Being Of Singular Mind

I'm going to get my passport tomorrow for our trip to Alaska. I guess I probably don't need it to go to Alaska, since it's a State, but I'll definitely need it for Canada. I'm so excited. We're taking a mountain bike tour in Juneau! Talk about a biking family! Susan and I are taking a Pub tour in Vancouver with my Dad. We're going to get to eat Alaskan Crab in Alaska. We're going to get to see the glaciers before they melt. We're going to get to see a rain forest. So many cool things all wrapped up into one journey. I can't wait! It's so strange too, because we have never really been on vacation before, except a visit to my parents in Maryland about 10 years ago. But, we didn't really do any touristy things while we were there, so it didn't really feel like a vacation. This is going to be a vacation! The strange part, that I was trying to get to, is that now that we'll have passports, I feel we can go wherever we want. We've never even been on vacation, but now that we could go if we wanted to, it feels different. It is especially cool because Stella Mae's best friend's Grandfather owns a home in Cabo San Lucas, and he's always inviting us to go, and now, we can go if we want to. Unreal! I know it might not seem like that big of a deal. After all, people get passports and travel all the time. But for a person who wasn't sure we'd all still be here by now, it seems like divine intervention. I still cannot comprehend that this is all actually happening. I spend a lot of my time in awe over how this world that we live in conspires with us.

I really don't wish to come off like a holy roller, but I can no longer deny that something is happening to me. I still have trouble understanding that this all started off to me as some kind of joke. I started reading the Bible to be able to argue with people, as I said before. But then I started watching some Christian based programming, just to get their point of view, and hopefully add some fuel to the fire. Then, the other day, I was programming my car stereo radio station presets after my battery died. Our stereo has a lot of them, and I like to make sure they're all filled, so if I hear a commercial, another station is just a touch away. I came across a station that was playing some pretty cool music, of which I had never heard, so I put it in. I change stations often, because I dislike commercials. However, every time I came to this particular station, they were playing some decent music, which I had never heard before. I went to pick Stella Mae up from school one day, and told her what I just told you. On the way home she remarked that she thought she heard something which made her think it was Christian. I did not pick up on it. Then, that same day, I went to pick up Susan from work, and related to her the same story I'm relating to you, when all of a sudden I heard it. The DJs were definitely Christian, and so were the songs. I absolutely do not consider myself a Christian, and some of it is a bit to take, so I do not listen to the station often. But, I do relate to some of the message, and there's no commercials.

Whatever is happening to me, as I said, I do not equate with Christianity. However, because that's the only exposure so many people get, it's one of the closest things to find. Something, though, is happening! I've been getting pressure at work to sell more Sundries. Sundries are extra things. I asked the Universe to please help me sell more Sundries, and all of a sudden I went from .001% at the beginning of the month to 8% as of yesterday. Coincidence? We finally got our bikes, but there was no place to put them. Then magically over the weekend our complex installed a bolted bike rack! Coincidence? We just happened to get a passport appointment on my day off. Our drivers side door has been broken for months. We finally have the money to fix it, but we need the time. The mechanic said to plan to leave it for a couple of days. Next week was the only time that we were going to be able to make the time, but we were not sure how we'd get Stella Mae to school, and home. Then, come to find out, my Sister and Mom will be here next week, because they just found a place to live here, and can help us out with whatever we need! Coincidence? It knows everything. And the more energy I put into it, and the more I understand that something is indeed happening , and the more I trust instead of fear, the more often it occurs. My doubt is fading fast. If this is insanity, I gladly welcome it! I will be writing of things of less weighty significance in the future, but as for now, I am of a singular mind.

Daughn

View Points

I'm getting a super late start today, but it's cool though, because I already got Stella Mae from school. She had a minimum day today so the school's Sophomores could take the High School Exit Exams. Something about that doesn't seem right. In your second year of High School, they expect you to already know everything you need to know to graduate! No wonder kids don't want to be there. I liked High School. I didn't have any friends, or anything else to do. I lived in the middle of the desert. High School gave me something to do. I'm so glad we didn't have the internet back then, or I would be such a dork now. I may not have ever left my room. But I guess that's beside the point. At first I thought she may have been mistaken, but her story didn't change, so I'll have to go with it. Although, she did say that it took some kids 2 or 3 turns to pass it. Those 2^nd and 3^rd turns being their Junior and Senior year. So I guess in a way, that would be helpful, to get them ready for what they are supposed to know. But she also made a comment about there being a 93% pass rate. Again, at first I thought she may be mistaken, but it's not really like her to just make stuff up, especially statistics. She may have misheard, or been confused, but she seemed to know what she was talking about, so I've decided to consider it true. At least for now. This, however, has got my mind racing.

If it is true, what does that mean? If 93% of the kids can pass the CA High School Exit Exams by their second year, what the hell do they have to look forward to? Padding their resume? Plus, how depressing would it be to be preparing to leave High School by the time you get to your second year? Granted, it is a temporary situation, but for me High School didn't even get rolling until my Junior year. Maybe that's why I'm at where I'm at, we'll never know. But that too, is beside the point. The point is, that this has lead me to at least 2 rather dismal thoughts. 1) Are we trying to make sure they enter their lives with a solid, well rounded education? Or are we simply trying to make sure they can pass the test that says that they have a solid, well rounded education? You can teach a chicken to play Tic-Tac-Toe, but that does not mean it knows binary code. Who really benefits from this type of endeavor, the Educational Institution, or the future of our species? 2) If 93% can pass by the second year, how much better prepared could they be by the end? I'm sorry, but I do not feel like the 7% should be coddled. Why should they get 3 tries? We can't constantly be lowering the bar! I think it does equal disservice to the 93% and the 7%. It would make more sense for the Institution to decipher who these 7% are ahead of time, so they can get them the help they need, without subjecting the 97% to the idea that they already know all they need to know. Because, as you may know, most teenagers feel that way already.

I suppose I would feel differently if I, or someone I knew, were in the 7%. Maybe catching them by the time they're a Sophomore, gives them the time to make the corrections. I just feel you should be learning more in High School than you can learn by the 10^th Grade! I'm so rarely on the fence about these kinds of things that it makes me really consider both sides of the equation when I am. Socially I feel that the people who need help should get it, but not at the expense of the group. I'm getting all worked up, and it may be all over nothing, as it usually is. But, yet again, that is beside the point. Although, at this particular moment, I'm not even sure if I'm anywhere near the point. I had no idea I was going to write any of this. However, now that I have taken a minute, or 60, to put it all down, I realize that it has helped me poke a couple of holes in my shroud. I think this is a very important part of life, being able to take both sides as equals. It is the only true way to know how you feel. If you never consider the other side of the fence, how can you be comfortable with your own? We seem to have gotten to this place where not agreeing with people means they are against you. What a sad way to live. As far as I'm concerned, you can't really know anything about your point of view unless you have something to compare it to. And, if you're only comparing your point of view to other points of view like yours, you really aren't putting it through the scrutiny necessary to see if it stands on it's own. If your point of view can't stand the scrutiny of comparison, it's probably not really a point of view.

Daughn

A Biking Family

I am often overwhelmed by the kindness of others. Not that I am unkind, but I am certainly less kind than others. And I would like to believe that, had I greater means, I would be kinder. Although if I'm not overly kind without, it seems unlikely that I'd be kinder with. I am often bought drinks, and I hardly ever reciprocate. Although, I do feel, that had I greater means, I would reciprocate often. However, I'm not so sure how often I would initiate the drink buying. I'm not necessarily convinced that makes me unkind. I suppose there are drink buying people, and non-drink buying people, of which I seem to fall into the latter. But, if I had greater means, I suppose that might change. Even though, I have to admit, it is hard for me to even imagine a situation where I had greater means. Is that sad? I can't even, at this point, imagine things getting much better. I say that not as a sad statement. I am happy. I'm having a good time, I love my family. But, and I didn't really even know this until I started writing this, I have a hard time imagining a future of greater means. I spend most of my time in my imagination, and I can't even imagine a more prosperous future? That seems odd. I'm going to have to work on that. Because, I truly feel, it will never happen if I can't even imagine it. Boy, this has been quite the revelation. This is hitting me as hard as I got hit a couple of weeks ago when I realized that I didn't really have a “dream” anymore. It seems as though the two are probably related.

I want to iterate again, that this, to me, in no way entails despair. I'm a little shocked, and confused, by recognizing the void, but I am in good spirits. Things are actually going really well. I've got a gig coming up, we're going to Alaska, I'm getting the car fixed, everything is going really well. We have a lot of friends. Actually, the kindness I was referring to earlier stems from one of those friends giving us a bike for Stella Mae. He works at a bike shop, and somehow, or other, occasionally ends up with extra bikes. So he just gave us one! And the weird part is that we had been thinking about getting her one, but things kept coming up. Plus, she never really asked for one, so we weren't really sure if it was desired. Although, Susan and I both, think back fondly about our first bike experiences, and what it's like to be mobile. It turns out that she loves it! It couldn't have worked out better. I am still shocked at how life works out sometimes. She is so happy, I can't believe it. Now she wants to go riding everyday, which is great. But, she's still not confident enough to ride by herself yet, so I had to get my bike all dusted off, and ready to go. It's been in storage for her entire life, 14 years! I hadn't been on it in probably 15 years. But I got right back on like I knew what I was doing. I forgot how much I used to ride. And, I forgot how much I like riding. It was a little awkward at first, but 15 minute later, I felt like a fish in water, I guess you truly never do forget how to ride. Now we're a biking family!

That makes me happy. I never thought I was going to have kids. But, I always imagined that if I did ever have a family, I would want it to be a biking family. And now we are one! It's like I got what I wanted, even though I didn't even really know that I wanted it. The bizarre part is, that this keeps happening. I can no longer doubt that there are larger forces at work in my/our life. It's been hitting me real hard recently. I think about those forces constantly. Almost all of my thoughts are geared toward the Almighty. Even when I'm drunk out of my gourd, I still think about the All. It's getting to the point where I can't keep it in anymore. All of a sudden, I feel like talking to people about it. For some reason I want people to know where I'm at. Last night, practice got cancelled, so the guitar player and I “hung out.” I couldn't believe how I kept wanting to talk about it. I didn't stop myself. If people are going to be close to me, they have to know that I am immersed by it. It's just still surprising to me how it's kind of taking over. Every example I use, practically, comes out sounding Biblical. I use it as a context, or reference, for pretty much everything. And to think that the only reason I ever even picked one up is to be able to argue with people about it. Now I think about it all the time. The absolute shocker, to me, is that the more I think about it, the more I come to know about it, and the more my doubt lessens, the better things seem to go. That is not a good way to get me to stop.

Daughn

Spending Free Time

Today I've only given myself 45 minutes to complete this. I don't know why I do this to myself. I'm off on Friday, I could wait until then, but as I mentioned before, who knows what Friday will bring? I want to get into the habit of having a set time, and a set day to do this. But now I fear that I'll have to leave before I finish, which would kind of defeat the whole purpose of letting it stream. That's okay, I'll figure it out. I just always feel like when I'm rushed, getting it done becomes more important than content. I eventually want to have decent content. I really do have things I'd like to share. It's also kind of disappointing because one of the reasons I'm getting started a little late is YouTube! I go on there to select my album for the week, and I got caught up in watching something that could have waited. I know it could have waited. I knew at the time, it could have waited. But something, somewhere, inside me, said I might not be able to find it later. I realize, as I write this, that the idea of not being able to find it later is a bit ridiculous. However, I don't really go on to YouTube to “look” for stuff, other than albums to listen to. Which, in itself, may seem a bit strange, that I go on a video site to listen to music. But, I do, and that's all I have to say about that. I don't want to go back on YouTube and look for some novelty that just happened to pop up while I was there. To me the fact that it popped up while I was there, is the reason to watch it, right then. What's 4 minutes anyway? Yeah right!

That has got me thinking about the book I'm reading right now. I'm an avid reader. I usually read Non-fiction, but I've read all of the Non-fiction books in my home. I feel it's important for me to vary my experiences, so I'll read Fiction occasionally. I think it's important to read the classics, especially when they're sitting at an arms reach. Just like YouTube, I probably wouldn't go search them out, but if they're right there, and I need something to read, I'll take the time. I also think it's important to, sometimes, do things that you don't necessarily like, just to make sure you don't like it. Or, perhaps, to keep you from limiting yourself from an otherwise worthwhile experience. I normally don't do this, because I don't see this as an advertisement, but for this story, I feel it's important that you know, the book I am currently reading is Pride and Prejudice. As I said, I don't usually read Fiction. And I most certainly do not usually read love stories, but this one is having an effect on me, in an unusual way. For the most part, I find it dribble. It seems like typical love story fluff. I'm not really enjoying the story that much at all. However, I keep thinking about it. I've found myself in the past week, referencing it in at least 3 different conversations, and now I'm telling you about it. It's bizarre that this thing I don't really care too much for is staking a claim in my mind, which, incidentally, is one of the subplots of this book. See, I can't shake it! I will add though, in my own defense, this was my only plot reference.

I suppose that's what makes it a classic. People have been reading it for years. It's obviously had a tremendous effect on many people, no doubt inspiring an endless amount of creative people. However, I find myself most fascinated about the time frame from which it came, as opposed to the actual story that is being presented. It was written around the same time as the American Revolution, so for all practical purposes, a long time ago. Although, compared to a lot of the books I read, not that long ago at all. The thing that I'm getting from this though, was the lack of things to do. Without going into too much detail, these were people of sufficient means, and apparently lots of free time. They don't need to farm, they don't need to work, they are leisurely. The piano had just been invented! They couldn't listen to music, unless one of them played it. There was nothing to watch, unless one of them acted it out. I'm trying to cram all of this crap into a few minutes, and to them, a few minutes was nothing. They had all day! No cars, no phones, no electricity, nothing. It was technically just over 200 years ago. And really, if you think about it, that probably didn't change too much until about 100 years ago. Nothing to do with your free time, except read, write, play games, make music yourself, act out your own scenes, and commune with others. And I guess the fascinating part is, to me, that those are the same exact things that I do when I have free time, even though I have a lot of other options.

Daughn