Disinviting

      It's hard to concentrate right now. If I had written this yesterday, it would have been totally different. I could have too. But I decided not to rush it. By the time I had time, which I did, I convinced myself that I may be cutting it close, and didn't want to have to hurry to get it done. Maybe I'll start looking at the time more often, just to see how long this actually takes. Funny thing when you don't have to clock in or out, you don't look at the clock so much. When I was working an actual job, even my stomach began to know when it was “break” time. My distraction today stems from my punk rock band. I'm not even sure how much I can/should say. I'm not sure it really matters since, in case you haven't noticed, I do not have a lot of readers at this time. At this time I don't even broadcast this, I'm still just practicing. If people read this now, I'm not sure how they found it. I'm glad they did. Welcome! So I'm probably apprehensive about nothing. Which, I have read often, is usually the source of a lot of apprehensions. Plus, I'm not intending to say anything untruthful. But sometimes the truth is painful to those who do not know what it is. Also, it may make me look bad as a person. Although, I really don't care what people think about me, and am totally fine with my decisions, and the outcome. But as I said, who'll know? I doubt they'll ever see this. But there's always that little feeling in the back of the brain “what if...?” People say once something's online, it's there forever. I, however, happen to know that is not actually true. I used to post these on Myspace, and I promise you, they can not be found.

     Oh well, if this ever does get “out,” I hope the readers of the future will realize I followed my instincts, I meant absolutely no ill will towards anyone, and I am just being honest. Here's how it all began: A few months ago the drummer in my punk rock band informed us that we'd be having a show tomorrow 3/19/22 with 2 other moderately popular local bands. I was a little bummed because I have another band, I'll call my prog band, and when the 2 play together, we get quite a good size crowd. I thought it was the fact that we were together that drew the crowd. We have similar social circles, and it always just seemed like people were more likely to come if it was both of us, in a sense killing 2 birds with 1 stone. Well, I got a little butt hurt when my prog band wasn't even included. Not even asked! I thought we were all in agreement. What's worse is I had been kind of courting these other 2 bands to play with my prog band. I think it would be a much better fit sonically. So somehow, he did this all kind of behind my back, which made me a little bitter. So I decided, in the name of science (I generally follow scientific theory) that I would not publicize this show. I wanted to see if, in fact, it does make a difference who is putting the show together. There seemed to be a good size buzz, so I didn't really feel bad for it, and do not think anyone noticed. However, deep down, I kind of felt like people were going to see that it was our bands that had the draw, not just the punk band. So far only 23 people interested.

     Then today happened. A little over an hour ago my phone started blowing up. Apparently there was some confusion when the gig was set up as to who's gig it was. Our drummer told us it was our show, hence we're inviting these other 2 bands to play with us, hence we get to pick our spot. We always want first. These days everyone wants first! Well at least in our demographic. So now, local band A says they're first or not playing. What's more, they say that it was their gig to begin with, and somehow our guitar player snuck us onto the bill, calling him some kind of middle man. This is all very confusing. To add to the confusion, band A says band B is not playing last either. Which means that if we want to play, we'll be going on last. That means Midnight! At our own gig! We would never accept a gig that late, unless it was national footage or something. So now, after a few heated text exchanges and conversations, we bailed. We offered to play second, and they were not having it. I don't know what the actual truth is. I'm sure a lot of it has to do with lack of communication. We've been working up to this for months! And now we walk. Gotta have principles I guess. Now I'm not sure if our gig got snagged away from us, or if there was shady shit going on from the start. To me it seemed jacked from the start. And now it is not a thing. It's alright, we have other gigs lined up. But to me, it has this weird feeling of “did I somehow know not to get involved?” I had a sense about this show from the jump, and now it's cancelled. They have to disinvite all these people, and I'm like “is this coincidence or prognostication?”