RIP Uncle Carl

I am constantly in awe of life itself. It amazes me that if you just pay a little attention, to what is actually going on around you, there is an endless sense of wonder. We are woven into quite a magnificent tapestry, with the ebbs and flows, and never ending sense of connectedness. As long as you pay attention, which, I'm afraid, far too few of us do. There is a beauty in the symmetry, even though, at times, it can be hard to handle. We got word that Susan's Uncle passed away on Monday. We don't know when he actually passed away, but we found out on Monday. It was her Dad's Brother. The one, of four children, to whom the task of caring for their ailing Mother fell. He was not a care giver. He was an ex-biker, who was kind of a hippie, and, I guess, a traveler type. Apparently, if the story is true, he was going to be a Park Ranger, before it fell on him to take care of his Mother. Although, that was 10 years ago, and he would have already been over 50 with no training whatsoever. So I'm not exactly sure how much of that to believe. But I do know, for a fact, that they are a seriously dysfunctional family, which no longer speak to each other. And, for what it's worth, he was probably the best candidate for the task. Without any training whatsoever, he cared for their Mother for 10 years. I am certain that he did the best that he could, even though it could have been better. Nobody else was willing, or able, to take care of her, and he stepped up to the plate. For that, he should be commended.

There had been quite a bit of drama associated with him over the past few years. No one was allowed to go over to see her. He never answered the phone, or returned any calls. He seemed quite bitter that this task was bestowed upon him. The family was at odds, and we never heard from him until she had days left. It was too late. She passed before Susan got a chance to go over and see her. That upset Susan quite a bit. Then, Susan had to help this man get the deceased's affairs in order, all the while assisting the person she felt kept her from seeing her ailing Grandmother. Not only that, but also, constantly hearing his side of the story, which made no sense. It was as if he just had to unload on someone, and poor Susan got to be the one. She took it like a champ. And, there was more than just a little turmoil. Susan's Cousin came into town to help. But because the Cousin is a major part of the turmoil, Susan became the hub, because she's the only one who speaks to everyone. I was more than a little bothered by the way everyone just threw their arms up in the air, like it's not their problem. Not one of the other siblings came to see their own Mother on her death bed! I was shocked. Leaving two Granddaughters to take care of business?! I thought it was bullsh*t. Susan helped him for weeks. All the while, she was still basically mourning her Grandmother, because it wasn't going away. She had to keep dealing with it. When her uncle finally moved, Susan was able to stabilize her grieving process.

As I mentioned last week, our lives have really been on the verge of taking off. Susan is so excited about her new job, which is set to start on the 16^th. We have been on cloud 9. Then we got the call about her Uncle. He had just got hundreds of thousands of dollars, with no debt. He moved to Arizona, where he always wanted to go. He was living in a tent, waiting to find property. The whole rest of his life was ahead of him. He finally had the time and the means. He was free. And then he passed. I almost choke on the irony. But now, because he has no family, or friends, Susan is once again tasked with being the bearer of bad news. So next week, which is the first week of her new dream job, we have to go to Arizona, and take care of the arrangements for her Uncle. Unreal! I got time off to go with her, which is cool. I would hate to have to have her go through that alone. Her new job was cool with it, so it's all working out, with one exception. The Cousin I mentioned earlier, is also going to Arizona to help. She's going to get there a day or two before us, to deal with the coroner and stuff. The problem is, now she's being a total shady b*tch about it. Speaking in seemingly secret code. It doesn't seem right. I can't figure out why death makes people act so retarded. We all know it's going to happen, why does it make people act like *ssholes? This really bothers me. So, next week we'll be taking a road trip to Arizona, to say good-bye to someone without a lot of people in his corner.

Daughn

Employee of the Month

I'm drawing another blank this week. It seems odd, since I've accomplished a lot in the past week. It's starting to make me think that being busy keeps the creative juices stifled, since those same forces are being used for actual work. There are a lot of exciting things going on. I actually got Employee of the Month for May! It was a little weird how it was kind of nonchalantly brought up. No ceremony or plaque. Barely even a mention. Kind of like “Oh yeah, by the way, you got employee of the month.” The end. It's kind of a joke anyway. I've been there a year so far, and I've only known who the Employee of the Month was once. And, I thought that was a huge joke. The guy who got it was a terrible worker. The month he got EOM, he had two no-call/no-shows in the same week. I had only been there a few months when that happened. But, I had been there long enough to know that the employee who got EOM was the last person who deserved it. Ever since that happened, I had this little thought that if I ever did get EOM, I would decline it, since it apparently doesn't mean anything anyway. However, since that employee has been terminated, and since there really isn't anything to decline, I've decided to accept this honor. Even though, as far as I know, it could just be my turn. None the less, it feels nice to be noticed. Even if just barely. But, I have noticed I'm getting more hours. Plus, it feels as though I have the respect of my peers, and my superiors. I must be doing good.

It felt weird to write the word “superiors.” They are the more esteemed in the company, but I don't consider them superior to me as a human being, so it feels funny. Plus, as I re-read that line, I noticed that the “per” sound in “superior,” sounds like “peer.” I find that interesting. Especially since most superiors don't really feel like peers at all. However, the #2 in the company called me personally for a special assignment. It's not bad to know that out of 30 available bodies, the #2 is thinking about you. Extra work is good, extra money is good, but being trusted, and people feeling that they can count on me, is what I appreciate the most. I want the higher ups to know that I'm accountable. I want them to know that I'm an asset. I want them thinking about me. I'm not sure if that's vain or not. I just know I want to do a good job, and I want to be known as one who does a good job. I don't think pride in one's work should be considered vain. As long as it's kept in check. After all, pride is one of those slippery slopes. Some people even consider pride a sin. I think it's good to be proud of yourself. But I can also see how too much pride, and not giving credit where credit is do, can be destructive. That's why I always try to keep myself in check by reminding myself, constantly, that the only reason good things ever even happen to me, is because of my openness to the Universal Forces that surround, and permeate, all of us. I figure that's not a bad attitude to have. And since it's working for me, I'll keep it.

Another part of the recent news, which goes right along with what I was just mentioning, is that Susan has been offered a new job. She'll be working in a more stable environment, with saner people, in an up and coming company, for twice the pay, and full benefits! It is as if our prayers are being answered. We're going to have to make a few life changes to deal with the new situation, but it is as if we're being given a whole new start. We couldn't be happier. Everything is working out beautifully. And, I have to tell you, I attribute all of it to this idea that I keep mentioning here and there. I cannot be convinced otherwise. Good things are happening! Plus, and I'm not sure if this is “good” or “bad,” I've been noticing that, being in retail for so long now, that I'm also starting to think differently on another level. Last night we were at a restaurant near closing. A group of 14 people wanted to get a table. It was about 9:15 pm. The manager on duty went and checked with the kitchen, but they had already turned everything off, and “iced” the grill. I was surprised how quickly I started doing the math, to estimate how much money they were willing to loose. I know people want to go home. I know it gets irritating when people show up at the last minute. There has to be a cut off. But, it kind of startled me a little bit, to notice that I went straight to the monetary value, as if my business senses are awakening. I'm not sure how that's going to fall into alignment with the mindset I'm already trying to assimilate.

Daughn