Well, the friend I was talking about last week finally went on to become part of the Universe. We got news Tuesday afternoon, that he had passed. His name was Eric. A lot of people liked him. There are so many social media posts! He touched a lot of people. I’m not sure how to respond to the posts. I feel weird “liking” something that’s kind of sad. I feel weird using the “sad” emoji, because as sad as I am that he’s no longer with us, I’m glad people are remembering him fondly. I suppose the “care” emoji would be most appropriate, because I do care. But at the same time, hovering over the image deciding which emoji to pick isn’t really my thing, despite what you may be reading now, especially when I just want to let them know I saw and appreciated their post. I “liked” some, and “cared” for others. Mixing it up is one of my things. In a way, it’s kind of sad that this is what I’m sitting here thinking about. 1st world problem. Anytime I think about that phrase: “1st world problem,” I usually realize how silly what I’m thinking about is. Some people don’t have access to water today, and I’m nervous about my emoji use. What are we coming to? I do appreciate everyone’s kind words. I’m glad a friend of mind had so many great caring friends. I had already stopped seeing him regularly. Once we moved, plus with the pandemic, we stopped seeing a lot of the people we used to see regularly. He was one of those, so it’s not like his loss affects me on a regular basis. Plus, I feel that knowing ahead of time that this was coming, kind of helped lessen the blow. I feel bad for his son, and his mother, but I’m not generally sad, because I feel grateful that his suffering is now over. And it’s a little weird to feel like that.
Dealing with multiple deaths in the past
few months makes it quite difficult to stop thinking about it. People are
talking about it. Sometimes I’m afraid to answer the phone! This recent death
cluster, my lifelong fascination with death, and the fact that I’m not getting
any younger, is really keeping the topic in the forefront of my mind. I already
think that all the crap we have to deal with on a regular basis is a daunting
unfriendly task. Thinking about how we spend our little time left is of utmost
importance. I suppose these events help us put that into perspective. We can go
at any moment. We can’t take anything with us. Living a downsized, more
fulfilling life, seems the best way to go. However, capitalism does not seem to
agree with that philosophy. I’m sure there are a lot of people who enjoy what
they do, but I’m equally sure that there are probably many more who do not. And
it pains me to go out into the world seeing, and interacting with, all of these
people who look like they’re not enjoying there time here on Earth. We’ve got a
lot of cool stuff, and we have amazing things we’re capable of, and yet I hear
a lot of talk about mental health, and anxiousness. It doesn’t seem possible.
There are people with almost nothing, they have to hunt for food, they have to
walk a mile for water, how can we with everything be so sad? The only answer I
can come up with is: “our system.” Something about our system makes people feel
worthless. And I think it kind of sucks when you go through an event like this,
and start thinking about these things, only to realize that it’s almost not
possible to be living the life we should. You can enjoy a little more, stress a
little less, and try to live in the moment more readily. But, when it comes
down to it, all you’re really doing is adjusting your values to help lessen the
pain of being in a profit-based system.
I know there are plenty of people out
there who will tout our system as the best. Maybe the best so far. But I like
to think about what’s next. I can not believe this is the best we can do. I
know this won’t last forever, and I also know that I probably won’t be around
to see the changes I’d like to see. Which again, leads more towards this idea
of finality. I don’t consider it sad, or depressed, to think these things. I
think of it as contemplative. If we don’t take the time to realize, and think
about our own demise, then we’re not really living. The end makes the middle
important. Without contemplating our end, it’s hard to know what really matters
to you. The terminus gives us power. The fact that we don’t know at what point
this event will occur, should inspire us! If you knew you only had a day, what
would you want to do for the next day? That’s what you should be doing then. We
should be living each day as if it was our last. Although some of us would then
be doing the same thing every day. Maybe not helpful things. The pandemic led
to a lot of creative things, but it also led to a lot of binge-drinking and
drug use. Also, as mentioned earlier, our system is not designed for people to
live everyday like it’s their last. Our system is kind of propagated on the
idea that you need to come make money for me tomorrow. The other thing that’s
been spinning around my head is that our friend Eric knew his time was coming
and was too ill to enjoy what time he had left. That has got to be one the
greatest ironies that any of us should face, finally knowing how much time you
have left, and not being able to do anything about it. It’s an odd set of
circumstances, that we shall all face, and yet it still seems for some a scary
thing to think about.
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