Missing Traditions

      Last post of the year! I survived another Christmas! Not that my life is so daring that there was any question, but still, these days, I’m feeling we should be glad we survive any day. We were coming home Christmas Eve, from Susan’s mom’s house, and all of a sudden, up ahead on the freeway, we saw a CHP going back and forth across all lanes, stopping traffic. We were about halfway home. Next thing we knew, we were all stopped on the freeway. Then an ambulance came cutting through traffic. Then another police car. Then a tow truck. I was trying to make light of the situation, and calm my nerves, knowing there was nothing I could do. I commented that it was a good thing we didn’t leave a few minutes sooner, or we might have been caught up in all the action. It made us feel a little better. We were stopped for a good 15 or 20 minutes, then all of a sudden traffic started flowing again. Here’s the weird part: We never saw any accident. We never saw any remnants of a traffic accident. It was as if nothing had happened, they just stopped us for a bit, then let us go. We were a little shocked. It was either the fastest clean up of all time, or some other weird thing happened. Either way, for a moment there, we were happy to be stuck in traffic, instead of an accident. And, unfortunately, that’s where I’m at a lot these days. Not so much traffic, but grateful I got to my destination. So many “bad” things happen to people every day, and it feels a little silly to be glad that it wasn’t us today, but it wasn’t! You have to take your wins where you can get them, and if it boosts my gratefulness, just because I didn’t die on my way to where I was going, then I am thankful! Not everyone gets to say that today. It’s both sad and uplifting to think about. Maybe it’s not silly, not everyone makes it home.

     And there’s your weekly dose of Daughn the Downer! If that doesn't make sense, look up “Debbie Downer” from SNL, it was pretty funny. Sometimes I make jokes about it, and other times, unfortunately, I catch myself sounding like it. Although, I will say, in my defense, at the end of that last paragraph, I felt uplifted. Anything we can do to boost our gratefulness is good! Anything we can do to increase the beacon of thankfulness that emanates from our bodies, is a “good” thing. Like George Bailey, I’m glad to be alive! If that doesn’t make sense look up “It’s A Wonderful Life.” I know it’s old, but it still gets me every time! I didn’t realize that my wife had never seen it, so we watched it this year. I needed tissues. It’s funny how rewatching things as an adult changes the meaning of them, even though you know the movie hasn’t changed. We also rewatched the original Willy Wonka. It had been a while for me. So many more things made sense! I forgot it was a musical. I don’t know how, I guess I blocked that. We had fun. That was kind of our Christmas. We didn’t decorate this year. Not even for Halloween. Having no decorations makes you kind of forget that it’s all happening. It’s nice driving around and seeing other people’s efforts, but when there are no visual reminders in your own home, you can easily forget. I suppose we won’t “forget” next year. I’m grateful to know that we don’t do it out of “habit.” It’s one thing if you really love it, but I do think some people only do it because they’re “supposed” to. Taking a year off, I think we did miss the decorations. And, now we know. And, knowing is half the battle. If that doesn’t make sense, look up old “G.I. Joe” cartoons. Wow, I’m getting all kinds of nostalgic today. But, I guess that is part of the season: reflection.

     Having Christmas in the middle of the week is a little weird too. I’m sure the stores were crowded, but for people with “regular” jobs, did anything really get done Monday and Tuesday? What about today and tomorrow? I know I have trouble remembering what day it is. I almost put this off, but then I thought: What difference does it make if I sit around and do nothing for an hour tomorrow or today? Tomorrow my wife might get off early, that was the ultimate decider. Plus, there is a strong chance I’ll feel like doing something tomorrow, so today it is. Even though we didn’t decorate, now that the holiday is “over” the remnants are everywhere. It kind of looks like a bomb went off in here. I wasn’t feeling it today, but I’m not going to be able to stand looking at it much longer. Christmas was also a little weird in the celebratory category because of tradition. Now, I know I’m not the most traditionalist when it comes to some holidays. However, there are some traditions I have grown to care about. I feel that none of them really happened this year. Susan’s sister from AZ came with her brood. Even the husband came this time! It had been a while. He’s a Jewish guy, so I’m not sure how much they celebrate “Christmas.” Hell, I don’t know how much I celebrate “Christmas,” I’m mostly just celebrating winter and the end of the year. But Christmas Eve was unusual. No snacks. No holiday songs. Corned beef and cabbage, that seemed like it came from a package. Not a cookie! Christmas Dinner was a taco line! Not even good tacos. I don’t know what happened, but it really felt “phoned in” this year. Maybe a lot of us didn’t feel like “decorating.” It seemed like everyone’s biggest kick was when my nephew jumped into my lap to play for a bit. So many pictures of an uncle and his nephew!

The Last Few Updates

      Wow, doubling up on these things seems to be trending! But with only one week left, I think I got it! I’m sure a lot of people write more than 52,000 words a year, but I would bet far more people never even come close to that amount, so I’m taking that as a win! As I’m sure you can tell by reading these, it’s not always easy to fit it into a tight schedule. But I’m making it happen, even if it is just for my own sense of having done it. It takes effort, I have to make time for it, I consider that an accomplishment. Especially recently! I’ve had so much going on, it would have been easy to just let it go, but I didn’t, I stuck to it, that makes me happy. I can’t get a full 52 one year, and do less the next! I doubt I’ll do more, but I’m definitely not doing less. Last night, while I was trying to fall asleep, I kept having this feeling that I said too much about the cruise. I kept having this feeling that I should not have said so much about my parents, and aired their laundry. This is something that I keep going through, and am not sure what the “fix” is. I know I’ve expressed this sentiment before, but I’m still not sure how to reconcile it. I didn’t say anything untrue. I didn’t say anything to be mean. But still, as I was drifting off, I kept thinking that I shouldn’t have said all that I did. I had this feeling that maybe they would not have been too happy about it. Of course, no one is usually happy with their “ugly truth” being exposed. See, even after having typed that, I don’t know that I did expose an “ugly truth.” So, I have this dilemma. I’m allowed to express my feelings about things that I go through. I refuse to edit, because that’s not what this is about. However, I still battle with: How much truth is too much truth?

     Oh well, go for it, and see what happens. That’s my usual motto. It came to my attention while I was writing about the cruise that a bunch of band stuff had come up, without proper time to get into it. So, here is the update: Oh wait, speaking of updates, I want to finish up about the event we held for Josie. We agreed to close out the GoFundMe on the 16^th. I went and dropped the check off on Wednesday. She is out of the hospital, she is finally able to eat food again, and is in surprisingly good spirits. Not many tougher than her that I’ve met. The GoFundMe along with ticket sales to the show, and the raffle, came out to a grand total of: $10,050! Unbelievable. She had reshared the link just after getting out, and she got almost 2 grand in a week! Sometimes it is remarkable how kind and generous some people can be. I’m glad to have been able to help. I am in awe of stranger’s generosity right now. When we started the GoFundMe, I put the goal at $3,000. I didn’t know what to do, or what to expect. In the end, we raised $8,620! Almost thrice the original goal! I am stunned, and glad to know that I am only a few keystrokes away from so many kind people. It’s humbling to think about. I have the sniffles, and I have to keep getting up to blow my nose. It’s distracting. I’m trying to finish my thoughts before getting up, but sometimes it’s not possible. There are a lot of illnesses going on right now. It’s kind of spooky! I hope Josie stays isolated. I can’t imagine having to fight some of this crap with a new immune system. Sometimes I’m starting to feel that maybe I should go back to “Covid Protocol!” I didn’t get sick the entire lock down, now, every week it seems like there’s something else going around. It’s not fun, and it really is making me a little weary about where I go.

     Okay, now to the band stuff! Which I know you were excited about. Mostly good things. I probably won’t get to the “un-good” things because of what I mentioned earlier. Plus, time constraints. The Friday before we left on the cruise, the Calvins played the Tower Bar. It was cool. We played with a band called Gentroside, which I really like. The “Headliner” was alright. Some kind of rockabilly band from LA that didn’t bring anyone. For the first band there were about 10 people. We were looking at each other like: “Oh shit.” But then, for us, it went up to like 30. Then down to about 5 for the “Headliner.” It really felt like people came to see us. It felt good. The place was packed, and we didn’t even know who they were! That’s nice. The day we got back from the cruise, the Hustlers had a gig. When we left for the cruise, we were supposed to open, i.e. 8. However, while I was gone, we got bumped to last. Kind of a bummer, but oh well. Our phones didn’t really work on the ship while at sea, so I was kind of out of communication. Not that it would’ve mattered. Except that the Calvins got offered a gig at the Casbah for the 16^th. The Casbah is a big deal. Luckily, I got the messages in Catalina so I could confirm in time. They said there’d be at least 100-200 people. That did not happen. But we got to play the Casbah. Back to the Hustlers: Even though we went last, we still had the majority of people. Most of the people that came to Deano’s that night, came there to see us. It felt good. Monday, it was a “private event,” for someone’s birthday. We do not know them. There were probably 40-50 people. Almost all of which stayed outside, “smoking,” for the first two bands. But then, when we came on, it was like the gates had just opened, and all of a sudden there were people!

Should've Been Friday The 13th

      Man, it feels like forever since I did this. It’s only been two weeks, but still, it feels longer. I had every intention of doing this last Friday, but with lack of sleep, and a gig that night, I decided to rest. We had to be out of our stateroom by 8am. Our luggage wouldn’t be to the pick-up point until around 9:30 am. That’s a lot of down time. We had to wake up early to be out by 8. Plus, as usual, we stayed up way too late. Hence only giving us a few hours of sleep. Luckily, we left LA right in the sweet spot, and were home in 2 hours. I thought I might sleep on the ride home, but that didn’t happen. My sister was driving. We had quite a bit to talk about. Also, I always feel bad sleeping when someone else is driving. Maybe if it was on a really long road trip, but in general, I feel the company does a driver good. We talked about our parents mostly. 55 years of marriage, and they still don’t seem to be able to navigate things together that well. I would think after that much time, people would get “good” at it, but they’re not. It seems like perhaps their coping skills got set some time ago, and they just never updated them. I feel lucky because I don’t have to experience it that much. My sister on the other hand, is immersed in it. She even shared a room with them on the trip! I can’t imagine. My mother wasn’t feeling well the whole time, and barely left their room. It’s kind of sad. I think she wants to do things, but there’s always something holding her back. This time it was her back, sometimes it’s her knees. Regardless, there always seems to be some kind of reason why she can’t participate in life. Unfortunately, I don’t see things getting “better.” Miracle cures are fantasies of the ill, and loved ones.

     The cruise itself was alright. It was a little hectic when we got on board because everyone boarded the ship before we could go to our staterooms. So, thousands of people were just crowding the common areas. It was a zoo! The buffet was open, and they billed it as a “welcome aboard lunch.” It was a nightmare. We finally found a seat, and we finally got some food. But, man, I almost lost my shit several times. Some people seem to have no sense of decency or common respect. I swear, it seemed like some of these people had never left the house before. I cannot comprehend being so clueless. It was as if I was in the Twilight Zone. “Picture a man, stuck in a crowd, with a bunch of people who’ve never been stuck in a crowd.” I’m glad I survived. That was the only time the buffet was that crowded. Thank goodness! We only really went to the buffet for breakfast after that. They had some good food. That’s one of the best parts of taking a cruise, the food! The first day we just kind of wandered around, seeing where everything was. My legs were a little sore after that, so I’m glad we eliminated places we didn’t need to go back to. For example: the children’s area! It seemed like the whole back of the ship was dedicated to children. Waterslides, wave machines, rock climbing wall, basketball courts, an arcade, they had a lot of stuff for the children to do. And it seemed like they were trying to get it all done before we even left port! It was a mad house. Naively, I assumed children would still be in school, and were not going to be as “present.” I was wrong! There were children running everywhere. I’m glad they did have an adult’s only pool area. That was relaxing. We didn’t go swimming, but we did take advantage of their huge whirlpools. I’m glad they didn’t let the children in.

     The entire second day, we just did circles in the ocean. Catalina, our first stop, is only about 45 minutes from LA. We didn’t pull in until Wednesday morning! I guess they have to be at sea to open the stores and casino, so we just floated around for a day and a half. I’m not much of a shopper, or gambler for that matter, so I don’t think I get the thrill that some people do. It was really kind of weird, as we just floated around, that if you don’t want to shop, gamble, or take part in any of their “events,” cruising is just getting drunk all day. Well at least it felt that way to me. We did take a class on making sushi. It was fun, and it came out really good. My mom was scheduled to attend, but I think I already covered that. We had a good group of people with us. It was just a little weird to be eating sushi at 10am! Catalina was a bit of a bust. We scheduled a glass bottom boat tour, but were informed upon arrival that it had been cancelled. So, we just walked around. My sister and wife had never seen it before, so at least they got the experience. It was kind of cold, and didn’t really feel welcoming. At least my sister got off the ship! It felt like part of the whole thing was that we could entertain my dad. Which we did, lovingly. He’s usually stuck with two “home bodies,” so he was glad to have people to do things with. In Ensenada, we went Tequila tasting. Technically Mezcal, which was awesome! We got to make our own lunch, it was like a cooking class, while we drank margaritas, it was so much fun. My wife and I took my dad. We had so much fun. It was nice to see him open up, a lot of times it seems like he’s just a shell waiting for the next time he gets yelled at. It’s kind of a bummer.

Birthday Math

      Today is my mother’s 75^th birthday! Luckily practice got cancelled, so I’m able to have dinner with her tonight. Just to be clear, I would have practiced. She knows that too. We’re going to spend a week with each other next week, so I thought it would be okay to miss the actual day. But now that I don’t have to, it feels good. 75 is kind of a big one. That’s one of the reasons she wanted to take the cruise. It’s weird because my daughter just turned 25, my sister just turned 50, and now my mom turned 75. It’s funny to think that my mom had my sister at the age my daughter is now. My daughter still seems like a little kid to me. Well, not little-little, but certainly not fully adult. I guess none of us ever are, we just get better at faking it. Or maybe not, I’m still not good at faking it. Sometimes I hear my “friends” talking about adult stuff, and I’m like: “Am I in an AARP ad?” I also find it interesting that my daughter just turned 25, and I just turned 52. We’ve always had this kind of cool number thing with us. 2 + 5 = 7. Obviously. But, next year she’ll be 26, and I’ll be 53. 2 + 6 = 8, and 5 + 3 = 8. It’s been that way forever. She turned 3 in ’02, I turned 30 in ’02. 3 + 0 = 3. Okay, that’s as far as I’ll go, I assume you get it, even though I know what that does to both of us. I just think it’s fun. Okay, maybe one more, just in case you tried doing the math. She turned 2 in ’01, I turned 29 in ’01. 2 + 9 = 11, then 1 + 1 = 2. Freaky! In ’29 she’ll be 30, and I’ll be 57. 5 + 7 = 12, then 1 + 2 = 3! I’m amused!

     One of the best parts about amusing yourself is not needing anything for it to happen. You’re rarely bored when you can entertain yourself. Luckily I can, and do, often. This cruise seems a little weird. We’re leaving on Monday and returning on Friday. Just a little week-long getaway. I’m not as excited as everyone else. I’m glad to be included, there’s just something about it that feels weird. My parents and sister are super excited. My dad keeps sending me all these memes about cruising. They are so excited it’s going to be on Royal Caribbean. Apparently, they’ve never been on a RC before. We went over this past weekend for leftovers and cruise talk. We had to sign up for the app. I can’t believe that’s a thing now. We looked at the things to do, and picked out some excursions. This is the third time my sister has taken this cruise! She went with my mom once, with my dad once, and now as a group. I kind of have the feeling that my dad and sister are excited just because there’ll be other people with them. My mom is not all that mobile. I think they’re glad to have people willing to do things. We’re going to Catalina and Ensenada. 2 places I’ve already been. I have to remind myself that my wife hasn’t really gotten to do much. Everything is new for her, and I have to remember to enjoy that part of it. Technically, my wife is the only one who hasn’t been to either of these places. It seems weird to go to Catalina in December, but who cares. I’ll be with my family, making new memories, and that’ll be its own fun. We’re taking a glass bottom boat tour, I’ve never done that before, it should be cool. We’re going tequila tasting in Ensenada, that should be fun! And, on the ship, we’re all taking a class on making sushi! I’m really looking forward to that. I love sushi.

     We get back on Friday morning, then I have a gig that night! So, I hope everything goes smoothly, I don’t like stressing out before a gig. Well, I don’t like stressing out at all, but when you’re an over-thinker, it has a tendency to happen. Speaking of gigs, I never told you about the last Hustler’s gig. It was cool. It happened the day after Josie’s gig, so I was kind of wrapped up in that during that week’s post. The gig went great. There was a little tension in the beginning. For some reason the acoustic guitar player tried to change the way we set up. I wasn’t having it. He got there before me, and had just taken the liberty to do what he wanted. I let them know I was not amused, and it got taken care of before I had to show my ugly side. Yes, I have one of those. I really try not to let people see it. Especially in the beginning of a relationship. The longer it takes to make an appearance, the greater the chance that it never shows up. I wouldn’t say I try to keep it hidden, I just try to keep it at bay, hoping it’s not needed. I am trying to get better. Constantly. And I really do have hope that just by continuing to be “nice-me,” that “ugly-me” stops trying to jump in. For the most part, I think it’s working. That was the first time they even got a glimpse, and it was remedied before it got too far. Thankfully. It showed the respect they have for me, and perhaps some of the naivety of him, and we got through it. I was glad there was no meltdown. We rocked! The place was packed! One of the things that filled me with joy was how many people I saw 2 nights in a row. There were at least 15-20 people who had come out to see me on Friday and Saturday! I couldn’t believe it. It really felt good.

Thankful I'm Not Violent

      It’s my birthday! I’m not sure how often this has happened on my birthday. I could go back and check, but that’s not really my thing. It can’t be too often. I suppose I’ll stick with this theme, at least for now. I’m a little distracted because, just as I sat down to write this, a fire truck and ambulance pulled up for my neighbor. The fire truck was parked right outside my front door, so I couldn’t miss it. I tried to sneak a peek, but was unable to see anything. They just left, it didn’t take very long. I’m going to take that as a “good” sign. I guess they could’ve wrapped him up and got on the road. I don’t know. My curiosity is endless. But, at least they’re gone now, and I can focus. My birthday started out uneventful enough. I woke up early for some reason. I planned on doing a little shopping, and then getting myself some lunch. I usually make lunch, but since it’s my birthday, I thought I’d splurge a little. I got everything I needed to do beforehand done. Then, when I went to go to the store, my car wouldn’t start. Happy birthday! Luckily, I have a charger. It almost started, so I thought maybe just a little charge would do. It did! After about a half an hour, it started right up. I was a little nervous about driving it, but I figured it would have time to charge itself while I was enroute. My parents are taking us on a cruise next week, and when we were looking at the itinerary, it mentioned a “tropical theme” night. Having no tropically themed clothing, I had to go find some. I got lucky at my second stop, whew! They also want to show up wearing Christmas shirts, so I had to find one. I got lucky at my first stop! So, all in all, I had a successful shopping trip, a nice lunch, and now the battery is charging.

     I find it interesting that I keep getting into these “twice in a week” situations. Technically, I would have done this last Friday. I had every intention of doing it, but my wife wanted to “go have lunch.” When she has the day off, she prefers not to have the same food we have all the time. Plus, she likes to have a few daytime bevvies. I get it, she feels “free,” but it takes up time. Also, after I’ve had a large meal, and a few drinks, sitting down and typing sounds like a recipe for a nap. It also feels strange writing these while she’s here. When we’re together, we want to spend time together. Me asking her to be quiet for an hour while I type doesn’t scream “togetherness.” So, I pushed it. I thought it might be cool to do it on my birthday anyway, so here we are. If it were last Friday, I would have told you that Thanksgiving was okay. There was a lot of hype leading into it, but the event itself was, okay. As usual, we all planned on going to my mother-in-law’s house. This year her boyfriend’s mother was supposed to come. For the first time! It did not happen. Some last-minute illness, or whatever, kept her from making the trip. It’s only about 25 minutes. My mother was also a last-minute cancellation. It was kind of strange because neither my dad, nor my sister, seemed to know what was wrong with my mother, just that she said she couldn’t go. So, we were 2 old ladies down. Which was probably better, because it was a little difficult to feel thankful on that particular day. The mother-in-law’s boyfriend was in rare form. He was being a bit of a dick. Lots of people wished he had gone to help his sick mother. I wonder if she had been with us if he would have acted the same way as he did. He was being rude.

     He’s a grumpy old man. He doesn’t have a lot of fans anyway, so this didn’t help. People feel he’s taking advantage of my mother-in-law’s kindness. I don’t want to go into it too much, partially because I had no intention of making this about him, and partially because I’m running out of time. The nicest way to put it, is that he was being a nazi in the kitchen. He and my mother-in-law used to work in a kitchen together, and every once in a while, he likes to act like he’s in charge. The rest of us do not feel that way. My wife was making mashed potatoes, and he literally blocked the cabinet, so she couldn’t use any seasonings. Who does that?! At one point, my mother-in-law went to spend time with her daughter, and said “she’d be back in a few seconds.” He started counting, loudly, as if she were a child. I wanted to knock him down. There wasn’t anything that time-consuming going on. He made everyone uncomfortable and wished he was gone. Except for my dad. For some reason my dad appreciates his company. But, then again, he’s not really privy to the backstory, and goings-on, that keep the rest of us from being fans of his. It probably wouldn’t make much difference anyway, my dad’s not the type to dislike someone. Plus, it seems that old guys just kind of gravitate towards one another. I am not that old yet! The turkey was okay. The mashed potatoes were okay. The “stuffing” was not much to my liking. I made a green bean casserole which came out awesome! The best I ever did. Which almost didn’t get heated up because of “you know who.” My wife made a pumpkin cheesecake for the first time ever, and it came out awesome! That was one of the only times I ever saved room for dessert. I was glad to see my family. I was glad to spend time with my daughter.