Necessary Umph

      Well, I just spent a good 15 minutes trying to figure out how someone might actually find this online, and it turns out they wouldn’t. I guess without me sending them the link, no one will stumble across this. That may be a good thing. Although, I will have to say, it’s a little bit of a bummer. I don’t even know how I can read other people’s blogs on the same site. It’s a tad confusing. They say: “Once something’s on the internet, it’s there forever.” Yeah, maybe, if you can find it. Oh well, like I’ve said before, I’m not really trying to get this more popular. I started off a few minutes ago just wondering what I wrote last week, and was hoping for a different way to be able to find out. What a bust! I did however find out that I work for a clothing company in Orange County. I wonder how much they’re paying me. I wonder how long until they notice that I haven’t done anything. I still can’t get over that I have a domain name that can’t be found. Peculiar. I guess it doesn’t matter. I suppose there’s a certain level of safety wrapped around that bit of anonymity. Not that I would ever want to hurt someone’s feelings, but as I’ve said before, I am not a good judge about what another person would be offended by. I heard some saying earlier today about “not being able to tell the truth if you’re worried about offending someone.” It may have been from Thomas Paine. I think about that often. These days it seems like people are just going around looking for things to be offended about. Trying to tread lightly, so you don’t hurt anyone’s feelings is exhausting. I understand we need to be a little more sensitive to other people’s point of view, but there has to be some kind of line we can draw. The fact that our viewpoints differ shouldn’t offend.

     I like being honest. I think that’s about all we have. And I have a little difficulty tiptoeing around when the truth I have to speak is in contradiction to what I’m being told. I also have difficulty trying to maintain a calm face, and tone of voice, when I’ve reached my limit of trying to be polite. I hold understanding in high regard as well. To me the whole point of communicating is to draw a deeper understanding. A deeper understanding of my own point, and the point of the other person. It gets frustrating when the other person does not share that regard. At a certain point, I get fed up trying to understand someone with no point. Try it sometime, when someone is talking to you, and you’re not really sure where they’re going, and you’re confused if they know where they’re going, just ask “what is the point?” Watch their face. It’s usually hilarious. Especially if you’re right. I will offer that if they do have a point, you asking to know it won’t hurt the situation. Obviously, clarity was needed, and they’ll usually gladly get to the point. It’s just painful sometimes. A couple of weeks ago, the guitar player for the Calvins was trying to tell me what I was playing. I thought it was weird, since I was playing the same as I had been for weeks, and had only been playing those notes because that’s how he thought it should go. Then for him to tell me that I changed it, and was trying to tell me what I was doing, got under my skin. It got a little heated. I don’t take shit from people, especially people that don’t seem to know what they’re talking about. I play consistent to avoid these exact problems, don’t come at me bro. He apologized the next day. This week at practice, he admitted he had no idea what he was talking about, and that I was right.

     I keep having this phrase enter my head: “I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed person.” The problem is that most of the time they don’t know that they’re unarmed, so they just keep pushing. It’s terribly annoying. I get stuck in this situation between feeling we should just let it go, and feeling that perhaps with a little more umph, I can get them to see the light. However, usually that extra umph comes with a louder voice, and sometimes a less cheery tone of voice. When that happens, they usually just respond to the intonation, and what we were actually talking about is no longer important. That’s when I can tell that they didn’t really want a conclusion, they were just talking. Talking does not necessarily mean communicating. We record everything, and I was able to go back and listen to the “conversation.” I had felt bad afterwards. Like I said earlier, I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings, and I tried as long as I could before my sass came out. But it did come out. And I was worried that I was too harsh. So, when I listened to it the next day, I was actually surprised how long I was able to maintain. It wasn’t until the 5^th or 6^th time that I was told I was changing everything, that my voice started to go up. After listening, I thought I didn’t react too badly, and it wasn’t as explosive as I thought the day of. And I was glad how many times I tried to explain myself peacefully. So, I let it go. No grudge. After all, I knew I was right. And now we all know. The timing of the whole thing is just a little weird, because we’re recording this weekend. A few days before our last recording, the same type of thing happened, and we almost broke up, because I think we should be better prepared. Not a trend I’m very fond of.