Making Things More Interesting

      Wow, I almost missed this week. I totally spaced yesterday. I’ve been a little under the weather, so I’m not thinking straight. I’ve been sleeping a lot, and I just forgot. Luckily today I remembered, and found a little bit of time. I can’t believe tomorrow’s April! I must be having fun because this year seems to be flying. A third of the year gone. Wow! Anyway, back to the task at hand. The show I went to last week was pretty cool. There were a lot of people there. I got to shake lots of hands. That may be why I have the sniffles, but oh well. There’s another show tonight that I’m thinking of going to, although I’m not sure if I should. I’m mostly better today, I didn’t even take any meds today, so I think I’m over it. I wouldn’t want to spread anything, or catch anything else, but I’m not going to live my life in fear. The band playing tonight is a band that’s been playing around for a while. I’ve known them for a good amount of time. The bass player is the same guy that I went to see last weekend. I guess this is how it goes. Just keep showing up, shaking hands, and getting noticed. Supposedly the band I want to see tonight goes on at 7. That’s more like it. I can still get home at a reasonable hour. Getting old feels weird. Now I care about what time I get home, how long I’m out, and making sure I get home safely. I can’t really go for it the way I used to, or want to for that matter, because I want to be safe behind the wheel. Not very punk rock, but it’s important. I’m just glad I’m at a place in my life where I’m mature enough to control myself. I’m still having fun, and enjoy having things to do. I’m still myself, just a more subdued version.

     I’m kind of stoked because I have another comedy gig coming up. Next Thursday I’ll be performing again. I was glad I got the notice. The invitation was a bit more formal than they’ve been in the past. I guess they’re getting their stuff together. I thought it was cool that today I finally got confirmation. The confirmation came from a person that I’m familiar with, so I was glad to see it’s the same people. When I got the formal notification, I thought the group had changed leaders. Plus, all of the recent shows have been, and according to the website are going to continue to be, in the North County. Driving 45 minutes to perform for 5! Oh well, it’s not really about the 5 I guess. I almost didn’t sign up. Not only is Thursday usually prog band night, but I got a little butthurt by them. I’m pretty sure I told you that they had a showcase, at a real comedy club, for the graduation of one of their comedy writing workshops, and they didn’t ask me if I would perform. I felt left out. That was the second time. Then a month or so ago, it kind of happened again. I saw online that they were having a show, but it was the same Sunday that my punk band had a show, so I couldn't make it. But, I was still bothered that they hadn’t invited me. Then, come to find out, the director emailed me at 10pm on Friday night, to see if I wanted to perform at the show on Sunday. I felt like they were only reaching out because they didn’t have enough performers. But they did reach out, and that’s one of the only reasons I even considered performing with them again. I wasn’t even 100% sure I’d do it, because of band practice. But my bandmates have cancelled for the past 2 weeks, so I figured: screw it, I’m doing it. I want to perform comedy too.

     I strongly dislike when I feel like I’m acting petty. But I do sometimes, and hopefully, acknowledging it will help it on its way to coming to an end. That’s one of the reasons why I try not to use anyone’s names while I’m writing these. I wouldn’t want it to come up on some internet search and have someone reading it, getting offended by it, and causing some kind of unintended drama. But I do honestly feel like I’m not being offensive. And I honestly do feel like I’m not writing anything that can’t, or shouldn’t, be read. My bandmates shouldn’t have any problem with reading that I was bummed that practice got cancelled 2 weeks in a row. I’m not going to send it to them, but if they found it, it shouldn’t be a problem. But, for whatever reason, this thought keeps coming up. Usually only when it pertains to my feelings about a situation. This is about my feelings though, so why should it be avoided? I think I’m being delicate about it. I’m not overly concerned with offending anyone else. On paper I would tell you that I wouldn’t want to live my life in fear of offending people, yet here I sit, often concerned that I’ve said too much, or wrote the wrong thing. I suppose it’s good that I question whether or not I’m being a dick. I doubt actual dickheads are sitting around wondering whether or not they’re a dickhead. So I’ll probably keep questioning myself, all the while trying not to let it stop me from being me. Who am I to know what someone else will be offended by? That’s not on me, that’s on them, I’m just being honest. I think it’s coming up more now because I’m starting to sometimes feel that my vagueness may be making some of my posts hard to follow. I started writing that way to not spotlight anything, so I’m not writing a commercial. But I’m doing some cool stuff now, and perhaps adding some details would make the writing more interesting.

Entertaining A Whole New Group of People

      Starting early again, I like this trend. I’m not nearly as distracted today. The rain is pouring, and that’s a little distracting, but I can handle it. I think. It sounds like someone is cleaning my house with a power washer. I usually have the TV on for background noise, and I can barely hear it. Wow. So, last week I kind of got caught up in my topic, and feel like I kind of glossed over the show we had. And I feel I should mention that it was a lot of fun. We played very well, and the place was packed. It was a little hard to believe, because looking out into the crowd, it was like a small sea of people. I didn’t recognize anybody. Well, that’s not exactly true. We probably brought about 7-10 people. So, I recognized them. There were the guys from the other bands there, so I recognized them. That alone deserves its own mention: The headliners were there, the band from Oceanside was there, the band from Long Beach was there! It was unbelievable. A lot of times people just kind of show up just before they play, so they can miss the shitty bands that open. That was not the case in this situation. And I don’t know if it was just this particular group of bands, or if we had some buzz, but it felt good. Even if it wasn’t us, and they really do just show up for each other, I thought it was great. That is the kind of community that I would hope we’d want to be a part of. No band sucked, they were all good! That is rare. However, getting back to my point, there were a lot more people there that I didn’t recognize. A lot more. And the super trip was, there were people singing along. People we don’t know! Some guy came up to me afterwards and said I was the one helping him be able to sing along. I don’t even know what that means!

     Everyone had a good time, my daughter got off work early, and was able to check it out. It was a blast. And, as I may have mentioned last week, we got another gig out of it. The production company that books for the band from Long Beach, hit us up the very next day for a show in Long Beach in August! And, come to find out, they also invited the band from Oceanside that we played with! I can’t believe it. I know Long Beach is far, and we probably aren’t bringing anyone with us, other than significant others, but it’s awesome to be asked. My dream gig gets to happen again, on the road! This is so rad. They must have seen something in us. Or maybe “heard” is the right word? Anyway, it was awesome. And, to finish up, by the time the headliners went on, the venue was almost half as full as it was when we were playing. I kind of felt bad for them. They were awesome too, but the crowd was not there. I wondered if it was the time spot, or if we’re somehow getting the word out. Either way, it was awesome, and it seems like there’s more awesome on the horizon. We’ve agreed to play only about once a month, so we’re actually turning down gigs now! I’m not about turning down gigs, but I do respect, and understand, the other’s desire to do so. It just feels funny sometimes because the main “reason” that keeps getting thrown around for passing on gigs is that we need time to “work on new material.” We are working on new material, so I get it. But our set is half an hour long! It doesn’t take up so much time at practice that we don’t have time to write “new material.” Alas, I am a support character, and if people want to wait for “good” gigs, then we shall. It’s just weird to be in 2 bands that don’t really want to play live that much.

     I guess I get it. People don’t want to be out late, and it almost always costs us money to play. But still, it’s still fun to have something to do, something to look forward to. I’m at home a lot. The other guys have a much more active social life. When I get a gig, it’s like: “Finally, something to do.” I like having things to look forward to. I like to perform. I just still can’t get over that people are coming to see us that we don’t know. For a long time, we didn’t want to play that often because we thought our friends would get burn out and not come. Now, we usually play to a room full of strangers. Nothing wrong with that. It’s way better than playing to a room full of no one. I’m going this weekend to see a show with a few bands I know. Trying to keep this community feeling alive. I figure if they support us, we should reciprocate. Plus, I like going, and seeing live music. But a lot of times I feel kind of schmoozy, because I’m going just to go. I want to keep in people’s minds. I realize this is how it gets done, but I often feel like I’m being inauthentic. However, there are 3 bands playing this weekend that I really do want to see, and support. Plus, it’s an afternoon show, so that’s a plus. A chance to network without being out late, with bands I actually want to see, good stuff. Hopefully good will come out of it. I’m sure it will. It’s another group of active bands that’s good to be “in” with. On a side note, mentioning groups to be “in” with, I signed up for another comedy show in a couple of weeks. I was apprehensive, because I thought they were trying to shun me, but I decided “I want to perform,” and if they’re putting on shows I want to be a part. It’s in the North County, so hopefully I’ll be able to entertain a whole new group of people.

Season Of Change

      Taking a note from last week and getting started early. Although it may be a little tough to concentrate because the SDSU basketball game starts in 3 minutes. I’m not that big of a basketball fan, but when it comes to March Madness, I pay some attention. My wife and I always fill out a bracket, so it’s kind of fun to see how it unfolds. I’m not crazy about it, but I like being aware of what’s going on, and what people are talking about. I would root for SDSU regardless, but it’s good to see them in the Tournament. So I shall sit here and try my best to stay on task. My bracket is already busted! In the game that just finished, the 4-seat lost to the 13-seat! Damnit! 1^st day and we’re already out. Oh well, like I said, I’m not crazy about it, my day will still be fine. I did think about doing this tomorrow, since I don’t have band practice tonight, my tomorrow is open. However tomorrow is St. Patrick’s Day, and who knows what will happen. So I figured it best to just get it done, and stay on schedule. I’m happy about my decision. Although, tomorrow is a special day for me, and seems almost like a more appropriate day, I can still say everything today that I would have said tomorrow. I don’t really claim to be Irish. I have red hair, so people always assume I am, but I don’t identify that way. I once thought about getting my DNA print out, so I could prove I’m not Irish. But then if it said I was, I wouldn’t know what to say. So I sit blissfully in my ignorance, claiming not to be Irish. Tomorrow is special to me for a completely different, personal reason. As you may, or may not know, I used to teach Comedy Traffic School. I thought I found my niche, and wanted to continue, hoping to run it myself. But it closed on St. Patrick’s Day back in 2013.

     That was a tough blow. I kind of did it to myself, I am aware of that. I was basically running it myself anyway, the owner had moved, and I thought was phasing himself out. I thought I was taking it over. But it was getting dragged out. He kept being “unsure.” And I guess I can’t blame him, he was getting all the money! One of the reasons I was getting bummed out was I was doing all the work, and collecting all of this money, then putting it in his bank account. Why would he want to stop that?! So I wrote him a letter explaining how our new arrangement was going to work. He called me on St. Patrick’s Day and told me that he did not agree. We severed our relationship at that point and my life needed redefined. I had been teaching traffic school for 11 years! I thought I was good, and really started to like it. In the beginning it was kind of tough. 8 hours with a bunch of people who would pretty much rather be anywhere else. It took a few years to find my groove, but by the end, I thought I had a pretty good program. However, I knew it was declining. By the time it ended, there were more online traffic schools listed on the court documents than regular traffic schools. Apparently people would rather do it in their home on the computer, than sit in a crowded room with a bunch of unhappy strangers. I went from having about 100 students a week down to about 10. The writing was on the wall. I didn’t even realize it had been 10 years until I wrote the year earlier. I feel that the day I’m talking about is the marker of a huge change in my life, and to realize that was 10 years ago, is really hitting me right now. I had only taught a couple of classes a week for 11 years, and then, all of a sudden, I had to get a real job.

     Getting a new job was a bit of a challenge. Teaching Comedy Traffic School doesn’t really give you a bunch of transferable skills. Especially when you don’t really want to get a new job. We didn’t really have the money to open our own school, and I’m glad we didn’t. It was a dying business, and it’s better that I didn’t waste a bunch of money on a sinking ship. I did end up getting something I enjoyed, and learned some new, transferable skills, so it all worked out in the end. Covid would have killed it anyway, if it would have lasted that long. So It’s good that I got out when I did. Covid is another reason I count St. Patrick’s Day as a significant marker. St. Patrick’s Day 2020 was the first missed holiday due to Covid. I associate the nearly 2 year lockdown as having started on St. Patrick’s Day. At least that’s when it was like: “Holy Shit!” 3 years ago! That hardly seems possible. That is a significant marker. One we all share. Obviously not everyone had the same restrictions, but everyone in our friend group did. And regardless of where you were when it all began, I think we can all agree that the beginning of the pandemic was certainly a marker of a time of great change. My life changed immensely. Again. And once again, at around the same time. So I’m sure it’s not hard to see why I have a certain type of fondness for this time of year. I tend to associate it with Spring, and a time for renewal and change anyway, so it seems to fit perfectly with what’s actually going on. I can’t help but think about how much has changed. I can’t help but be thankful for what we’ve come through, and having the presence of mind to be aware of those changes. Last week’s show was so awesome. We killed it! People were singing along to our songs! And the very next day we were asked to play with one of the bands in Long Beach. Things have definitely changed!

Moving Things Around

      Trying to fit everything in can be challenging. It probably doesn’t help that I like to have the TV on for background noise. Sometimes that noise competes for my attention. Especially when it’s a cooking show specific to spicy food. I like spicy food, and am always trying to enhance my technique, and learn ways to incorporate the flavors I like, without killing myself or others. I used to be on a quest to find out how spicy I could go. But after too many times of the pain outweighing the reward, I have switched focus to things that taste good that have spice, as opposed to finding my tolerance. I’ve found it, mystery solved. Now I just want to enjoy food. Sometimes it’s weird for me to think about the idea that food really started off as only sustenance. In the beginning it wasn’t anything other than: “Eat or die.” Now it’s taken on so many different styles and flavors, it has really become an art form unto itself. I enjoy it. A lot. I’m not really a foodie, because that seems a little too snobby for me, but I do appreciate all of the choices we have, and am glad that we’ve risen above the need for mere sustenance. I’m always surprised at how many unadventurous eaters I meet. It seems like such a waste. It seems that some people haven’t tried anything new since they were a child. I can’t imagine that. I’m always a little weary about what other choices they’ve allowed their child-self to make. People walking around trying to experience life in real time, making the same decisions they’ve made since they were a child, would explain a lot. It might not necessarily help me deal with it any better, but it definitely might explain a few things. I think I’ll ponder that for a while. Yes, besides thinking, I also like to ponder. One of the greatest tragedies we face is that people don’t seem to think a conclusion, or solution, is even possible.

     Well, that’s not exactly where I thought I was going today, but hey, it happens sometimes. I do think all of those thoughts, and it is something I deal with in life, so it counts, and I’m leaving it. I may have just got a gem! That’s one of the best things about just going for it, you never know what you’re going to get. I thought I was about to get into how proud I am that I’ve started this so early. Usually I save this for the afternoon, but today I started at 10:30. I figured: “Why not?” I’ve been trying to figure out how to get to everything I need/want to get to. And the only way it really made sense is to get this done. And I am! I recognized a problem and am trying out a solution! That’s how it should be. A lot of times I feel that people want to talk about their problems but don’t seem to really want to do anything about it. It’s almost as if their problem is more of just a talking point for them, and not necessarily something they wish to overcome. Sometimes I feel like it’s almost like a friend to them, they wouldn’t know what to do without it. I keep working on this idea that if I practice solving little problems, I will eventually get better at solving problems, hence, when a larger problem arises, I will have enough “tools” in my “tool bag” to get close to a solution that’ll work. When I see/feel these things in action, I get a sense of accomplishment. And I know it may seem inconsequential, after all, I’m not curing cancer. Yet! But I do think it’s important that we reward ourselves along the way with feelings of accomplishment. It is okay to be happy that I made a change that has helped me get done what I want to get done. Little steps towards the grander goal, that is the key, even if you’re just trying to squeeze in a shower.

     I feel like I’m getting some good ones out today. Here I am at the third paragraph, and I haven’t even gotten to what I thought I was going to get to. And that’s also okay. It’s actually preferred! I had an epiphany last night, and I find myself wondering right now if that is the reason that the ideas/words just seem to be flowing out today. I would always rather things flow than me sit here and ramble, hoping that some semblance of an idea sneaks out. I do like to keep you posted, but this really is supposed to be more of a “thought share” than a chronological report. There are times however, that what’s going on in your life has a direct impact on the kinds of things you’re thinking about, what you feel is important, and where you’re at mentally. I’m excited! I’ve got a huge gig tomorrow. I honestly feel that I manifested this gig. This is a dream line-up. 3 of the best punk bands in Southern California are playing with us! I know it’s a small venue, and I know that there aren’t really any touring acts involved, but still, for us, meaning all the bands involved, this is a big deal. If I had written down my ideal line-up, there’s only one band I would change. That’s epic! And it all happened organically. That’s what really inspires me, there wasn’t a lot of effort, this all kind of just happened. My dream is coming true. Tomorrow! That’s one of the reasons I have to kind of move things around. I have to get my stuff tomorrow, so that cuts into my day. Usually I take care of my grooming needs on show day, but I won’t really have time tomorrow because of other things that need done. So I’m just moving things around to be able to fit in everything I want done. I hate stressing on show day, I like to save my energy for the show!

Going In The Appropriate Direction

      Progress! I have given myself extra time today. I like when I remember something from week to week. Thought and action, that’s the way I prefer things to go. So many times, it can be so easy to have a thought and dismiss it, or simply not act on it. This is a step in the right direction. You can’t have too many of those. I like the feeling of going in the right direction. Or at least my perceived “right” direction. It’s actually one of my mantras. Although in my mantra I say/think “the appropriate direction.” I find it interesting that “right” is the opposite of “left” and “wrong.” I think that makes things confusing. Especially when you’re trying to eliminate the whole “right/wrong” idea. It seems to me that it’s not until you attempt to eliminate the “right/wrong” idea that you become aware how ingrained the idea is in us. I suppose it will be a lifelong endeavor. Although, perhaps it’s better to say: “a rest of life endeavor,” considering that I have not thought this way most of my life, and am, in fact, trying to retrain myself. Now I try to think in terms of “better” or “more helpful.” However, no matter how you label it, one is more desirable than another. That automatically creates division. There doesn’t seem to be a way around it. But I’ll keep trying. There definitely seems to be something beneficial about the idea that becoming aware of the fact that “different” doesn’t mean “wrong,” can help you navigate the world from a more comfortable place. It is unfortunate that we do not seem to be on the same quest for that understanding. It’s something I deal with on a regular basis: knowing full well that a lot of people, I mean a lot of people, are walking around barely thinking at all, and continuing to be frustrated by the fact that this is our reality. The worst part is: some people seem to think that thinking is the problem.

     Oh well, I guess we’re just supposed to focus on the “positive.” Another thing we can disagree on. Whoa, that didn’t sound very positive. As I said, it’s a work in progress. As far as positivity in my life right now, things are going well. Last week we went to a show. There were 3 bands playing. And, all 3 bands contained members of a now defunct band that a lot of us used to like. It was being billed as: “the closest we’re ever going to get to seeing the old band we liked.” There were all kinds of rumors that it was actually going to be a reunion show, and that our favorite old band was in fact going to close the night out. A bunch of people planned on going. I say “planned” on going because they didn’t actually all make it. Once again, the attack of the olds. There were a lot of people there, which is why I’m glad we went. We ran into a lot of people we knew, and it seemed fitting that we were there. My old drummer was actually in the first band, of which I was unaware, and hadn’t seen him in a while, it was nice. We ran into a couple of other friends, and it seemed like it was a good place to be. However, there were a lot of old people there. Now, I am aware that I am in that group. Although I don’t necessarily think I feel, or look, that way, I know it’s true. No young people were coming out to see those bands. I guess I can’t say that I blame them. None of the bands were that good. They are all relatively new, they’re playing music that most “young” people probably aren’t that fond of, and most people, especially the “young,” probably never heard of the band we had all hoped to see. I can’t really blame them. Although it did kind of drive home the fact that “our music,” doesn’t really have that much of a draw.

     The band we had hoped to see never played. It was all just rumors. We had fun, we made connections, and we supported local music, so it was “positive.” On Sunday my punk band played. It was cool. It was a 5pm show, which is great. It had been raining for about a week, and that was our first dry, sunny day. It was fun. It was put on by a group we had played with before. They regularly put on shows, so it’s a good group to be associated with. We went first. It was a pretty decent crowd. There were quite a few people there that we expected to see at the “reunion” show Friday night. When they heard that it was not in fact a “reunion” show, they were glad they hadn’t gone. Oh well, I guess it’s better, especially for us, that they showed up to our show. Too many shows in one weekend? Attack of the olds. They got to see us rock, so that’s “good.” We played well. People were rocking out. There’s something special about looking out into a sea of phones pointed at you. Sometimes I wonder if they’re going to ever actually watch these videos they take. I thought it was cool, on Friday night, the lead singer of the first band came up to my wife afterwards and told her that she was her focal point, because she liked looking out and seeing her smiling face. I’ll take smiling faces over non-emotional phones any day, but you take what you can get. I don’t usually look directly at the crowd anyway. We got a bunch of media response after the show. That feels good. Our drummer handles all that stuff. He kept asking me if I knew the people who were posting. I didn’t. People are just starting to like us. It’s definitely cool. And now, one week from tomorrow, we have a huge show. Probably one of the biggest shows we’ve ever played. I can’t wait! Lastly, I get to rock with my prog band tonight. So, all is definitely well.