Quoting Yourself

     Yes, two weeks in a row! On time! Making an effort, and keeping your mind on the prize really is helpful. I know it seems cliché, but it really is important. And, as I make my transition from thinker to doer, it seems as though if I'm not mindful of what it is that I want to accomplish, then what I accomplish is less than I expect. It's a tough nut to crack. I wrote a song a few years back with a line about the very thing: “ I think I'm starting to get the point, I just wish I didn't learn the hard way. The worst part is, I think I may be part of the problem.” Nothing quite like realizing it's all on you to push the necessary buttons. Hopefully. Sometimes when you learn there's no one else to blame it's liberating, motivating. And sometimes it just makes you want to curl up into a ball and wait for Jesus. I don't normally quote myself, but I feel like I've been doing it a lot more recently. I mean everything I say, so why not quote me? They're my words, my thoughts, I'm allowed to use them! I just feel weird prefacing it with “This song I wrote...” I probably won't stop. It may feel weird, but it's still true. Also, I use a lot of other song quotes that I didn't make up, and I always say “It's like that one song that goes...” Sometimes the only examples we have are other examples, and hey, if someone else has a better one, I'll use theirs. I won't even take credit for it! But I have found, honestly, that I've been quoting myself a lot more recently. I think it has to do with content, and context. I've been feeling this way for a while now. And recently it just seems that a whole lot more real life examples are coming my way.

     I want to be quotable. I hope I say things that stick in people's heads. I wish to put things in a way that people respond to, and perhaps make an example of. I notice it sometimes with certain people. My daughter and my sister seem to do it the most, but I've even heard my guitar player say a few times “Oh, it's like that one time when you said...” And they will quote me. It's like “Whoa, someone's listening!” Sometimes it makes me want to be a lot more careful with what I say, but most of the time it makes me feel glad that I did have an impact. My words were remembered! I really do try to say the right words for the person I'm speaking to about the conversation we are having. I put effort in. It is not always reciprocated, but, alas, that is a different topic for a different day. Today's topic is, well, I guess now that I think about it, looking at what's already been written, quoting yourself. I'm not sure many people do that. Maybe only writers could. Typical people might not be coming up with content to re-share. I hear a lot of people say things like “My momma always said...” I guess that's quoting, even though Momma may have never actually written the saying down. I get highly distracted when people do it with famous people regularly. “Well you know, it's like the Dalai Lama says, blah, blah, blah.” Like they want you to know how many books they've read. It was the worst taking my Voice Over classes. It felt as though none of the instructors could get through a sentence without name dropping some celebrity. “It's like Henry Winkler once said, blah, blah, blah.” Am I supposed to be impressed?

     It has really been haunting me this week. It's been a roller coaster, and now I'm not even sure if I have time. Here goes: My main band got two invitations to play in the last week. I felt it was divine! The kind of thing you hope for. Both got turned down! One was for a weeknight 4 months from now, and I got such a lack luster response I almost wanted to quit. I feel like no one wants to play shows. The drummer doesn't want to practice. And we don't generally seem to want to do any of the things that I think bands generally do. So I'm wondering “What the f*ck.” (Another song of mine:) “What are we doing?” “We can't put something on the calendar?” I had this whole imagination of quitting. So I was literally (well almost) flying around after last week's band practice, we had a great conversation, then getting two gig offers, it felt like things were all lining up. Then I get the reality slap. All the way down to “I guess I'll never see these guys again.” I talked to my punk bandmates, to see if they felt I was overreacting. It seemed like maybe a little. The punk drummer said book the show anyway, maybe they'll come around. All the while I'm having these negative thoughts, one of my newest song lines keeps playing in my head: “I don't want to give up so easy anymore.” It reminded me. Next thing I know, one of the shows is on! Mood brightens. Then I have an honest conversation with my guitar player. Mood brightens. I have to feel that the timing of this song with this situation is very apropos.