To Say, Or Not To Say

      Well, perhaps I should have kept the Disneyland story for this week. An uneventful week has led me to sit here staring at a blank screen again. But, as I thought, Disneyland is no longer fresh enough in my mind to extrapolate much from it. The details are fading. I’m not sure if waiting until today would have made any difference. It seemed like we picked the ideal day to go. It was hot, unusually hot for October, but not too hot. I only found myself sweating a couple of times, but that was only when we were in direct sun for an extended period of time. Even then, I attribute it mostly to wearing my hat. I definitely didn’t want my bald head getting direct sun exposure. The crowd wasn’t bad either. I mean, walking around, it seemed kind of crowded, but we didn’t have to wait very long for any of the rides. I think 30 minutes was the longest we waited for anything, and we got on everything. Well, everything we wanted to. Space Mountain was closed, so that doesn’t count. Matterhorn closed just as we were about to get in line, which was kind of a bummer, but I have no feeling of missing out. We actually had some good food. I’m not sure that theme parks are really known for their “good” food, but we did have some delicious bites. We got some junk too, but I was impressed with the food we got in Star Wars land. The over-all experience wasn’t that bad, it just seemed to have lost its magic for me. Every ride we got on, I was overwhelmed by how much I thought everything was for children. I know it’s for children, but it really struck me as to how much it is for children. I often found myself wondering: “Why would adults want to do this?” There was a lot of eye-candy. But at the same time, spandex is not a right! Look in a mirror!

     Okay, sorry, that may have come off kind of rude. But seriously, just because you can put it on, doesn’t mean you should wear it. Speaking of being rude, I’m not sure if I should change the names of my next bit. I’m still on the fence as to whether I’m telling too much, at certain times. Part of me feels that I’m not doing any harm, but the other part of me feels that people might not want their drama posted online. And then yet another part of me feels that there is probably no actual way that anyone who’s involved will ever see this. So here I sit, wondering if it even matters who it’s actually about. After some thought, and a few deleted sentences, I realized the story won’t make sense without the truth. The Calvin’s singer is dating a younger woman. They seem very happy. I like them both quite a bit. They’ve been dating for a while. There’s a 20-year age gap. They don’t seem to mind, so it’s none of my business. However, she, being much younger, still has time for, and is probably going to want, marriage and children. He is not. They’ve discussed it, I’m certain he’s not leading her on. I am not sure, however, that she’s being completely honest with herself. Sometimes a person can fool themselves into thinking they’re fine without what they really want. In my experience that often does not go well. At the party a couple of weeks ago, some of us were kind of talking about Halloween. I’m not really sure what she was talking about, but all of a sudden, she asked my wife and I to not let the singer cancel band practice for Halloween. I thought it wouldn’t happen because we have a gig on the 3^rd. We need to practice. However, this week he said he wants to cancel! So now I’m stuck in a situation where I don’t know what to do.

     My loyalty is to him. If he doesn’t want practice, so be it. She may have been drunk. I think she has this whole trick-or-treat thing going on with her nieces. And I think maybe she didn’t want him to feel obligated, since it’s not really his thing. I think he’s probably just trying to be supportive, and spend time with her. So, I don’t think there’s any true “drama” going on, it’s just a weird thing. Now I don’t know if I should tell him what she said, or stay the hell out of it. Part of me feels that if he “plays along” too much, she might get the wrong idea. He is a nice guy. It’s none of my business. She was probably just trying to give him an out, even though she probably would like him to be there. I don’t know. I’m not saying anything. This is part of the problem with having friends, not getting entangled in each other’s drama. It seems like too often it’s complicated not to get drawn in. Especially when you’re a curious person like me. Speaking of friends, this weekend we’re going to a different friend’s Halloween party. We got invited to two. One at the home of someone we just recently met, and one at the home of a family that we go camping with. The first one is going to be a punk rock show, with the lady from Whatever68 Radio. I thought that would be fun. Hear some live music and get to mingle with other people from the scene. But then, the wife of the family friends texted my wife specifically, and asked if we would come. That kind of sealed the deal. We’ve never accepted an invite to any event held by our camping friends, other than camping. The fact that she reached out personally, as opposed to a Facebook invite, made it seem more touching, like perhaps they really would like us to come. This ought to be an adventure.

What Will Hindsight Bring Us Next?

      Friday! I’m glad I was able to find some time to squeeze this in. It’s so close to the end of the year, I’d hate to miss one now. I figured I’d have time today, but, you never know, things come up all the time. Also, part of an ulterior motive, I went to Disneyland yesterday, and wanted to be able to write about it. Sometimes when I think: “Oh, I’ll just write about that next week,” I notice I don’t have the same engagement as I did the week prior. Sometimes I think it gives me time for some perspective. Hindsight Period, we call it. Looking back can often cause you to see, or feel, things about an event that you may not have picked up on initially. That’s why they say: “Hindsight is 20/20,” because you can always see clearer once the event has passed. It’s an idea we take very seriously in our household, so I’m sure it’ll be coming up again. But, I didn’t want to wait a week, trying to remember anything I may have wanted to tell you. As it turns out, there’s not that much to tell you about anyway, so I’m not sure it would have mattered. If I reflect on anything over the next week, I’ll be sure to let you know. I’ll get to Disneyland in a little bit, but there are a couple of nuggets I feel I need to get to first. I know I often struggle with chronicling the mundane events of my life, and whether or not this should be used as a way of sharing little spots of wisdom I’ve gained, as opposed to my calendar in written form. But, it’s been becoming clear to me that the head space I’m in when these events happen, color what thoughts I have. What’s going on in my life has direct impact on what I’m thinking of at the time. So, in those instances, knowing what I’m going through at the time, is essential if I, or you, should wish to have more understanding.

     I’m not sure if I told you, but both my bands, the Eruption, and the Calvins, were scheduled to play a mutual friend’s birthday party last Saturday. He was turning 50, he wanted it to be a big deal, which I get. Last Thursday night was supposed to be Eruption practice. The guitar player and I got to practice a little early. We were standing around, he was having a smoke, and we were talking about shitty drivers. He recently started a new job, down in Chula Vista. It’s about a 20–30-minute drive from where he lives, even without much traffic. We were talking about traffic patterns in different areas, and how frustrating it can be, when all of a sudden, my phone rang. It was our drummer, he was on the side of the road, and had just been involved in an accident. My mind was blown! He was okay, but he wasn’t going to make it to practice, and didn’t think he was going to be able to play the birthday party. His car was crumpled, and at that point, he was not sure about the condition of his drums, which were in the car. Over the course of the next few days, we learned his car was totaled, his drums were okay, but he has whiplash, and is out for a while. Bummer. We did not play the party, but the Calvins did. It was fun. Not really the crowd we were expecting, but it was a cool setting, and a great vibe. Sometimes house parties with punk bands attract cops, but that was not the case. We played in the afternoon, so it was a little hot, but we did good. In the videos, we sounded great, it just looked like we were playing to no one. We were out of there by 7. Our drummer was concerned that day because his dog was at the hospital, and they weren’t sure if it was going to make it. He was optimistic, but we could tell his mind was other places.

     The next day my wife and I had a wedding to go to. We don’t really know the person that well, but she seems to really like my wife, so we went. I think we only knew 5 other people there. The location was beautiful, the food was good, there was an open bar, and we had a good time. Nothing religious, it was just a nice, short, sweet ceremony, and then a party. There were a lot of douchey people there, I don’t think we’ll be making it far into that friend group. Tuesday band practice got cancelled. Apparently the dog had to go back to the hospital. The family was very concerned at this point. I’m not even really sure what was wrong with the dog, some kind of stomach problem. I just know he did express some concern about spending a lot of money if the dog was going to pass anyway. Maybe I should have written this all out before Disneyland! We drove up to Anaheim Wednesday night. We wanted to be able to get to the park first thing. Our daughter really wanted to go. She had won some tickets at work, and for whatever reason, was not able to find anyone to go with her. She asked us. I thought it was sweet, but every time I go to Disneyland, I feel like I’ve been there for the last time. It is not my jam anymore. But it meant a lot to her. She even paid! For my ticket, and the hotel room. I was stunned, and there was no way I could say “no.” I was glad to spend time with her. The two of them were as giddy as school children. The 3 of us hadn’t hung out in a while. She seemed to really need, and appreciate, it. I was overwhelmed by the feeling of: “This place is not really for adults.” It was our first time seeing The Galaxies Edge, the Star Wars themed land. That was cool, I felt like a little kid for a bit, they did a good job. But over-all, I think I’ve been to Disneyland for the last time. I don’t fit in the rides, I don’t like lines, heat, or children, and I’d rather do other things. While at the park yesterday, I received word that our drummer’s dog had gone on to her great reward. You’ll be missed Roxy. Wow, what a week! Now I need to recover.

Trimming Another Man's Bush

      Sometimes I feel like I should put more thought into what I’m going to write on here. After all, it is called Thoughts On Life. But then so many times I think I do know what I’m going to write about, and then I go on for three paragraphs about something I had no intention of going on about. That in turn makes me think that whatever I write, about the goings on of my life, are thoughts on life, so it still applies. I mostly only feel that I should put more thought in, when I’m sitting here looking at a blank screen, wondering what I’m going to say. Then once I get started, I’m on my way, and it either is going to come out eloquent, or rambling. I always hope for eloquent, but I read all of these, and I know that’s not always the case. I would hope to get better. I practice quite a bit. And, having stayed on track doing this for almost an entire year now, it would seem like I’d be getting better at maintaining at least a small little mental plan for what I have to say. But that doesn’t always happen. Or, perhaps I don’t know what I have to say until I start. Sometimes what comes out is a surprise to me. Often those are the ones I get most from, so maybe that’s why I don’t plan so much. I want there to be an air of spontaneity, this is not rehearsed, this is live. I often find when I try to go back and figure out what I was going to say, that I lose my concentration. Which is a bit of a bummer, because then I have to start again. And I fear that those are the times I can feel that it starts and stops, instead of having a smoothness to it. I also wish I could refrain from caring about the corrections Word thinks I should make. The little error lines need fixed.

     I could go back and fix them later, but they call to me like a Siren. Often times, I’ll go back to make a correction, and lose my whole train of thought. That is unpleasant. Especially when I think I’m on a good one. Some of us, I guess, just feel the need to fix things. Like, for example, my neighbor. I’ve been living next to him and his wife for 3 and a half years. We have a relatively large, viny type plant on the border of our property. It often yields these bright yellow flowers, which my wife and I love. The viny plant itself, I’m not in love with. It gets out of control sometimes, and makes it difficult to get in, or out, of our car, since it is basically the wall to our carport. So, every couple of months I have to take it down. Most of the yellow flowers grow out towards the front of our home, and doesn’t impede anyone or anything, so I let it go while the flowers are still blooming, and take it down when they’re dormant. I thought they’d be dormant soon. Apparently, they were bothering my neighbor. Technically, I think the plant is on my side. We have a fence between yards, and the plant is on my side, however, there is no doubt that it goes on to their side. I would obviously have no problem with them cutting the plant that is on their side. It is, after all, a viny plant. It was there when we moved in, and I’m not sure what arrangement they had with the previous owner, but it has never come up until now. I heard a strange noise yesterday, and when I looked out to see what it was, my neighbor was cutting down all the yellow flowers growing out towards the road. He had some electric tool, and was just mowing them, so that they didn’t stick out past the fence. But he even cut the ones that were sticking out in front of my yard!

     I thought that was so bizarre. By the time I knew what was going on, it was too late to do anything about it. I want to be a friendly neighbor, so I didn’t really want to confront him about it, he’s an older guy, and I don’t really care. I just thought it was weird. He almost kind of did me a favor, because I was going to do it in a couple of weeks anyway, but still. No conversation?! How do you just decide to cut down someone else’s bush?! My wife and I really liked seeing those flowers when we came around the corner. We’ve got this pop of color that no one else has, and for this guy to take that away is just astonishing. Plus, why now? 3 and a half years and nothing like this has ever happened. I’m dying to know. Well, not dying, but terribly curious. It seems so random. Plus, we thought they looked good! It made us happy! It’s so strange. I don’t want to get the HOA involved. I don’t want to start a conflict. But I just can’t see: A) How this was bothering him, and B) What makes him think he has the right to cut back my side? Maybe it had been digging at him for years, and he had finally had enough. I don’t know. I can’t wrap my mind around it. We are usually friendly. We wave and stuff. Although there was this time, I thought he was tossing his cigarettes over into my carport. I was about to have a confrontation that time. I found a cigarette butt on top of my car! With the ash trail, you could clearly tell where it came from. But at that time, I gave him the benefit of the doubt, maybe he had a gardener over that did it. I didn’t want to get into his face, if it could have been another explanation. But now seriously: WTF?

That's Why We Have A Spare

      My glasses broke. I have them taped together with a skewer for support. It’s the left arm, where it attaches to the actual frame. It feels weird to have them on. It’s been a couple of weeks now. I had them together with just a piece of tape, but today, that no longer worked. I only really need them for working on the computer. I probably should use them any time I read, but I usually have them near my laptop, and am often too lazy to go get them. But working without them is also not good. So, I’m dealing with it. However, it is getting to the point that I’m going to have to do something about it. I know there are some cheap deals out there for glasses. But these are really nice. Progressives. I have some “beaters” I keep with me when I’m on the go. They only help if I’m reading something right in front of me, like a menu or something. If I look up while wearing those, it’s worse than my regular vision. That’s why I like the progressives, I can look up and see good too. Although, walking around wearing them is a little odd. Different things in different focus makes navigating a bit troubling. I usually take them off if I need to move around. I thought my new reinforcement would help, but this is the second time I’m using them today, and I can already tell, it’s not going to last very long. It wouldn’t usually be that big of a deal, but we just had to get our car fixed, with another one still needing repair, plus our camping trip, not to mention our anniversary a couple of weeks ago, we’ve been spending a bit of cash recently, and I feel it pushes new glasses to the bottom of the pile. I can use my “beaters” if it gets down to it. Although I do have concern that using them more often may cause them to no longer function the way they once did.

     Our camping trip was pretty cool. We got up there last Thursday evening. We went to San Clemente state park. We go there every year. Sometimes twice. It’s a little over an hour from where we live. Usually that hour is no big deal, but taking that trip in a car you don’t have much confidence in makes it sketchy. I was a nervous wreck most of the trip. I really got nervous when we were in stop and go traffic. I don’t want to break down in the middle of the road. Especially when it’s “rush” hour traffic. As we got closer to our destination, I began to calm down, and realize that we were going to make it. It really didn’t give me any trouble. I realized I may have been overacting. It’s sometimes hard to tell. That car has a Tire Pressure Light that’s always on, and there’s no problem with the tire pressure. I had to remove all of the interior lights, because the computer thinks one of the doors keeps opening. It would kill my battery because the interior lights would be on all the time. So, it’s hard to tell if these problems are real or not. I recently took it to my mechanic, and he referred me to a transmission specialist. That made me nervous. I had the transmission replaced 6 or so years ago, so I’m hoping it’s not a big deal. It’s just difficult to try to figure out the logistics of getting cars where they need to be while maintaining a fairly full schedule. So, I risked it. And, after getting there and back safely, I am a lot less nervous now. On the way home my nervousness was already down quite a bit. No traffic helped. We got my wife’s car to the shop this week, and so I’m finally starting to feel like we’re getting control over some of these things. Which is nice. I don’t like being nervous all the time. I’m trying to live a peaceful existence.

     Camping was a little strange at first. As mentioned, we got up there on Thursday evening. My guitar player, who introduced us to the group, didn’t get there until Friday afternoon. We’ve been camping with these people for about 15 years, and it still felt kind of weird without our friend-in-common there. I’m not sure if anyone else felt that way. Most of them have been friends since high school. I did not feel like we were treated differently, so it all might be in my head. Actually, now that I think about it, I had some conversations that might not have been had if my guitar player was there. Not really “because” of him, but since he’s the friend-in-common, and he’s an outgoing person, he’s often a focal point. The RV people usually spend their time in the RV, so in a way, it was kind of mellow. We had good weather Friday, but Saturday things got nuts. Winds so hard we had to take the pop-ups down. Which kind of sucked because it was raining too! No shelter! The RV people were fine, but we didn’t get one invite. I know they’re kind of small, and there were a lot of us, but it seemed strange to not be offered refuge. Saturday was also the day for our big potluck, so the storm made us nervous whether it would even happen or not. I’m not sure if I told you or not, but this year’s theme was Souplantation. Everyone has been missing them since they shut down, so they wanted to re-create it for our trip. At first, I thought the idea was a little lame. Camping is about grilling! But there were so many cool things to put on my salad, it really was like I was at Souplantation! Someone made Clam Chowder, and I made Chicken Tortilla Soup. I’m not bragging, but mine vanished! It was delicious. And people let me know. My whiskey was also a big hit. People were loving it. I might have to make more for people. Yay, my creativity is paying off!