Appreciating Distractions

      When I started this, it really wasn't my intention to just go over the mundane happenings of my life. I started this with every intention of it being about the title Thoughts on Life. Although I guess it technically is still about thoughts on life, it's not quite what I imagined. It did start off that way, in the long, long ago. However, at that time, I was doing so much more. I was looking things up regularly, I was constantly trying to write bits for my class, I had an active social life, there were things going on. It seems to me, that with all of that going on, I had a lot more to say. I noticed a lot more, since I was doing a lot more. I was even keeping a little journal to keep track of all the things I wanted to cover. I had pretty much covered that list when I took the big pause 7 years ago. I think there were only 2 things left on the list. I don't remember them both. I do remember one of them, it was something about people being filmed using infrared. I don't know if you watch any of these show where the people are out investigating things. Paranormal experiences, Bigfoot, Ghosts, whatever, it seems like there are a lot of these types of shows. And, it seems like most of them use some type of infrared camera to be able to film at night. I find it interesting that a lot of the times, being filmed in infrared makes the women look better. Is that just me? Or are other people having this same issue. It seems so weird to me that I think they look a lot better in the green hue. When they switch back to regular footage, it's like the lights coming on at the club after last call, all of a sudden it's like “Whoa! That's what you look like!?” There now I consider the old list complete. Yay!

     I lost my train of thought. I went to look up a word, and the internet wasn't working. I had to restart my computer. I really dislike when that happens. It happens often. I think it's 'cause my computer is so old. Sometimes, when I'm trying to listen to music from the Web, it won't make any sound. I can listen to my files, I can use the Web, I just can't listen to it's music. Then I'll restart it, and it'll work just fine. Just like now, restart, and it works just fine. I probably should upgrade. I'm still using Windows 7! I don't even know what number they're up to now. All I do know is that my laptop is lightning compared to this. I've all but stopped coming into the office to use this old dinosaur because everything takes so long. But I like the chair, mostly, I like the keyboard, and I really like having the big screen! So I do use it. About once a week. I built this whole office thinking I'd be in here all the time, pounding on the keys. Getting stuff done! But it takes so much time that things don't go smoothly. I need things to go smoothly. I don't know how creative you are, but as I've mentioned, several times, I don't like my flow to be interrupted. Even right now, I was planning on writing this very eloquent piece on the changing status of my weekly offering, and I had to restart the computer, and totally lost it. But hey, this is real life isn't it? This is a thought about it. This happens to people. We get distracted. And I think for most of us, it's not that fun. There have been times, usually late at night, when I practically drive myself crazy trying to remember what I was just thinking about. I take my thoughts very seriously. Usually.

     On the other hand, sometimes the detour is a win. I can not tell you how many times the distraction actually leads you to a better place. A place you never would have found, had you not been distracted. So I try not to get upset by the detour. Detours happen. And once you've been through it a few times, and train yourself to look for the benefit you could be receiving, it makes all the difference in the world. Appreciate the distraction! Appreciate staying on topic! The more we can appreciate, the more appreciative we are, the more things work out in our favor. It's not always easy. Believe me, it has taken a little bit of time to come to this determination. Thinking this way, and feeling this way, are not always easy to maintain. Sometimes, stuck in traffic, I have a very hard time trying to maintain my level of appreciation. I have to start saying sh*t out loud sometimes, like “I'm thankful I'm not having to walk this far.” Or “Thank goodness I have AC.” Or my favorite “At least I have shade so I'm not getting sunburned.” I know it may sound silly, but it does help. Just thinking of things I'm glad about usually distracts me from the problem I'm having anyway, so it's a win-win. Distractions can be helpful! But I still try not to get distracted. I still like being focused and in my flow state. I still like finishing the thought that I started with. But alas, it looks as though that won't be happening on this day. Oh well. I do feel as though I got some nice morsels out there, so that's good. I finished my old list, so that's good. I have a gig tomorrow, so that's good! And hopefully next week I'll have more interesting things to write about, so that's good too!

Inconvenient Phlegm

      Hooray Thursday! Although, not really for what it usually stands for. Usually on Thursday I'm excited because it's band practice night. Tuesday is the Punk band, and Thursday is my original project. Hence I am usually excited on those 2 days. Those, incidentally, are also the same days I water our plant family, so there is a kind of sereneness that goes along with that. I just stand out with the hose checking on everything, making sure they're all hydrated. It's a little bit of zen before I rock out. Nurturing my plants, nurturing my soul, it's all very harmonious that way. Plus Thursday is the day I have chosen to do this. So Thursdays are a little extra for my soul. Not only that, but it's also prelude to the weekend, so come on! However this Thursday I shall not be rocking out. I've been a little under the weather recently. Monday morning when I woke up I could barely swallow my throat was so sore. I had hoped it was dryness from sleeping with my mouth opened, or something. But then the next morning I woke up around 5 am barely able to breathe. My throat was sore and my nose was clogged, I was awoken by the feeling of something liquid running down my face. Not exactly a great way to start your day. I was trying to be a ninja so I wouldn't wake my wife. I didn't want to be fumbling around for medication in the dark while she was getting her last few hours of sleep. So I just tried to deal with it. After all, it was just for a few more minutes really, she'd have to be getting up soon, so I suffered in silence, waiting for the sun to rise, so I could find myself a remedy, without disturbing anyone.

     Eventually I was able to find something to help. I was still pretty out of it. Monday too. It was weird. I just couldn't get motivated. Usually I'm pretty good about getting up, stretching a little bit, having breakfast, and then right on into my day. But Monday I wasn't feeling it. At that point, I really only had the sore throat, but wasn't sure why I felt so lethargic. Tuesday was the same. But, because I also had the sniffles, and had taken medication, I assumed my lethargy had a reason. It was still weird. I couldn't even think of doing anything 'til lunch. 2 days in a row! I felt like a lazy piece of you know what. But, sometimes the body just needs to be still, I guess. I almost cancelled band practice. But we have a show next week, and I know they get pretty nervous if we don't practice a bunch before a show. I appreciate them wanting to be good on stage, but sometimes I do think they take it a little too far. We practice the day of the show! I'm not so sure it's completely necessary, but it certainly helps their nerves, so I'm in. Plus, I had to cancel practice recently because of my back, and I don't want to be the old guy who has to keep cancelling because of his health. That sounds too fogey. It also sounds too much like some else I know. And, every time he cancels practice because of an ailment, we all wonder how true it is. But in defense of that, he cancels for a lot of reasons that aren't health related also. Right now he doesn't want to practice because his kitchen is being remodeled, and he doesn't want his wife and daughters to be in their home with plastic barriers up all alone. It doesn't really make sense.

     Cancelling practice a lot, for various reasons, valid or not, tends to have people wondering how bad you want to be there. I don't think anyone would really wonder that about me. I'm fairly certain they all trust me, and know that I want to be there. Sh*t, I played a gig barely able to walk! If that's not convincing, I don't know what is. However, illness is a different matter. Especially right now. I don't know what I've got. I know it's not fun! But at this point in our collective history, we probably shouldn't being going places if you're not well. I've felt that way for a long time, but now it seems more substantiated than ever. But, as the afternoon progressed, I started to feel better. I don't know what the Covid symptoms are. And after all, it is just a stuffy nose and a sore throat. So, against my better judgement I went. If people get sick I'll feel terrible. I'm upset by the person who got me sick! I don't know who they are, but I wish they had stayed home the day I encountered them. Anyway, I could barely sing, it was not very fun. Although you couldn't really tell on listen back. So that's good. However, 3 am the next morning, it was worse than it had been. I actually had to sleep with tissues stuffed in my nostrils to keep snot from running down my face. Not fun. It was at that point that I decided to cancel practice for tonight. If I can't sing, and am worried about infecting others, I should probably just stick to myself. So I am. Although today is a lot better, just a sore throat, I'm glad I cancelled. There's no point in putting people at risk for no reason. Now unfortunately I think I'm going to have to cancel dinner plans with my parents for this weekend. I definitely couldn't forgive myself if I got them sick.

My New Experiment

      Man, I almost missed it again. My back issue hasn't really gone away yet. It's getting better little by little everyday, but it's still bothering me. So I wasn't even busy yesterday, I just spaced it. I think part of it was that my wife was working from home yesterday. She had to come home because her office is so infested with ants and termites that they were literally falling through the roof tiles onto her desk. She started wearing a hat to work so they wouldn't fall into her hair! That's effin nasty. She said she could hear them hitting her hat as she worked. Just take a second to imagine that. Okay, now stop! I don't want you to freak yourself out. So after a few days of very creepy conditions, and a few visits from the exterminator, they decided it would be best to work from home until the problem was fixed. That is, except for the things that have to be done at the office. She went to the office yesterday afternoon, so I had plenty of time, I just spaced. It's interesting that people can just work from home now. That is one thing that the pandemic has helped people realize, you don't necessarily need to be at the office all the time. As long as you're responsible and get done what you're supposed to, I don't see why it would matter. I personally still think it's better to talk to people face to face. I still think there's something special, and important, about a team being in the same room, as opposed to the zoom. But, if you have a team of responsible self-starters that you trust, I think leaving them to their own devices is a good thing.

     Most people should know how they work best, and have the discipline to do so in a timely fashion without being overseen. In my opinion the only people missing the office are probably the gossipers that don't do that much work anyway. I don't know if you've had that feeling, but it seems like some people at work are just there for the socialization. They're always going around and talking to everyone, they know all the latest scoop, and it seems like they generally just walk around all day talking to people. I bet it makes them feel like they have this great network. But it has always left me wondering “What is it that you've actually done?” They also seem to be some of the biggest ass kissers I've ever seen, but that seems like a different story for a different day. I suppose there is some advantage to knowing who everyone is, and what everyone has going on, and having everyone thinking you know what's up. But in general, I don't see how you can keep up on all of that and get your work done. I'd rather work than socialize. Although it is slightly funny to me that as I typed the last line, I realized I didn't really get my work done yesterday. Here I am talking about people being responsible, getting work done without being overseen, and this whole thing started off with me not getting sh*t done! Hilarious. That's part of what I enjoy about this process, getting to learn little things about myself along the way. I'm a hypocrite. But I try not to be. That's what I like about it. It doesn't hurt my feelings. I appreciate being aware, and I move on.

     After all, the work is getting done. The week isn't over. Success! Although it's probably only possible because of another event, that happened last night. Oh wait, before I get to that, the show on Friday went great! I was pretty sore, but I don't like to turn down shows, so we did it! Once I got on stage the adrenaline took over or something, I had no problem. I gave all I had. I don't think anyone knew I was having trouble walking. On stage I didn't even think about it. It was cool. A sea of mohawks bobbing their heads, it was awesome. I think we may have gotten 5 new followers out of it, bitchin'! Anyway, back to last night. And, in a way, I think this goes along with our theme. I'm only able to write today because I don't have any tracks to mix. I don't have any tracks to mix because I'm the only one who showed up to practice! Going back to this idea of having a responsible team that you trust, I confirmed practice last week. Now, yesterday I had this feeling that I should perhaps check to make sure that we're all still in on practice. But I had just talked to the guitarist a few days ago, and thought “Nah, if something had changed they would have let me know.” So I did not follow my instinct. When I got to practice, I was the only one there. I tried to call, no answer. I sent a text to the group, no response. But hey, they could be driving, I don't text and drive, and wish others wouldn't either, so that's probably what's going on. Finally, after 5 texts and 50 minutes, the keyboard player responds that I must have missed a text because the guitar player cancelled practice yesterday! I did not get the text! I should have checked!

     What a bummer. And, I can't even get mad because I know this happens some times. It's no one's fault, it just happened. Here's the real kicker, this happened a couple of weeks ago too. Band practice got cancelled, so I was going to be home when I'm usually not. My wife had plans with her mom for dinner, but wasn't sure if she was going to go or not, because I was home. At that time my phone was working. So I'm waiting for the phone call. And I'm waiting for the phone call. I know she's gotta be off work by now. Maybe she had to work late, it happens some times. Finally it was almost dinner time, and I'm not sure what I should do, so I go to call her, and my phone says “searching for service.” Searching for f*cking service! I never moved. Just for scientific sake, I called my phone from our home phone. Straight to voicemail. I'm thinking “What the f*ck!” So I called her from the home phone, and she picked up. Her phone was working, it was just mine that wasn't. She was at her mom's house, she had tried to call 7 times and was worried that I was injured beyond being able to get to the phone. That didn't stop her, but that sounds like a different story for a different day. So again, for scientific purposes, I restarted my phone. That thing started blowing up like I had won the jackpot on a slot machine! I had missed all kinds of sh*t. Now I'm worried about my phone, and periodically check just to make sure it's still working. Someone has told me to restart it every couple of days or so, so I guess that's my next experiment.

Not Being Able to Move

     Well, it's kind of been a lazy, bummer of a week. It kind of sucks 'cause I was just starting to feel pretty good. I have these random ailments that pop up from time to time. I thought I was at the end of the cycle. I started feeling really well, and actually started getting to some of the home repairs I've been meaning to do. I was in good spirits, and excited about things to come. One of the things I was looking forward to was helping my daughter move. She has been living down in the South Bay with her boyfriend for about a year now. They didn't really want to go to the South Bay, that's just what they could afford. But now they finally got a place in La Mesa. Commute time cut by 20 minutes! They are stoked. Apparently it's this cute, secluded, granny flat, tucked into the side of Mt. Helix. We are so happy for them. They moved this past weekend. I was stoked to help them. I thought it would be nice, and I thought it would be an appropriate gesture to say that our blessing is given. I have never been to their old apartment. I thought helping would emphasize a new beginning. However, Saturday morning while I was fixing breakfast I felt a little twinge in my back. I wasn't even doing anything spectacular. I think maybe I was getting a knife out of the drawer, and I felt a little “wait a second.” I remember thinking “No, not today.” Then getting dressed was tricky. I thought “Of all of the days, why now?” I decided to put a back brace on, and push through, hoping maybe the blood flow would help. But alas, it did not.

     By the time we got to their old apartment, I could barely move. I was bummed. I had every intention of being the cool dad helping the young people with their first official move. But instead they got the old man dad, to feeble and frail to help. Luckily they did most of the work themselves anyway. After all, they didn't really have that much stuff to start with. No couch or TV, most of the big items were plastic put together yourself stuff from IKEA. (I'm just guessing, I don't know where they actually got it from.) I'm just saying, it was all light enough that 2 able-bodied twentysomethings were able to handle it without much trouble. My wife stayed and helped, but I had to go. I wanted to try and nip this thing in the bud before it got worse. I'm bummed I didn't get to see their new place, it sounds amazing. A lot better than my first place. We are stoked for them! Anyway, I got home and was able to stretch out, but that was not enough. It never really got into full pain mode, it always just felt like it was about to. I don't know if you've ever had the feeling that if you move half an inch in the wrong way, you're going down. I had one take me down before, it's not fun. So once you feel the twinge, all the muscles surrounding that area tighten, to “help” you. This in turn causes it's own set of issues, because once they tighten, you can barely move. It's exhausting. And scary. It feels like you're about to be broken in half. So you have to gingerly do everything in the hopes that you don't move that half inch. It's exhausting. And scary.

     Sunday wasn't much better. Monday wasn't much better. I had to cancel both band practices for the week, something I hate doing. Tuesday was a little better. Yesterday was a little better. And now today is a little better. I'm counting this as an accomplishment that I'm able to sit here typing. I couldn't have done this a couple of days ago. Yay, progress! I've been moving as little as possible over the past few days. Good thing the Olympics are on! I don't know what I would have done if I had to watch regular programming over this past week. I got to see all kinds of stuff that I don't usually get to see. It made that time a little bit better. Although just laying around is so boring! What's worse is, I kept thinking about all of the things I could be doing. Boy our tricky minds. Plus, my friend is having a show tomorrow, and I really want to go. So I've been nervous all week, hoping I'm okay by then. Next thing I know, I get a text from my punk band. The place we played a couple of weeks ago contacted us. They have a sold out show tomorrow and one of the bands cancelled. They want to know if we can take their spot! I can't believe it. This is what we've been hoping for. This is exactly the place that we want to be in. And here I am barely able to walk. But I couldn't turn it down. This is why we've been taking the sh*tty gigs, in the hope that we would eventually get the call. And we just did! So now I'm in this weird place where I'm bummed to miss my friend's show, nervous about trying to play out wounded, and so excited because I'm going to get to play a sold out show in front of a whole bunch of potential new fans!