic. Plus, I’m still dealing with the need to make corrections, instead of fixing it at the end. When Word tells me it thinks I’ve errored, I usually lose my train of thought. Which isn’t always that friendly. But, sometimes, like now, it makes me feel that maybe I did complete the thought, which is why there isn’t any “more.”

     Then, I go on about my life. It helps fill the void until the next epiphany. I’ve been noticing a lot of birthdays in October. We went to a party last Saturday. We had 2 the week before that. The Calvin’s drummer’s daughter just turned 18 on Tuesday, which is why we practiced yesterday. It was awesome by the way. This weekend we’re going over to hang out with my parents. It’s been a while, and this is the last free weekend for a while. After this I’m booked every weekend until Thanksgiving. And, technically, that’s already booked too. Then it’s my birthday, my mom’s, she’s taking us on a small cruise to Catalina and Ensenada. So, basically, I’ll have a free weekend in the middle of December. Which means shopping, so it’s not really free. Basically, I’ll see you next year! Well, that’s how it feels sometimes. I know that’s a recurring theme, and I never want to sound like I’m complaining. I truly am grateful that I have such a wide group of people who want to be around me. Maybe I should say “us,” I’m not sure how often I’d get invited if it weren’t for my outgoing wife. I don’t find that self-deprecating, it’s probably true. However, I’ll be busy with gigs, and I know I got those off my own merit. It’s exciting! I wanted to play more, and now I am. I certainly can’t complain about getting what I wished for. I have a general “fear,” that if I don’t accept what I’ve been asking for, “it” may stop granting them. I don’t want that to happen. I am grateful everyday for the journey towards awareness, and the magic that seems to come when you acknowledge it. I often feel like a monk, spending most of my time, even through mundane tasks, thinking about the Universe and how different things would be if we all were actually taking this journey together, instead of being complacent. Sorry, I got a little deep on you there, but “deep” is where I like to go.

Should've Happened On The 10th

      I have to keep reminding myself what day it is. Which is a little weird, because my life isn’t so busy that it makes any difference. However, it does seem that even the slightest of hiccups makes my schedule unravel to the point of uncertainty. It is Wednesday, tomorrow is trash day, these are the things I need to keep track of. I have practice tonight, which is not usual, I need reminded. My wife works from home on Wednesdays, that makes it easier to remember. Also, I don’t usually do this on Wednesday, so I think you can see how things can get confusing. But, here I am, practically a week late at this, trying to remember what I did two weeks ago, when I hardly know what day it is now. Talk about first world problems! I’m really not a fan of sitting here trying to remember. But, I’m also not a fan of missing my session, so this is what happens. And now I have to post another past session! I think that makes 3 this year. At least for two of them I had a reasonable excuse. Although, if this was a “real” job, I would have made preparations. Deadlines are deadlines, no matter what. I prefer my deadlines a little more flexible. Which is probably part of the problem. I read a lot of things, and one thing I see over and over again is the importance of setting a deadline. Put it on your calendar! Make a plan and move towards it with a deadline! However, I almost never do that. I’m still stuck in the realm of Someday. Maybe I need to think about that more. I’ve also read that it is okay to move the deadline if necessary. It seems a bit like a contradiction, but apparently, we shouldn’t get too down on ourselves when the first attempt doesn’t work out. I guess, technically, we shouldn’t get too down on ourselves even if the 100^th time doesn’t work out. We have to just keep trying to get it “right.”

     Last week I just kind of forgot. I was working on a new video for the Eruption. It was kind of time consuming. A lot of moving parts. When I’m working on certain projects, involving a lot of moving parts, I find I get swept up in it. Next thing I know, it’s already 5 o’clock, and I’ve got to move on to something else. Plus, when it involves a lot of meticulous moves, I feel that if I don’t keep going, I’ll forget what I was doing. It happens a lot when I’m mixing practice, if I get distracted, I have to go back through the history of my moves to remember where I am. It’s easier to just stay focused and finish. Or at least leave myself at some kind of legitimate stopping point. Last week it took about a day to think of the project, a day to figure out how to do the project, and a day to complete the project. I had to start over 3 times. But, that’s okay, I’m glad with the way it came out. I’m just glad that I wasn’t too far a long before I recognized the error. That’s the problem with doing something you’ve never done before, the learning curve! I guess it’s not really a “problem,” I’m not sure why I used that word, but I’m leaving it. That’s what makes it exciting! Figuring out what works! If you don’t try again, you miss the opportunity. Whoa, I’m sensing a theme. Anyway: That’s what happened to me last week, by the time I noticed what time it was, I had to go to practice. Which was awesome by the way. I planned on getting to it on Friday, but the same thing happened. However, the video is done now, and has been posted. I really do it just to stay creative. Kind of like this. I know I’m not breaking any ground, but I am learning, so it counts. And I have fun. It’s a win-win! Plus, it lets people know we’re still around.

     If I had written this last Thursday, I wouldn’t have had a whole lot to say. I would have let you know that I was excited about having Eruption practice. I would have let you know that it felt weird not having Calvin’s practice 2 weeks in a row! Because of the Padres! I told you before that I like the excitement, but I wouldn’t let it control my life. Last Tuesday, when we didn’t have practice, it allowed me to go with some friends for a birthday party. A bunch of us went to Sycuan to watch the Padres, and hang out with each other. I thought it seemed a little weird, but that’s what the birthday girl wanted, and that’s what she got. Some people were much more into it than others. I was surprised at how many people were there to watch. Not even in a sports book, at one of the restaurants. The Padres ended up winning, and the place erupted. There were a lot of happy people. And, they all seemed to be glad to watch it with other fans. Even one of the guys with us, who is a huge Padres fan, mentioned how he was reluctant to attend because he wasn’t sure about how he’d see the game. After the game he said he was glad there were people there in their gear watching. It somehow made the experience better for him. It struck me as odd. Several people in our group were wandering around to other patrons, whom they did not know, and hug them, jumping up and down in joy. I did no such thing. I was caught off guard when people in my own group wanted to hug and high five me. It made a difference to them. I’m not like that. Obviously. Lastly, I would have told you about Hustler’s practice. We practiced without lead guitar! It took a little getting used to, but we did it, and it was pretty good. Especially for not having seen each other in a month. Some were a little hesitant, but I pushed through and showed them that we could. We had a lot more fun than we usually do.

Octoberfest Battle

      Ah, things are mellow now. Well, kind of. The Padres are going to Divisional Series, so that’s exciting! I don’t know if I should say this in public but: I don’t really care that much. I’m glad they won. I like seeing the county excited. But, I just don’t care that much. The singer of the Calvins cancelled band practice on Tuesday so he could watch the game! Not even live, on TV! That’s nuts! I could understand if he got tickets, but he didn’t. I know a lot of people who did though. While I was looking at social media over the past couple of days, I couldn’t believe how many people I knew that went. The guitar player for the Eruption even got caught on TV camera! His wife was very excited. I’m sure he didn’t know until he got home. She may have texted him, I don’t know. I’m sure I’ll find out tonight. Yep, practice again! 2 weeks in a row! We’re going to sound awesome. Each practice we get a little tighter, and I have high hopes for this one. Last week was pretty awesome, so this should be better! 6 weeks until show time, we’re going to kill it! I’m excited. I’m more excited about that than the Padres. Sorry, to whom it may concern, but that’s how I feel. I watched the VP debate on Tuesday. That was more exciting to me. Sorry again. I did watch last night. Nothing was really on, and it is kind of exciting. My wife grew up involved, so I know she loves it. It reminds her a lot of her dad, so I get it. She grew up watching, and being a junior Padre, so it’s a part of her life. I just like seeing people excited about stuff. The one thing that lingered for me was that, I was surprised our singer would rather watch baseball than practice. However, I did not want to practice Monday because of football.

     Oh well, I guess we each have our thing. I’m just glad I caught it. I was willing to practice on Monday, but our guitar player was helping his brother move, so we couldn’t. We’ve got 6 weeks until a show, we’re fine. This weekend I’m finally, supposedly, going to have Hustler’s practice! I haven’t seen them in a month! Maybe over a month. People were on vacation, and now it’s crunch time. We have a show on the 2^nd. So just a few weeks to get ready. I’ve known we were going to have practice on the 6^th for a while now. It’s been on my calendar. Then yesterday, while everyone was texting to make sure, the guitar player says he’s out of town until the 12^th! Sheesh! We didn’t have these songs down all the way yet anyway, and now this! Our acoustic player already said he forgot everything. I really hope he’s joking! I’m pretty sure he is. But, the last time we practiced the guitar player was gone, and we only practiced the song that the acoustic player wrote. I hope that’s not the case this weekend. We can play the songs a man down. It shouldn’t be that big of a deal. A lot of times, when you play music with a different structure, you listen to each other more, solidify your part more, and tend to learn more about the actual song. As opposed to just your part, and what you’re used to. I know it’s helping the Eruption. When we play without our drummer, we have to think differently about the whole song. It took quite a bit of getting used to initially. Having wrote the majority of the songs myself, and having played them for decades, yes, plural, I’m quite confident about how they go. But, I was really surprised by the other two, and how reliant they were on the drummer’s parts. Now, playing without him has gotten easier, and I think we all know our parts a little bit better because of it.

     It’s Octoberfest this weekend! It’s supposed to be hot too, maybe 100! Ouch. Nothing like walking around on asphalt, in the direct sun, when it’s 100! Plus, practice on Sunday, with no AC! I might lose weight this weekend. Not that it’s a bad thing, but sheesh! It’s also a bit of a bummer because practice and Octoberfest are both in La Mesa. So, I’ll be there Saturday and Sunday. I don’t want to try to cram both in on the same day. Both deserve their respective times. We won’t be going oompah crazy, we just like wandering around checking out all the stuff. It was way different when we lived downtown La Mesa. Then, Octoberfest consumed life for a weekend, it engulfed us. Now, we’re more like spectators. It was always about the party before. Now, not so much. We’re still going to run into a lot of friends, and familiar faces, which is one of the main reasons to go, but we won’t get sloppy. At least we don’t plan to. Now that we have to get in, and get out, it’s different. The only thing that really still remains the same is our love for the spectacle, and our love for La Mesa. I like checking out all the booths. I don’t care that it’s not “authentic.” There’s this whole “battle” about “authentic” Octoberfests. I don’t get it. El Cajon has Octoberfest two weekends in a row, last week and this week. And we know so many people who have this problem with La Mesa being more like a street fair, than an Octoberfest. And I just couldn’t care less. For years people have been trying to get us to go to the El Cajon Octoberfest, because it’s so (in a bougie voice) “authentic.” I’m not sure if I should say this in public but: I don’t care about “authentic” German anything. I care about La Mesa. I will probably never go to the El Cajon O’fest, because without the booths, it’s waiting in line for a lame time! Not interested!

Finally Caught Back Up

      Back on track! It feels good. I feel like this whole month has been a whirlwind. And now, things are finally starting to get back to “normal.” I’m happy about that. A little whirlwind is nice every once in a while, but it’s always nice to have things level out again. I’m excited about Eruption practice tonight! There’s about seven weeks until our next gig, so that should give us plenty of time to get us to the point where it sounds like we’ve been playing for 20 years. It feels a little awkward because we’ve been around for 20 years, and almost no one knows who we are. I’m hoping that changes in the next couple of months. I think it’s a little odd because we don’t sound like anyone. We’re heavy, but not metal. Our songs have meaning, but we’re not emo. You can dance to us, but we’re not pop. Everyone wants to be in a band that is unique, but when you are unique, it’s hard to “fit in.” A lot of people don’t want mixed genre shows. I just saw a post that a promoter shared today, basically saying as much. He was referencing Punk and Rap, but it’s the same with stoner rock and whatever we are. We like it, that’s all that matters, I guess. The show we’re playing is definitely mixed genre, and I hope we get some new fans out of it. I was also stoked because we got offered a show on October 11^th, and everyone was willing to do it! I couldn’t believe they all said yes! But, unfortunately, the bill was full before I got back to the promoter. That’s one of the downsides of not using social media on my phone. I was asked on a Saturday, didn’t see it until Monday, and didn’t respond until Tuesday. Things move fast, and I could be a little more on top of it. But I got asked, that’s the main point. People are starting to think of me when putting a show together, that’s where I want to be!

     I also thought it was weird that when I had Calvins’ practice on Tuesday, the guitar player seemed shocked that the Eruption was still practicing. He knows we’re playing this show together in November, so I was shocked that he was shocked. I have no idea where he got the idea that we were on some kind of extended break. We’ve been on an extended break, but now it’s time to get after it. At least I hope so. The fact that they all said yes to a show is a major step in the right direction! We’ve had at least one show a year for 20 years! That’s something! Even if we’re not the most popular band in town, that is an achievement! I’m allowing myself to be happy about it. Even though the thoughts still swirl around about a band that’s been playing regularly for 20 years, and no one has heard of them. But I have to let it go. I’m proud, we’re proud, and we rock. And hopefully, November 15^th, people will notice. Knowing so many more people now, should help us get out more. At least that’s the plan. Well, I’m not sure if it’s so much of a “plan,” rather than a “hope.” And, I hope I’m not the only one hoping it. It’s a weird thing too, because if you play a lot, people hear about you, but don’t want to go to every show. If you don’t play that often, people haven’t heard about you, and won’t know to come see you. It’s a fine line. Venues, other bands, are always looking to see how much, or often, you post things, and use that to determine whether you’re good or not. I’m not sure posting a bunch of stuff makes you a good band. It makes you good at social media, but I’m not sure it makes you a good band. Anyway, I’m happy we’re sneaking in this show to keep the streak intact.

     Finally, last week’s adventure was pretty awesome. It was my mother-in-law’s 70^th birthday. We went to a local casino for a staycation. She loves the casino. This particular casino is called Sycuan. They have a lazy river you can just float around in. It was nice. We reserved a cabana. It was nice! We had been keeping this a secret for almost a year. She knew my wife and I, along with our daughter, would be there. She thought there would be 6 of us. Instead, all of her daughters came! They were all hiding in the cabana, along with some other lifelong friends, and my dad. She was shocked! I had a little apprehension about surprising someone so old, but she handled it great. There were so many times that people almost slipped, we were thinking she may have figured it out, with some comments she made. But I saw that ladies face up close, she had no clue. The daughters had done it! My part was easy, I’m good at not saying anything. We were a little concerned about her boyfriend, but apparently no one let the cat out of the bag. It was perfect. We stayed at the casino for a few days. It was nice! We won a little money, had some delicious food, and got to spend 2 days floating around the resort. We all had a great time. No drama, other than the one we created. Then they all got to spend the weekend together at their mom’s house. It was so nice to see a plan come into action. They are all so proud of themselves. As they should be. This was a bit of an undertaking, and they pulled it off. It couldn’t have gone better. They all left on Sunday, and then we went to go dog sitting. Dog sitting! I really like one of the dogs. A lot. So, it’s not that big of a deal. But, when we agreed to do this the first time, we had no idea how much they actually travel. Now, I guess we’re it.

Should've Happened On The 19th

      It’s getting harder and harder to keep it all straight. I don’t know what I’ve told you already. I barely know what day it is. But, if I remember correctly, this should have been done last Thursday. So, I’m going to do my best to keep it all cohesive. And to make it a little more interesting, I just woke up, therefore, I don’t quite have my wits about me yet. I didn’t mean to fall asleep, I guess it was a post-burrito coma. I believe last week I would have written to you about camping, so that’s where I’ll start. Well, a prelude to the start first: I find it terribly interesting that the dates of camping week directly lined up with the dates of our wedding back in 2019. We got married on Tuesday September 10^th, and had our reception on Saturday September 14^th. This year, it just so happened that September 10^th fell on a Tuesday, and September 14^th fell on a Saturday. It’s only been 5 years, and it seems like that’s too soon for the days to line-up again, but they did. I find that interesting. I sent my wife flowers to the office. She was stunned! I had never done that for her before. No one had ever done that for her before. She lost it. I did good. When the receptionist brought them in to her, she thought she was joking. Apparently, the receptionist showed her the name on the package, and said “Isn’t that your name?” Trying to be funny. I got a call very soon after. Apparently, she had to wait until she finished crying to call me. Hearing the crying, some people at work asked if she was okay, assuming something bad, but she was just really happy. I thought it might have been a little weird getting her flowers on Tuesday, when we were going out of town on Thursday, but I figured it was worth it. And, worst case scenario, we could always take them with us, so she could enjoy them while they lasted.

     She was still beaming when she got home. I really pleased her. She decided not to take the flowers with us. And you know what? Two weeks later, and those things are still just as beautiful as the day she brought them home. They must have put some kind of super food in the water, because she is still enjoying them to this day! Which is good, since we haven’t really been home that much over the past couple of weeks. Woops, almost broke the 4^th wall. Keep it together! I think we did better at preparing for camping this year. Thank God! It’s only been 13 years, at least we’re getting a better grip on it. Wait, this is starting to feel familiar. I think I told you about the Pozole. I think I told you about the broken tent pole. I think I told you about the nervousness with getting my car there. I must have gotten off track last week. I knew it had the potential to get messy. Oh well, I’m getting these done. And I’m going to do my best not to re-tell you everything. I suppose I had to go there, being that there wasn’t much to say about the weekend when nothing happened. Now I’m stuck, trying to remember weeks ago, and what I may have already told you. And, sitting here trying to remember what I was going to write goes against the idea of what this is supposed to be, which is me just letting the words flow. Now I’m trying to remember what I may have left out, and I’m thinking about it way more than I would like to be, sitting here staring at the screen, hoping somehow, it’s going to help me remember. Although, I do realize that a lot of times, when I’m staring, it’s not the thing that I’m staring at that will help me remember, but the mindless gaze that allows me to access my mental image maker which helps my memory. You have to be careful of what you stare at!

     One more final, I hope, note about camping, that I don’t think I told you. There are only 4 children left. 3 of which are teenagers now, so don’t really seem like “children.” A couple of the family’s older children came, but the youngest of us is now 10. Camping used to be this constant commotion of children running rampant from the time the sun came up until the time the children passed out. I don’t miss it. I don’t miss being awoken by screaming children at 7am! It was a lot more calm this year. I suppose it was last year too, but it didn’t hit me the way it did this year. In a way I kind of felt bad for the 4 of them, but they seemed to do alright. They really took it in stride, entertaining themselves, and not fighting. I never heard a single complaint. They never seemed bored, even though there was much less going on than in the past. The older children who did come up, didn’t even really seem to want to be there. They all went into town to go “thrifting.” Which, if you don’t know, is shopping at thrift stores. I guess to them it’s like treasure hunting. They seemed bored by the whole idea of being camping, except the food. I think that may have been their only reason for showing up. Well, that, and apparently the awesome thrift stores of San Clemente. Go figure. I also noticed that without children, a lot of the adults stayed to themselves. There seems to be a divide between the glampers, and those of us who are there to be disconnected. I find it odd to want to camp and do what you normally would do. I thought the point was to be disconnected. I like being able to hear music, but I’ve noticed, now that everyone has a “Bluetooth speaker," we don’t even play music like we used to. It’s kind of a bummer.

Should Have Happened On The 12th

      Things are a little crazy this month! I meant to do this earlier last week, but I got a little busy. Well, maybe a lot busy. Last week was our annual camping trip. We left on Thursday, which, as you know, is the day I normally do this. I had every intention of getting this done beforehand, but there just seemed like so much to do. I want to make sure I get 52 of these done, so here we are again, trying to back track what should have already been done. So, as in usual back track fashion, I will do my best to remember what I was going to tell you last week. Last week, I would have told you that Eruption practice was awesome! Not only was everyone in a decent mood, but we rocked out fairly heavy. When we practice, I record everything. Nothing fancy, just a digital recorder, placed in the room. It works well. Some people refer to it as a “Field,” or “Reference,” microphone. But, it does what we want it to do. I try to place it so that it creates a sonic image, as if we were in a studio. It’s not perfect, but it is good. And, I’m always trying to get better with what we’re doing. It makes it a little tough, because we’re not always in the same spot, or at the same volume, but we’re trying to fix that. The problem being that when practice is so far and few between, it’s easy to forget what you did last week. And, I’m the only one nerdy enough to try to write it all down, which I don’t really want to do. It’s hard to get everyone on board. But, the point of all of this, is that, the recording came out pretty good! I was quite happy with it. The keys were a little quiet, but that’s better than them being too loud. I’m a little concerned when we play live that the sound person may not know to make sure he isn’t too loud.

     Having the keys too loud can quickly make your heavy band sound like a church band. Not exactly the image we’re going for. I also wanted to let you know that as far as my car is concerned, the incident seemed to be a fluke. I made it to practice without incident, and have been using it regularly with no problems, so I don’t know what happened that day a couple of weeks ago. That was a huge weight off my mind. Especially because, as I’ve gotten older, I realize that I don’t like driving around nervous. Both of our vehicles have their quirks. But I just got a transmission for one of them, they both had to pass smog, and they both just needed their oil changed. I had just taken care of all of that, and was finally starting to drive around with the confidence that suits me better. So, when the smoking tire thing happened, I felt awful. It took away the ease that I was feeling. Ever since I’ve gotten it back, I still have nervousness. It’s dissipating a little. It was pretty bad on the way to and from camping, but there were no problems, so I’m calming down a little, and am getting back to the state of being glad to have 2 well operating vehicles. It’s tough though because they both have little electrical problems that make us wonder if it’s true every time a warning light comes on. It’s not really safe to ignore the warnings, but by now we know that they aren’t always true. One of our cars regularly thinks one of its doors is open, which we can see is not. The other car regularly has the check engine light come on, stay on for a few days, and then goes off. That same car, by the way, the interior lights don’t come on unless you turn them on, it doesn't work with the door, the way that you’d expect them to.

     All of that makes it tough to know if there’s a “real” problem or not. So, we do what we can to stay on top of it, hoping that our attention will help us keep them longer, and get in the habit of taking care of things, for when it’s time to get one a little newer. Last week I would’ve wrote about a lazy weekend leading up to all the commotion we’re currently in, so, no point in hashing that out. Camping was fun. I think we did a lot better this time at balancing our sitting and standing. I was not nearly as sore by Sunday this time. Last year I could barely walk on Sunday. And Monday for that matter. The weather was probably the best it’s ever been. Pretty much perfect. We had a little bit of an ant issue, but other than that it was uneventful. Oh, except for our tent breaking! I almost forgot about that. Which is exactly about how much it bothered us. When we were setting it up, one of the joints snapped. I was able to jimmy rig it back together with some duct tape, and we didn’t really have a problem. Although, as I was kind of mentioning earlier, it made me nervous. The whole time, I just kept watching, waiting to see if it would hold. Every time we were sleeping, and the wind would blow, I was afraid it would come down. But it didn’t. Everything was fine. We had a good time. We had lots of interesting conversations. And everyone loved my Pozole! We did Souplantation theme again. Which some of us are against, but it worked out well, and just as last time, it was delicious! I make salad 2 or 3 times a week, so it’s nice to have so many toppings that it tastes nothing like what I usually make. So many options that you actually feel like you’re at Souplantation! It’s no barbeque, but I have no complaints.

Nothing Usual About This Month

      Let the games begin! That has multiple meanings. Today is the start of the football season. I’ll be watching a lot less football this year, having Hustler’s practice on Sundays. Also, it seems like a lot more games are being aired on streaming services, so I don’t get to see them. They’re playing a game in Brazil tomorrow, for the first time ever. Do Brazilians even like American Football? It can only be streamed of course, so I won’t be seeing that one. I’m not even going to get to see the game being aired tonight, because I have band practice. Eruption practice! Finally! I’m excited about that. As if you couldn’t tell, or didn’t already know. We had the draft for our fantasy league on Tuesday night. We did alright. I think. It’s kind of weird because every once in a while, you end up with a bunch of people you don’t know that well. I guess that’s part of the fun of it, it makes you look at people you may not normally look at. Plus, with all the new guys coming in, sometimes you just don’t know who people are. We’re at a stage right now where the “veterans” are guys I still consider “new to the league.” Mahomes is one of those guys. He still feels new to me. Obviously, we are not that studious about it. I say “we,” because my wife and I do this together. It’s fun for a couple of months. She had her work draft on Tuesday as well. Her work draft started at 5:30, and our draft started at 7:30. She barely had time to finish one before we ran out the door to the other. It’s all done by computer, like most things these days. So, her work draft was done from our home. Whereas with our other league, we like to go in-person and see everyone. It makes it more fun. Although, we look like a bunch of nerds, all huddling around our laptops. Out of 12 teams, our picks got ranked number 1! Not a bad way to start.

     Last week was kind of a trip. I was writing to you last Thursday, mentioning not being sure about the situation with my mom, then, as soon as I was done, and closing the laptop, my phone went off, and it was my mom! I was like: “WHOA!” I get such a thrill when things like that happen. Mentioning not knowing, then BOOM, knowing. We decided to have dinner together on Monday. It was nice. We went for sushi at a place we all like. It’s just a little weird because there’s often a lot of silence. I know it’s hard to socialize when you’re looking at a menu, trying to decide. Then it’s not much easier when the food is in front of your face. But I tried to ask open ended questions. I don’t want to feel like a reporter, but information should be shared. We don’t see each other all that often, so it should be a chance to “catch up.” However, we often sit there quietly unless someone pries. Plus, she just had a procedure done. She has to know we’re going to be curious about what happened. It felt like she was being vague about everything. So, I just kept asking questions. I know under usual circumstances, 2 retired people and a house husband might not have that much to talk about. But, this seemed different. I finally got some information out of her, with the help of my sister. In general though, it is getting tougher, and tougher, to communicate with them. They are both not hearing so well. It’s tough for them to keep their train of thought. And, they both kind of bicker a lot. It seems like being married for over 50 years, you’d get better at working with each other. But that doesn’t seem to be the case for them. Especially when the finish line is so close. I know I often bring it up, but there is some serious truth to the idea of what do you want to spend the last bit of your life doing? Bickering?

     I’m a little nervous/confused today. We took my wife’s car for an oil change yesterday. It should have been done a while ago, woops. It went fine. However, when I was driving my car home it started riding funny. I made it home, and when I got out, I smelled a weird smell, and saw some smoke, or steam, coming from my front driver side tire. I popped the hood, and saw nothing unusual. I couldn’t figure out what was going on. I was bummed. I felt we finally had them both working well, then this. I knew I had practice today, and we’re going camping next week, so this was not the time for it to have a problem. The next two weeks are packed! We’re camping for a week, then boom, her sisters are in town for their mom’s 70^th for a week, we are busy! So, we decided to get the car to the shop early this morning, so they’d have time to troubleshoot. It felt weird being there, since I was just there yesterday, but, oh well. We dropped it off around 8:30. He called before 10 and said that he couldn’t find a problem. No leaks, nothing. He said everything looked good. He did notice some belt that was rotting, so I had him fix that, but he could find no trace of the problem I had experienced. I was relieved, but confused. I know what I experienced. I brought the car home this afternoon, and had no issues. What could have happened yesterday!? There still is a little bit of a smell. So, obviously, I’m nervous. I’m going to band practice in a little bit, and I just want everything to be okay. Camping is only an hour away next week, but still, yesterday I only drove it for 10 minutes! I don’t want to be overreacting, but at the same time, something could be wrong. I guess I’m just going to trust the mechanic, and believe that it was some kind of weird fluke, and go about my business, as usual.