Give And Take

What a week. My hours have picked up, for which I am very grateful. But, finally having a day “off,” I now realize all that I'm not getting to while working. Give and take, give and take. I know, I know. But knowing it, somehow, doesn't make it any easier. Although, I guess it should. Like, for example, next week, I was moved back down to three days a week. A number I can handle. A number I'm starting to think I might prefer, if only the paycheck wasn't so...modest. However, I was called today and asked if I would like to work on a “Truck Run” for a day and a half. I jumped at the chance for two extra days of work! Plus, I want to be versatile, and I want them to know that I'm versatile, so I try not to turn down work. I really don't want to turn down “extra” work, especially when it's “extra” work that I was specifically asked for, by the powers that be. This could/should be a really good thing. Although in two weeks, when I've worked for 7 of 9 days, I may feel differently. But then, two weeks after that, when I get the paycheck, and have forgotten all the work that was done, I will probably feel differently still. Give and take, give and take. But that is kind of my point, all that I just described, takes me to the end of the month! I have already been informed that my June is booked solid with weddings, birthdays, and Stella Mae's play. Then, we get to July, with a few other birthdays, all within the first week, which is a good thing, because a few weeks after all of that, we leave for Alaska!

I sit here May the 7^th, but in reality, I can already see the middle of August! Kind of. It's bizarre. I am a planner, so it's a good thing I can see it. I really dislike things being sprung on me, unless, of course, they are fortunate. For example, Mother's Day is coming up. My Mom had this great idea that we'd all go out to brunch, then I could make her dinner. I like cooking. I really like cooking. But, I rarely, if ever, get to cook for people who are not Susan and Stella Mae. I used to cook for my family often when I was younger, so I was looking forward to the chance. I was geeking out on it. But, at the same time, I was having a little bit of trouble narrowing down what to make, and how it would happen. Then my Mom invited Susan's Mom, and Aunt. Then, in turn, Susan's Mom invited her boyfriend, who happens to be a chef. So, my quaint little dinner, for the 6 of my immediate family, whom I love more than anyone else in the world, turned into an actual dinner party for 9. I care for the three other people coming, so it's not that big of a deal. But, it put some kind of additional pressure on me. Cooking for 9, for some reason, feels like cooking for so much more than 6. However, in some way, it helped solidify everything. At first, as I said, I was having trouble narrowing down my options. I started stressing out when more people got added. But then, as if by some miracle, all of the dishes started falling into place. Now, by today, I'm all set, and am just excited about sharing it with everyone.

I guess sometimes a little extra pressure is needed for the flow to hit you. I can appreciate that. But when I have events planned on my days “off” it feels like I don't have any down time. Like this past Sunday. I had a meeting from 8-10 am. I had to wake up and be there, so it's not really “off.” Then we went to the Renaissance Fair all afternoon. I didn't feel like it was a day “off.” Apparently I'm going to have to tell you about that on another day. Now, I'm going to be busy all next Sunday as well. Even today, being my day “off,” I have been busy since I got up. Granted, it was doing stuff I wanted to do, but there is still no down time. Not on Wednesdays. I have it set up so that I don't have to go to “work,” but I have plenty to do. Give and take, give and take. And, as I write this, it seems clear that without the “busy-ness,” the down time would not be appreciated. After all, even on my days “off,” I fill it with things to do. I'm not even done with everything I wanted to do yet. I keep thinking about this line from a Tool song that goes: “Boredom's not a burden, anyone should bear.” I tend to disagree, but at the same time, hope he's being ironic, since I like him. I like being bored sometimes. I think it's important. It's a tough balance to be socially active, melding the hopes and plans of your own with the others' in your life. All the while trying to find time for yourself. Ironically, band practice just got cancelled for the second time in a row. And now I'm bummed that I have nothing to do. Give and take!

Daughn